How to spot a Goth: A church bulletin

[Az_]

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-*%**@*#@%es.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,

Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

[Msterbeau]

[TitsMcGee]

And my family wonders why I'm not religious. But with that being said :rofl:

[Azeuron]

thats one hell of a list... i think 80% of the US fits into at least 5 of these "catagories" lol

[Azeuron]

If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

sorry for double post but i saw that line after i posted and almost fell outa my chair lol

[The Ravenator]

"enlist your child into your local mental health center"

I would be very close friends with the caretakers by now.

[TitsMcGee]

"enlist your child into your local mental health center"

I would be very close friends with the caretakers by now.

lol me too

[jynxxxedangel]

Pat Robertson must have written this bulletin.

[SaGa]

this reminds me of a funny ass website

www.landoverbaptist.org

it deserves its own topic honestly. there is WAY to much funny shit here for just a post

who ever made this joke church up needs a handshake. this has always been so much laughs

[ashlei]

While I'm pretty sure that this "bulletin" is fake, I find it amusing how many of those categories I fall into.

[Oh_My_Goth]

That can not be real.....OK, so it could, but.....Really??Really???

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

i put the title into Google and you wouldn't believe the # of bulletins that people have posted this in. Its so funny.. and even if it is a hoax, i wouldn't put it past SOMEONE to think that "goth" automatically mean "satanism" I actually know some hard core Christians, who are also "goth"

this is just funny SHIT

apparently my soul needs to be saved, because I fall under MOST of that. lmao

[jynxxxedangel]

There are actually people who have this severe of a cranio-rectal condition. Just ask my friend who looks like Peter Steele, and runs a ninjutsu dojo in rural Arkansas (his students often practice sparring in full costume with swords and other weapons, in the surrounding yard)..he's had nutty, Bible-banging hill-folk bothering both he and his pupils since he's been there.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing. check

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. check

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish. check

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. check

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. check

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) check

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. check

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. check

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magick (check), the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. (cuz we all know that "anything else" must be related to "Satan") check

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol. check

-Is suicidal and/or depressed. check

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) this is just utterly rediculous... a lot of religions use these to help them find enlightenment!!

-Complains of boredom.check check check

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. check

-Is excessively awake during the night. check

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. check

-Spends large amounts of time alone. check (or I would, if I had my own REAL room... lol)

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) check (oh yeah, that's me, I pray to Satan )

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. check

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. check

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little. check

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. no, not quite THAT goth...

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) I think blood is pretty, does that count?

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) check

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. check

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. check check

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. check

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. check

-Expresses an interest in sex. check check check check check

-*%**@*#@%es. WTF is that supose to be? O.o

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. check

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,

Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. check

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". yeah, i would never be caught dead...

-Claims to be a goth. check

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Guess I qualify to go to a mental health center...

[Slogo]

[TitsMcGee]

Guess I qualify to go to a mental health center...

Lol I think the majority of us apparently need to go

[jynxxxedangel]

Shall I call for a charter bus?

[Msterbeau]

Shall I call for a charter bus?

You can make multiple trips in the Van of Doom. Make sure you paint it flat black first so they know who you are.

[StormKnight (1)]

What is concerning to me is that this *may* be real. I fit into more than five of those categories *before* I knew goth was. If my parents had been as religous (fortunately not,) as my father's sisters/parents, I might have ended up with a prefrontal lobotomy.

The forcing of children into such narrowminded views scares me for the future.

[Destroit]

I <3 how they say that Hinduism, Paganism, and Buddhism are cult religions...when they were definately around before Jesus...

And since when is philosophy an actual religion?

[Rev.Reverence]

I <3 how they say that Hinduism, Paganism, and Buddhism are cult religions...when they were definately around before Jesus...

And since when is philosophy an actual religion?

Philosophy was/is seen as "the Devil's work" because it leads to self-awareness, & questioning authority instead of blind following....

It can "open your eyes".....ENLIGHTEN YOU.....the Churches power lies within a monopoly on the avenues of Enlightenment.

[phee]

I always just thought if Cher thought they were cool they were goth.... I didn't realize there was all this other stuff...

[Destroit]

I always just thought if Cher thought they were cool they were goth.... I didn't realize there was all this other stuff...

I was surprised they didn't list that, I looked for it. So apparantly this St. Mary's Church doesn't know as much as they thought about goth...I'm SO onto them. I should send them a letter to correct this *ponders*

[Rev.Reverence]

I always just thought if Cher thought they were cool they were goth.... I didn't realize there was all this other stuff...

:rofl:

[Oh_My_Goth]

I was Goth once.....