Why is it so hard?

[Scary Guy]

"list all your faults here for all to see"

Didn't I just do this in another thread?

I live at home with my parents. Probably one of the largest turnoffs ever.

I have a personality and intellect closely resembling Mr. Spock

On top of that I'm usually always quiet and only speak when I have something to say.

I wear coboy garb all the time when I go out.

My two main topics of conversation are computers and music. Most women can't relate to me on the first level and eventually get bored with the second.

My only job right now is DJing and contrary to popular belief, no one apparently wants to fuck the DJ (not that that's the reason I got into it).

I'm shy, if I am alone it's only because I don't ask anyone out. I am working on this though. It is all in the mind.

[Brenda Starrr]

"list all your faults here for all to see"

My two main topics of conversation are computers and music.  Most women can't relate to me on the first level and eventually get bored with the second.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's all I hear in my house. More about the computers. The only time that the subject changes is when I get naked, which I guess I should do far more often.

[Head Wreck]

to paranoid about me jelous possesive streaks

out of shape

damn annoying 90% of time

too messed up at the moment to discern if its a friend or prospective lover.

not willing to damn anyone else to my BS

[Brenda Starrr]

Aren't you all being a little hard on yourselves? Jeez!

[Head Wreck]

not in my case

[Brenda Starrr]

:erm

My statement still stands.

[TomCat]

:doh I have to be hard on myself, no one else will let me be "hard" on them. :erm

[Head Wreck]

may next year i shall be stateside for a wedding. i'll be in detroit. no doubt someone will catch a photo of me to reveal how out of shape and generally ugly i am

superficialness comes into it a lot. women wont talk to a guy few pounds overwieght and looks like he's been on the loosing side of more bar brawls than the guy from the pogues

[TomCat]

superficialness comes into it a lot. women wont talk to a guy  few pounds overwieght and looks like he's been on the loosing side of more bar brawls than the guy from the pogues

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey, I know that guy! :doh

[Brenda Starrr]

Oh, my GOD...... :blink

[TomCat]

:confused what'd I say?? LOL

[Brenda Starrr]

I just can't argue this point anymore. I see nothing wrong with ANY of you.

[TomCat]

Then you truly haven't seen me yet. :erm

[Brenda Starrr]

Ugh....

[JaneDead]

I just can't argue this point anymore. I see nothing wrong with ANY of you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that's the problem brenda. too many people here do think there is too much wrong with them. or they think something is wrong with everyone else and don't look to themselves to see why they can't be happy. you can't be happy with someone else if you are not happpy with yourself first.

[Brenda Starrr]

I know this, and I hate seeing it.

*pouts*

[soothsayer]

I didn't expect to read this much self loathing. Hmmmmm.............

[Brenda Starrr]

I love who I am-whoever that may be. I love my compassion, my neuroses, my hair, my sense of humor, my kindness. I don't think I'm stunning or hot or awesome. I'm just plain old me.

And it took YEARS to find this out. Thanks to Wayne (whose ass needs to get on this board and say hello), because he made me see that I really am okay.

[Onyx]

Self-loathing? No way. I rock! If I didn't keep a date around it was their fault.

heh heh.

Seriously though, sometimes it's just that there wasn't any spark, sometimes I liked them more than they like me, sometimes the other way around. It takes time to find someone compatible, and I don't think a lot of first dates is a sign there is something wrong. Why drag things out if you are bored with each other?

Eventually something will click with someone and in my opinion it's well worth waiting for. I also defend my right to be picky I have never thought it was worth lowering my standards, though my own tastes are way different than what my family or friends *think* they should be.

I'd just much rather be alone than be with someone I don't *click* with, and it bugs me that when I haven't been dating someone it seems to make everyone around me so uncomfortable they try to fix me up with people I had no interest in.

Let's face it - just about anyone can get a date if they lower their standards enough. Surely it's not that big a problem to spend a year or two, or even longer by oneself?

[Brenda Starrr]

No one should EVER lower their standards. But I feel like so many people are so hard on themselves. That's what I see here. It breaks my heart, because you all are such good people from what I see here. It's one of the many reasons I come here.

[Fierce Critter]

Fuck me. Damned 'net connection crashed when I was composing this the first time. Let's see if I can regather my thoughts.

This subject came up a loooooooooooooooooooooong time ago on EZBDGN. Back then, and now, I believed it was due to people putting too much importance on the person they meet being "perfect" for them as a "couple" right off the bat.

Too many people write-off potential partners due to, "she's too fat" or "he doesn't like bondage" etc.

I believe if you go into things looking to enlarge your circle of FRIENDS, NOT to pin-down a perfect mate, you might end up eventually finding yourself falling in love with someone you didn't initially think could be "right" for you.

I did the Metro Times personals for a while in the mid 90's. Initially, though honest about my weight in the ad, I still got a bunch of guys who, upon meeting me, decided I wasn't "ornamental" enough, and wrote me off. When I changed my ad to say I was looking for FRIENDS, I ended up meeting some people who I REALLY hit it off with - a couple who I actually ended up dating for a while, even though initially I may not have been physically attractive to one, and the other not intially to me.

I can't tell you how many married friends I've had over the years who met their spouse either from initially being friends with them, or from "a friend of a friend".

[Brenda Starrr]

<

[Nienna]

My opinion: Because the person I love don't love me. No matter how hard I try, noone can stand up to that. I have to get over that person before I'll be able to give anyone else a fair chance.

What my exes have said: I'm apparantly negative, fat, socially grating, manipulative, unstable, and occasionally in poor health. Some of that I disagree completely with, some of it used to be true, and some of it still is.

[soothsayer]

As far as being happy with someone, IMO everyone could benefit by learning to be happy with themselves and like the way they are and for what they have to offer. True happiness shouldn't depend on someone else's opinion of you because they will someday not be around (i.e. due to death or divorce). I have learned to value who I am and what I can give to someone else. I have had time to learn that spending time alone, even when I could just as easy go out on a date or with friends, can be fun. If I had spent all my free time with others I never would have developed my art skills or my music. I never would have created things that other people can enjoy and that brings happiness to me.

So yea, I think everyone could use time alone to get to know themselves better and then when you meet someone things can be so much better. Depending on someone else to make you happy all the time is not a good thing. There's nothing wrong with being able to take an evening to yourself and work on yourself (and I don't mean in a dirty way). I think Brenda said it pretty damn good. I just went off on a rant.

[Brenda Starrr]

What my exes have said: I'm apparantly negative, fat, socially grating, manipulative, unstable, and occasionally in poor health. Some of that I disagree completely with, some of it used to be true, and some of it still is.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You seem positive to me,

You're voluptuous,

Don't feel like looking that one up,

Aren't we all,

Again, aren't we all?

and,

So what if you get sick?!? Don't we all?

*hugs*