How to spot a Goth: A church bulletin

[Rev.Reverence]

thats one hell of a list... i think 80% of the US fits into at least 5 of these "catagories" lol

....Yeah..............according to this....I have justifiable cause to worry.........my 5 year old has exhibited no less than 13 of these warning signs.....

(most prevalent is the ingestion of "goth foods"... & the Marylin Manson "this is Halloween")

[Hellion]

The power of assumption,of course this church thinks its OK to be a wigger,fake.If only George Carlin was still around.

[the eternal]

Well I did some digging, gang.

This apparently was handed out to parents about five years ago (Seriously, who gives a damn about Marilyn manson anymore?? He's the 90s boogeyman)

I would have to call them to verify this is true, but it has been reportedly traced back to a St Mary's church in Maryland on the web at www.stmaryschurch.org. I wonder how many people have called and said

" Hey are you the people who say Count Chocula makes my child a goth?"

OR

" Hey, my priest at the catholic Church

--Frequently wears black clothing.

--Wears odd silver jewelry or symbols.

--Drinks alcohol.

--Spends large amounts of time alone.

--Requests time alone and quietness.

and according to asome of the alter boys

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

Is my priest a goth too??

[Homicidalheathen]

all that fit on a bulletin board?

lol god knows if your goth you MUST BE suicidal...

[TygerLili]

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.-*%**@*#@%es.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,

Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

Show me a teenager/young adult, from any social group, that doesn't fit into at least 5 of these, especially the yellow stuff. 'Cause we all know that preppy jocks never drink, do drugs, play video games or express an interest in sex.

And Count Chocula made me laugh so hard I did a spit take.

[Der Nister]

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

And here we have gone from one witch hunt to another. Does anyone remember the PMRC and how Twisted Sister/WASP and other such "heavy Metal" bands were directing our nations children down the path to Satanism?

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

Well if our histroy books are being honest - we would have to include our founding fathers who stood up against the king of England.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

Since fucking when are sports wholesome? Yes because athletes are so wholesome and let us not forget the priests that have been molesting young catholic boys. Now there's a wholesome church passtime.

-Drinks alcohol.

Well, that would include the entire world but, what do I know?

-Complains of boredom.

Isn't that what kids do naturally?

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

This could be a sign of a sleeping disorder - have those people ever thought that maybe those kids need medical attention?

-Is excessively awake during the night.

See last response.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

Maybe the reason for this is because you keep shoving the bible down their throat in your pathetic attempt to brainwash them.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

See last response.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

How can one respond to such an assinine thought process as that?

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

Yes because as we all know - this leads to satanism - it says so in the bible.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

Again - we would have to include our founding fathers who stood up against England so we sould have our freedoms which the churches are so clearly abusing.

-Eats excessively or too little

Because eating disorders don't exist.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

Wow - how did christians miss that obvious link to satan back in the 70's????

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

LMAO!

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Because children don't use the internet to research homework or anything of the sort.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

Oh yea - it's not a sign that you kids are maturing into adults like you did.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions.

Yes yes - unlike those wholesome religious leaders like Jim Jones and David Khoresh who's only intentions were to teach the word of your lord.

Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Ah yes - because christianity is the only religion - all other religions are dangerous and lead away from the truth.

[TygerLili]

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

How can one respond to such an assinine thought process as that?

Maybe they're requesting alone time to pray...(for parents who aren't stupid enough to buy into this nonsense)

[candyman]

Ha...I remember when this was posted at my high school...freaked out so bad because they always tended to blow things out of proportion anyways...

Never...EVER send you kids to a Lutheran boarding school for highschool...seriously...

[Scary Guy]

-Frequently wears black clothing. *

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. * (although I'm trying to go more corporate goth)

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. *

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. * (I'm getting The Dead Society logo on my arm eventually).

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) *

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. *

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. *

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. *

-Takes drugs. *

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom. *

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. *

-Is excessively awake during the night. *

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. *

-Spends large amounts of time alone. *

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.) *

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (Define adult, no longer applies to me because I am one, so they say)

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. *

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. *

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) * (on occasion, I don't actually think I'm a vampire or anything though as that's just insane)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) *

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. *

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. *

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. *

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex. *

-*%**@*#@%es. *

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,

Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism, Buddhism, and The Church of the Subgenius. *

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". *

-Claims to be a goth. *

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

25 out of a possible 37

[TrixieGothGirl]

Hell, I must be goth & needs a eval on my metal state because I show an interest in sex & I loved Count Chocula cereal as a kid. Call the metal ward and have them take me away in a strait jacket before I lose my mind to the goth side. Lock up your children and run the the hills ppl, Trixie's on the loose. (OMFG, this list is to much )

[Soulrev]

Lol someone posted that a few years ago on old DGN. I do believe it is fake, though, yes. Still, quite amusing.

[Enishi]

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

OH GOD NO! NOT COUNT CHOCULA!

This reminds me of the excessive nitpicking in the Jehovah's Witnesses magazine Awake! which I once had to tolerate on a regular basis.

"Don't buy stuff from garage sales! They might have been owned by people who practiced the dark arts and there are demons in them!"

[Scary Guy]

Lol someone posted that a few years ago on old DGN. I do believe it is fake, though, yes. Still, quite amusing.

The funny thing about that is YOU DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, AS THEY REALLY ARE THAT DAMN INSANE!

[Vedoryn]

.....wow. the only one i am missing is the Count Chocula....never had it. take heed children....my parents did not intervene and i never grew out of my Satanic goth-ness haha. that list os so FUBAR....i laughed so hard i snorted. thanks for the giggle!

[taysteewonderbunny]

Well I did some digging, gang.

This apparently was handed out to parents about five years ago (Seriously, who gives a damn about Marilyn manson anymore?? He's the 90s boogeyman)

I would have to call them to verify this is true, but it has been reportedly traced back to a St Mary's church in Maryland on the web at www.stmaryschurch.org. I wonder how many people have called and said

" Hey are you the people who say Count Chocula makes my child a goth?"

OR

" Hey, my priest at the catholic Church

--Frequently wears black clothing.

--Wears odd silver jewelry or symbols.

--Drinks alcohol.

--Spends large amounts of time alone.

--Requests time alone and quietness.

and according to asome of the alter boys

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

Is my priest a goth too??"

Brilliant.