Am I old Fashion?

[Destroit]

But then I think... Why doesn't the girl ask HIS parents if it's OK? And why should a person ask the parents if it's OK? It's their life.. let them do what they think is right. Are we supposed to treat them like property? What happens if a parent disapproves? Do you dump him? I would hope that my children talk about their partners with us and ask for advice when needed, but I have no expectations that that partner should ask my permission. It's not mine to give.

That's my answer.

I actually would be pissed if my son/daughter asked because then that would show that they give a damn about what I think about who they should marry - and since they SHOULDN'T...that would mean I should have raised them with their mind open a little bit more. They should care about who they want to marry and shouldn't care if anyone else says they disapprove.

I don't get the thing about asking the father in particular...can anyone clear this up for me? Why not the mother? It's just odd...I personally don't have a father, which is awesome and totally recommended, but even my cousins that had fathers, their fathers have no say in the family they just work, do dishes, and live up to their uhm "husbandly" duties, if you catch my drift. Just sounds like a backwards tradition, not knocking it, I just find it interesting since it's not what I'm used to.

[Destroit]

I made my ex husband ask...and yes MADE...no bj's for you goes along way when blackmailed

Any SO of mine that puts out a "no head" embargo for any reason becomes my ex . That's just damn harsh.

[zenaleigh]

Any SO of mine that puts out a "no head" embargo for any reason becomes my ex . That's just damn harsh.

mmmmm yes, but He got PLENTY of bj's and I got nothing in return so whos the real victim here

[Michiko_Dreads]

mmmmm yes, but He got PLENTY of bj's and I got nothing in return so whos the real victim here

Awwww, How selfish. I'll recieve make-up bj's for you.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

That's my answer.

I actually would be pissed if my son/daughter asked because then that would show that they give a damn about what I think about who they should marry - and since they SHOULDN'T...that would mean I should have raised them with their mind open a little bit more. They should care about who they want to marry and shouldn't care if anyone else says they disapprove.

I don't get the thing about asking the father in particular...can anyone clear this up for me? Why not the mother? It's just odd...I personally don't have a father, which is awesome and totally recommended, but even my cousins that had fathers, their fathers have no say in the family they just work, do dishes, and live up to their uhm "husbandly" duties, if you catch my drift. Just sounds like a backwards tradition, not knocking it, I just find it interesting since it's not what I'm used to.

It's an extremely old tradition dating back to feudal days. Daughters came with a dowry, a portion of the Fathers wealth.

[Msterbeau]

That's my answer.

I actually would be pissed if my son/daughter asked because then that would show that they give a damn about what I think about who they should marry - and since they SHOULDN'T...that would mean I should have raised them with their mind open a little bit more. They should care about who they want to marry and shouldn't care if anyone else says they disapprove.

I don't get the thing about asking the father in particular...can anyone clear this up for me? Why not the mother? It's just odd...I personally don't have a father, which is awesome and totally recommended, but even my cousins that had fathers, their fathers have no say in the family they just work, do dishes, and live up to their uhm "husbandly" duties, if you catch my drift. Just sounds like a backwards tradition, not knocking it, I just find it interesting since it's not what I'm used to.

Wait. We agree??? WTF!!

*World Ends*

[zenaleigh]

Awwww, How selfish. I'll recieve make-up bj's for you.

LOL...have at it

[Bernadette]

First, congrats MD!

I don't know about 'permission' .. but running it by the parents would be a kind gesture.

Chivalry?

On the flipside, what about the male's parents??? (devil's advocate)

[creatureofthenyte]

See.. Part of me gets that it's respectful for the boy to ask the parents. But then I think... Why doesn't the girl ask HIS parents if it's OK? And why should a person ask the parents if it's OK? It's their life.. let them do what they think is right. Are we supposed to treat them like property? What happens if a parent disapproves? Do you dump him? I would hope that my children talk about their partners with us and ask for advice when needed, but I have no expectations that that partner should ask my permission. It's not mine to give.

I think that the girl doesn't ask the boy's parents if its ok, for the same reason why the girl doesn't ask the boy out when they first meet. I don't know why, or where it came from, but there is the notion that the boy is supposed to make the first move and ask the girl out. And, the boy is supposed to propose marriage to the girl, if that is where they're at in the relationship. Asking the parents for the fiancee's hand in marriage is more of a formality thing, a gesture of respect. Kind of like a demonstration of character perhaps. You're right though; its their life they do what they will. And if I were in that situation, and the parent disapproved then I would not dump the girl because of that. But another factor to consider, is it important to the person to have her fiancee ask her parents for her hand in marriage like MD is ? To alot of people, it may seem ridiculous, but to some its a really big deal.

[Destroit]

mmmmm yes, but He got PLENTY of bj's and I got nothing in return so whos the real victim here

He'd be after I dumped his ass . No the fuck way does that fly with Chernobyl, nuh-uh! If you're my bf...you put out...OR ELSE *shakes fist angrily* .

[TitsMcGee]

The boy had BETTER ask. We have guns, and we're not afraid to clean them in front of him.

lol my dad has actually done that...to my ex-fiance of all people.

I also believe that a guy should ask for the parents blessing. If they give it, yay. If they don't, tough shit it's happening anyway.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I haven't read what other people have posted, so forgive me if I am repeating anything. I personally decline from the tradition because of its origins--coverture, anyone? From a time when women weren't considered to be whole people--they were the property of their fathers until a man agreed to take care of them. Me, valuing my independence and individuality, would not want any part of that tradition to be a part of my wedding vows. Enough so that even though I most sincerely want my father to be present, I refuse to have him "give me away". I'll do my own giving, thank you. I DO, however, have a great amount of respect for my parents and would myself seek their blessing for my marriage, just as I would hope to have the blessing of my partner's parents and siblings.

[TygerLili]

That's my answer.

I actually would be pissed if my son/daughter asked because then that would show that they give a damn about what I think about who they should marry - and since they SHOULDN'T...that would mean I should have raised them with their mind open a little bit more. They should care about who they want to marry and shouldn't care if anyone else says they disapprove.

I don't get the thing about asking the father in particular...can anyone clear this up for me? Why not the mother? It's just odd...I personally don't have a father, which is awesome and totally recommended, but even my cousins that had fathers, their fathers have no say in the family they just work, do dishes, and live up to their uhm "husbandly" duties, if you catch my drift. Just sounds like a backwards tradition, not knocking it, I just find it interesting since it's not what I'm used to.

I pretty much agree with Cher on this. I do care to an extent if my parents, my mom much more than my dad, like any guy I am considering marrying, but for pete's sake I don't need their persmission. My mom and I are very close, so she would already know and have given her opinion on any guy I'm dating, so it wouldn't be a shock to her if we got engaged. My dad and I have a pretty distant relationship, and he gets no say in my life what-so-ever. It's not animosity, just apathy.

So, yeah, in this day and age this tradition makes no sense to me, as long as both parties are over 18. But then again, I've never really been intereted in having a traditional wedding anyway.

[eleven]

I think that the girl doesn't ask the boy's parents if its ok, for the same reason why the girl doesn't ask the boy out when they first meet. I don't know why, or where it came from, but there is the notion that the boy is supposed to make the first move and ask the girl out. And, the boy is supposed to propose marriage to the girl, if that is where they're at in the relationship. Asking the parents for the fiancee's hand in marriage is more of a formality thing, a gesture of respect. Kind of like a demonstration of character perhaps. You're right though; its their life they do what they will. And if I were in that situation, and the parent disapproved then I would not dump the girl because of that. But another factor to consider, is it important to the person to have her fiancee ask her parents for her hand in marriage like MD is ? To alot of people, it may seem ridiculous, but to some its a really big deal.

I ask guys out all the time thanks :D

But I am on the fence on this one. Its not necessarily important but it would show he cared about having my family in his life