From the stranger......

[bled_dry]

Hey hope everyone is doing well, I know that I'm a bit of a stanger here, but here's something new, hope you like it!!

--With Dreams--

Frost touch my cheek, I want to feel it

Bits of flake like spiders crawl cross fingers

Flutter away from lashes this bitterness

Last chance to breathe, now go!

Rise like springtime once again

Hells paths' not been warming

But its given me a needle and a string

Crisp blackened broken halo round

No costumes to bring

Dirty angels still know how to sing

I don't need a savior, nor Jesus Christ

Like the devil and his sordid staff

All I need is your truth

All I need is your laugh

Let me know what you guys think!!!!

[e-jewell]

It's alright, except the sporadic random rhyming you jump into is quite evident. It stood out to me, and made it difficult to concentrate on your meaning.

Either follow a verse pattern that has been proven in the past to be harmonic and pleasing to the human eye/ear/mind.... or don't rhyme at all. "Last chance to breathe, now go!" also sounded a little strange to me. It doesn't really fit the romantic, soft ambience that you originally seem to set the stage with.

Anyways I liked it. I'm not much for telling people how wonderful they are, I'd rather give my opinion on how you can be perfect... in my eyes, which are in my face, connected to my brain.

And being someone who never has her works commented on, I can sympathize with your lonely, '0 replies' status. This wasn't nearly so terrible that nothing could be said.