Since I'm Talking About Tattoos..

[sass_in_the_pants]

So, a while ago, Guy and I went out to dinner with my sister and her husband, and my parents.

And we started talking about tattoos, more specifically, my sister's really awful and ugly tattoo that she needs to get removed, or fixed, or something, cuz it's stupid.

She defended her ugly and awful tattoo by saying 'I don't know why everyone has to slam my tattoo. Grandpa has that anchor on his forearm'

Dad said 'He doesn't have an anchor on his forearm. That is your uncle John. Your grandpa has an American flag on his upper arm.'

So the two of them were going back and forth and I said 'Let's settle this right now.' and I called grandpa. Here's how the conversation went.

'Grandpa, it's me, Sweetpea. Do you have a tattoo?'

'Are you drunk?'

'No, grandpa, I'm not drunk. Do you have a tattoo?'

'I think you're drunk.'

'Grandpa, just answer the question.'

'No, of course I don't have a tattoo.'

Now I was confused. 'Dad, grandpa says he doesn't have a tattoo'

'Tell him to look at his arm'

'Look at your arm'

I heard rustling on the other end, and then 'Nope, no tattoo'

Again, I was confused. 'Dad, grandpa still says he doesn't have a tattoo.'

Dad just shook his head 'Tell him to look at his OTHER arm'

'Look at your other arm'

'I think you're drunk'

'Grandpa! I am not drunk! Look at your OTHER arm!'

'You're drunk'

'Just look! Please!'

More rustling and then 'I'll be darned. I DO have a tattoo.'

'Okay, now this is very important. What is it a tattoo of?'

'I don't know. I think it's a rose'

'Dad he says it's a rose.'

At this point, my dad is just DONE with all of this nonsense and he says 'It's not a rose. Why the hell would he get a rose tattooed on his arm? It's an American flag. Tell him it's a tattoo of an American flag.'

'Dad says it's an American flag.'

'Eh, I suppose it could be that, but I really think it's a rose.'

And then I hear grandma say, as she was apparently listening to this whole conversation 'He wanted to get a battleship! Did I ever tell you that? He wanted a tattoo of a battleship across his whole chest. I told him I wouldn't marry him if he had such nonsense. He said he would put my name as the name of the battleship and I almost left him right then and there! Can you believe it? A battleship! What nonsense! And it's not a rose. That would be stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. More stupid than a battleship. It's an American flag.'

Just in case you were wondering, my grandpa is not a senile old man. He has ALL of his marbles, wits, every french fry in his happy meal AND a full deck of cards. It's just if he doesn't want to talk about something, he'll lie about it. He's fun like that. My grandmother is equally cognizant. They don't act like this because they're old. Apparently, they've always acted like this and I just wasn't paying any damn attention. We call them the Dorothy and Ed Show. *jazzhands*

Isn't family fun?

Guy's mom has a tattoo, too. She got it when she turned 50. It's a sun with three rays coming off of it, each ray having the initials of her sons. Then, she has little stars around it, with the initials of her grandchildren. Except that, she got that tattoo done four grandchildren ago and she says that now she's 60 and she's afraid it will hurt too much to add the other grandchildren.

[jadnifer]

My grandparents are great......sometimes.