My Insanity

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

Firstly, I was going to place this under health, but felt this was more appropriate since I'm actually asking for spiritual insight rather than medical expertise.....

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My Insanity

So I'm insane. I've known this a long time, and it's nothing new to me. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when I was 18 years old, and since then have battled demons, Spirits, and myself in an effort to survive and understand this world.

That being said, I think that schizophrenia is one of the most grossly under cared for disease in the world. In an age of Kings they once called these men prophets and seers and reflected on their wisdom and knowledge to help aid in their decisions regarding their enemies.

As time went on, religion became more of a text book thing, tangibility has taken over, and any effort to understand the Spiritual world is mostly disregarded as "paranormal" science fiction.

We label everything. People and ideas. Paranormal itself infers that we know what normal is enough to decide what is abnormal or what is paranormal at all, when anyone who might be able to give us some insight to reality is probably 3 sheets to the wind on Thorazine.

My point is this. Everyone is a piece of a big puzzle that was of God's design. We were separated at birth but we are all brothers and sisters. Someone in China could very well know a lot more about God, than my local pastor. Why is this? Did God scatter his knowledge and wisdom among all men and cultures so that by working together we could find him?

I don't know but it makes sense to me......

Now here's the crazy part for you. This will probably be one of the most insane things you've ever read and could even make you re-evaluate our friendship.

I don't believe I can be killed. There have been many attempts on my life because of my mouth, and I think God has protected me for a reason. While, I can't verify this claim beyond a reasonable doubt, I can say this. He is my shield, and I fully trust in him. If an enemy approaches me to destroy me, I do believe he will be destroyed first. I believe my tongue is a weapon that needs to be bridled, trained, and tempered as well as perfected because of it's danger to people who surround themselves with my presence. While, I do find it completely illogical that so many sane people think I'm right, and that I may be responsible for their delusions of grandeur, at the same time I have confidence in the Lord if not ever my own abilities to do the "right" thing.

My Question

Ok so here is my question. Does anyone else know anybody like me that I could talk to? I've been holding on to this stuff for ten very lonely years. I am more lonely in a crowd than I have ever been alone, and it is eating away at me. I know God is with me, but is it so wrong to want humans that I can relate with? Is it so wrong to ask for one person that knows what I'm going through instead of a group of friends that are amazed by my strange abilities? This really sucks, and I need someone to talk to. If I am sick, I need to be well again, and medical science just doesn't work. If I am well, I need to be told why I am well, and why this makes sense.

God just doesn't talk to people their whole lives, and stop, just to show them something that proves all along that you were right 13 years after they quit going to therapy. This shit is too weird. While, I have full confidence in our Lord and Savior, I do not have full confidence in myself.

Is there anybody out there?

Do you know what I'm feeling?

Is the end really here?

Was I really not dreaming?

Is everything real?

Where am I?

Despite the obvious common sense answers to these questions, I need someone that knows EXACTLY what I'm going through to respond. Please no medical professionals or would be know it alls. I need someone real. I need someone tangible that can explain to me why I'm right. I need someone to tell me they feel just like I do and that I'm not crazy.

If you are a friend of mine, and you think I'm crazy, I'm very sorry and I apologize. If this is your final thought on me, perhaps you should consider that I've had a pretty long run for a schizo patient before I've finally lost touch with all reality. By all means, I'm a miracle in mental health science and have disproved almost every aspect of Schizophrenia. I wouldn't mind being a guinea pig even for further research, but I still need answers......

[Homicidalheathen]

It said that crazy people are on the verge of greatness.

Maybe the things are really there.....and your a channel.......

But you let your imagination get away with you and do imagine some things

Read serpent of Fire by Gene Kieffer

It is suggested that modern medical practices purposly stiffle kundalini in an attempt to keep working man a drone.

I know this guy whose does spiritual work with people. I didn't believe him till I went with him.....I tell ya we all heard the same thing in that room but it wasn't there.

It was creepy.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

How about a response from me? My sister suffers from schizophrenia. I have watched her with pain in my heart for 40 years. I'm telling you from my close experience. Get help. You are starting to spiral down so far into insanity that you are going to become a danger to yourself and the people around you.

I'm not trying to be mean or insult you. I am honestly trying to help.

[Steven]

if you want to talk to me Kevin, we can do it in PM.

I dont know if I can help you, but I think I understand a great deal of what your presenting here and I dont want to have public duscussions with you that eventually would lead into public dispute and conflict since it is by nature religeous....I just dont think you need that at this stage.

[xbittergracex]

I can't say that I fully understand, but I sympathize.

I have a friend that believes she is a spiritual warrior. She has had many 'battles' with demons. She is extremely strong and confident in her faith. I'm not 100% sure, but I think it'd be worth it to talk to her maybe. She's an amazing person, and she seems to believe in a lot of the types of things you're saying...

PM me if you are interested...

[Steven]

I can't say that I fully understand, but I sympathize.

I have a friend that believes she is a spiritual warrior. She has had many 'battles' with demons. She is extremely strong and confident in her faith. I'm not 100% sure, but I think it'd be worth it to talk to her maybe. She's an amazing person, and she seems to believe in a lot of the types of things you're saying...

PM me if you are interested...

there are thousands of people like her.

she is probably exactly what she says she is.