There Is A Door... But Which Way Shoud I Go?

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

1st of all Friday (which is that last time Jon and I had sex, and it will be the last time for a very VERY LONG time...) while Jon and I were having sex I said 'I love you' and then he sprouted something to the effect of I dont live you, u think I love you, ur nothing but a hole to me... blah blah blah - which is fine normally - he'll say shit like that in bed all the time, it's part of role playing and I'm cool with that... but this time he said "I dont love you" and that is bothering me more and more everyday - I know he didn't mean it, but I guess it hurts me more that I thought it would...

Then my friend whom of which I have been friends with for going on 6 years asked for my help, and Jon says no with out giving me any explanation. This is a kid who at thr drop of a hat would do ANYTHING for me and has stuck by me when others turned their backs to me and I have no control of this and I can't stand it...

Then he decided to make a 2 day long joke about me having a wide vagina, and even got one of my friends in on it - I know I don't, they know I don't - and I understand poking fun at me here and there, but but for 2 fucking days of the same shit?? AND getting my friend to do it too... WTF??

Today Jon was supposed to go and see the live action Death Note movie with Ben and Lori, they both came over and hung out, Lori shank me which was kool, but there are parts I dont remember and I'm sure I annoyed the shit out of her 'cos I talk a lot when I'm drunk.... anyways... Jon takes me to work and I tell him on the wya there "Make sure you don't get too drunk tonight 'cos you have to come pick me up..." well he didn't get a lot of sleep last night and had a rough day at work so he didnt go to the movie, instead he got wasted... he calls me at 1030pm and he's slurring his words like crazy and I ask him "how dunk are you?" and he responded with "like I can't find my keys drunk" - WTF??!?! Then I tell him to forget it and that's I'd figure something out and all I remember him saying was "Don't give me that shit..." and I turned off my phone - then he msgs me on MSN and was like 'WTF' I said that Jo was going to take me home, and u'd better thank her 'cos it's out of the way... then he responds with "I said I was going to pick you up and I will" How the fuck is he supposed to pick me up when he JUST told me that he can't find his keys 'cos he's so drunk... and that's what I said to him and that I would see him when I got home and signed off...

Now I am sitting downstairs and I plan on staying there - I don't plan of going upstairs at all tonight... I'm going to sleep on my big comfy couch with a few beers and crash... I mean, how hard is it to stay sober for one fucking day?? Is he THAT dependand on alcohol that he can't even come and get his GF from work?? It's sad... it really is...

Lori is right.... I have a door.... and it's up to me to choose what to do with that door and my patience is running thin...

[Angel of Death]

1st of all Friday (which is that last time Jon and I had sex, and it will be the last time for a very VERY LONG time...) while Jon and I were having sex I said 'I love you' and then he sprouted something to the effect of I dont live you, u think I love you, ur nothing but a hole to me... blah blah blah - which is fine normally - he'll say shit like that in bed all the time, it's part of role playing and I'm cool with that... but this time he said "I dont love you" and that is bothering me more and more everyday - I know he didn't mean it, but I guess it hurts me more that I thought it would...

Then my friend whom of which I have been friends with for going on 6 years asked for my help, and Jon says no with out giving me any explanation. This is a kid who at thr drop of a hat would do ANYTHING for me and has stuck by me when others turned their backs to me and I have no control of this and I can't stand it...

Then he decided to make a 2 day long joke about me having a wide vagina, and even got one of my friends in on it - I know I don't, they know I don't - and I understand poking fun at me here and there, but but for 2 fucking days of the same shit?? AND getting my friend to do it too... WTF??

Today Jon was supposed to go and see the live action Death Note movie with Ben and Lori, they both came over and hung out, Lori shank me which was kool, but there are parts I dont remember and I'm sure I annoyed the shit out of her 'cos I talk a lot when I'm drunk.... anyways... Jon takes me to work and I tell him on the wya there "Make sure you don't get too drunk tonight 'cos you have to come pick me up..." well he didn't get a lot of sleep last night and had a rough day at work so he didnt go to the movie, instead he got wasted... he calls me at 1030pm and he's slurring his words like crazy and I ask him "how dunk are you?" and he responded with "like I can't find my keys drunk" - WTF??!?! Then I tell him to forget it and that's I'd figure something out and all I remember him saying was "Don't give me that shit..." and I turned off my phone - then he msgs me on MSN and was like 'WTF' I said that Jo was going to take me home, and u'd better thank her 'cos it's out of the way... then he responds with "I said I was going to pick you up and I will" How the fuck is he supposed to pick me up when he JUST told me that he can't find his keys 'cos he's so drunk... and that's what I said to him and that I would see him when I got home and signed off...

Now I am sitting downstairs and I plan on staying there - I don't plan of going upstairs at all tonight... I'm going to sleep on my big comfy couch with a few beers and crash... I mean, how hard is it to stay sober for one fucking day?? Is he THAT dependand on alcohol that he can't even come and get his GF from work?? It's sad... it really is...

Lori is right.... I have a door.... and it's up to me to choose what to do with that door and my patience is running thin...

...I'm sorry but in my opinion he sounds like a complete ass and you need to get rid of him...course I can't say much I got hit by one of my ex's and I stayed for 8 months-1 yrish

[Msterbeau]

You've talked about him before... and it all adds up to a guy that needs help. And you shouldn't be his punching bag (figuratively) in the meantime. Leave before it gets worse. Have some respect for yourself.

[Miranda]

Of course there are two sides to every story and you are telling yours. Based on that information, you are being treated past the point of badly. That is a complete understatement. I am not sure why you feel you should be accepting of this type of behavior. Maybe because you feel your boyfriend is joking? We all know there are things you just don't joke about. Your boyfriend is extremely immature if what you say is true. This type of "joking" is counter-productive and he has been putting you through a lot of emotional distress and pain.

You say he is joking when he tells you he doesn't love you, so are you saying that he really does love you? If he cannot even be counted on to give you a ride home sober, he is pretty much useless. That is a blatant disrespect to you and your well-being and a total lack of better judgment on his part . I don't know you personally but you seem like a very nice person who deserves to be treated much better than this. I suppose you need to honestly step back and look at the type of relationship you want versus the one you are currently in. You have to want better for yourself first.

[sass_in_the_pants]

Is this how you want to be treated? Is he worth this?

If the answers to the above two questions are no, then I think you already know which door to choose.

[Rev.Reverence]

I would conject that it seems like he has self-love/self-respect issues; and that he is dangerously self-centered.

By 'dangerously' I mean that unless he seeks answers within his heart mind and soul, he will not achieve happiness.

Your real question to him should be, "Do you want to grow up?"

Your question should be, "Do I have the time and energy to see the healing process through?"

Also, "Is it worth it, or has it already gone on for long enough?"

Many Blessings & Good Luck..

((HUG))

[TygerLili]

I am hesitant to give you advice because I don't know you, and I don't know the other side of the story.

However, from the things I've seen you post over the last year or so, it seems like he's trying to control you. One person being the more dominant personality, or being more comfortable with "wearing the pants" and making the decisions is one thing, but out right trying to control your partner, that's never good.

He's probably afraid of losing you. In making his "jokes" he's slowly chipping away at your self-esteem, trying to make you feel like you have to stay with him because no one else would want to be with you(which is BS, by the way).

You've said that you love him, so I'm sure it would be incredibly hard to leave him, because when we love someone we always tell ourselves that we'll find a way to make it work. Honestly though, if someone is treating you badly love isn't enough to fix it.

You have a decision to make as to whether or not you want to continue to be treated this way, because he's not going to change. He sounds like he's not very respectful to you, or maybe to women in general. If it were me, I couldn't be with someone like that, but you have to decide what you want.

[Onyx]

I find it helpful to think of what I would tell a good friend if they were in that same situation. Step outside yourself.

If your close friend, one you care about very much, told you what you are telling us, what would you suggest she do? What would you want for her?

[creatureofthenyte]

I don't know you either. I too, also do not know the other side of the story. But you deserve better then what you're getting from him. It does sound like he's trying to contol you. He says such mean things to you, perhaps as an effort to make you think you couldn't find someone better then him and perhaps to try and guilt you into staying with him. Being with someone is not worth taking shit like that from anyone, especially someone who is supposed to care about you.

If you choose to stay with him, then you are essentially telling him that you are okay with him treating you like crap. I hope for your sake, that you take a stand for yourself and get rid of him.

[Head Wreck]

all i can say is strike 2.

what are the chances of strike three?

[Homicidalheathen]

Not all 'alpha males' are assholes.

Emotional or physical abuse...ya gotta ask yourself why you 'need' this? Cause you stay. Ya know?