The top 20 homicides...

[candyman]

Top 20 Homicides of the Year <<Rated R>>

Every year, the U.S. F.B.I. is asked to investigate over 36,000 serious crimes including murder & homicide cases. "Top 20 Homicides of the Year". Top 20 are as follows:

20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, was killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs. Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

19. Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day but, crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party, her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge

felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later).

17. David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girlfriend Charla after he attempted to "have his way with her". His unwelcome advances were met with a prompt kick in the chest and then four shots from a doubled barreled shot gun Charla's father had given to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

16. Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for eight years (yes, eight years). Landlord Kirk Weston clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realized just how long it had been since Mr. Halos paid his rent.

15. Mary-Lee Cooper, 11 years old, was killed by her one year old sister who climbed on top of her while she was sleeping, suffocating her.

14. Megan Fri, 44 years old, was killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town simulation. Seeing the troopers all walking slow down the street, Megan jumped out in front of them and yelled, "Boo!" The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting their target. "She just looked like a very real looking target," one of the troopers stated in his report.

13. Fiona Given, 17 years old, was killed by a hit man hired by her ex-boyfriend after she broke off their relationship. The hit man was promised to be paid $500,000 for the task. The hit man killed the boyfriend after he found out that a 16 year old high school student, whose father was in jail for rape and whose mother worked as an ironing lady, didn't have access to $500,000.

12. Louis Zaragoza, 68 years old, was killed as he prepared to drive to work. His wife, Lee Zaragoza, had been plotting to kill him for over a year, and had cut the brakes on his car four times previously. On this attempt, Lee was just about to cut the brakes again when Louis snuck up behind her. He grabbed her and spun her around. As he did, she lost her footing and stumbled into him, stabbing him in the lower ventricle of the heart, killing him instantly.

11. Mahmood Foli, 22 years old, was killed by an unknown member of the Russian Mafia after he accidentally took away the gangster's drink too soon at the nightclub he worked in. The gangster was so upset that he forced the waiter to drink over 27 liters of Coca Cola (the drink he had taken away) until Mahmood drowned.

10. Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long. Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken aerial.

9. Helena Simms, wife of the famous American Nuclear Scientist Harold Simms, was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor. Over a period of three months, Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many

symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

8. Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his "two timing wife" by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kilograms of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was witnessed by several persons, some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater and 500 meters of missing road.

7. Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F6 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at a empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr. Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this, he invited Miss Winter over "for a cup of coffee and a chat" about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine. As she walked into the yard, he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5000 degrees, killing her

instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

6. Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie 'Die Hard With a Vengeance' as his inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read "Death to all niggers!" on one side and "God love the K.K.K." on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

5. Jay Newton was killed after a co-worker at Sea World in Florida dropped a 20 ton killer whale on him. The whale had been hoisted out of his tank by a Master Tonne Crane, when the victim swam underneath to inspect the harness. His colleague, Brian Hartley, released the whale, crushing the victim instantly (and emptying a quarter of the water from the pool).

4. Carl Densinter, 34 years old, was killed by a fellow worker trying to prove a point. The worker, San Amote Pet, disconnected the internal landing gear settings on a Boeing 747 test plane (the plane's gear automatically retracts after take off). But come landing time, the landing gear wouldn't

3. Mary Dridely, Joseph Coles and Haven Gillies were killed as they walked past a New York apartment building. David Smee, aged 7, and his 6 year old sister were left alone in their 27th floor hotel room by their parents as they went to the hotel's gaming room. Bored, the kids though it would be fun to try to squish the "ant looking things on the foot path below" (people). They started by throwing fruit, then quickly graduated to chairs, televisions, even the drawers from the bedroom dresser.

2. Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem and had no sense of smell. After the argument, Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the three gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me. Brian."

Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house and himself in the process.

1. Gail Queens, 23 years old, was killed by her zoo keeper boyfriend He 'invited her' to the zoo to see the lions feeding, and at feeding time led her into a room that had a large slide away panel. He explained to her that it was a large glass viewing window to watch the lions devour their prey. He 'ducked out for a quick smoke' and locked her in the room. Suddenly the slide away panel opened to reveal many people staring at her. She was just about to yell and tell them that they were on the wrong side of the glass when she realized that it was her on the wrong side. Another panel opened and three hungry lions were let into the pen. Gail survived for two days in hospital before dying of massive internal injuries.

[StormKnight (1)]

Looking at some of these, I can tell there are a lot of people with *really* short fuses.

[candyman]

Looking at some of these, I can tell there are a lot of people with *really* short fuses.

Yeah...nuts doesn't even come close.

And now I am very afraid of dildos...while before I was quite neutral. Shit, the girl in the room next to me has about 15 of them...

[Simon Bar Sinister]

How are #19 and #15 homicides?

[candyman]

How are #19 and #15 homicides?

ask the FBI...also ask them about cross-dressing

[TomCat]

yeah, there are some sick individuals who REALLY put a "personal touch" into their work.

[TitsMcGee]

Some of these seem seriously too fucked up to be true.

[TomCat]

Some of these seem seriously too fucked up to be true.

Yeah, like, diabolical and calculated even! Heavens to Mergatroid!!!

[Der Nister]

That's one list I wanna stay off of.

[Goth Brooks]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.asp

I sure do love snopes.

[candyman]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/fbitop20.asp

I sure do love snopes.

As do I...but its the only place where all these are listed together...the false part is it being some current report. The strange truth is that all these happened. They talk about the drowning from coca-cola thing unlikely but we have had many drownings just like this in Madison. Not forced but still the same thing...and never, EVER fuck with the russian mafia, ever.

I also have one on exploding bladders which seems unlikely but also happens...my question is can I laugh at someone when their bladder explodes?

[TomCat]

That's one list I wanna stay off of.

WORD!!!

[StormKnight (1)]

I also have one on exploding bladders which seems unlikely but also happens...my question is can I laugh at someone when their bladder explodes?

Go ask the ghost of Tycho Brahe, see if he can confirm or deny he held his water too long at a banquet.

Tycho died on 24 October 1601 in Prague, eleven days after suddenly becoming very ill during a banquet. Toward the end of his illness he is said to have told Kepler "Ne frustra vixisse videar!", "Let me not seem to have lived in vain”. For hundreds of years, the general belief was that he had strained his bladder. It had been said that to leave the banquet before it concluded would be the height of bad manners, and so he remained, and that his bladder, stretched to its limit, developed an infection which later killed him. This theory was supported by Kepler's first-hand account.

Recent investigations have suggested that Tycho did not die from urinary problems but instead from mercury poisoning: extremely toxic levels of it have been found in his hair and hair-roots. Tycho may have poisoned himself by imbibing some medicine containing unintentional mercuric chloride impurities, or may have been poisoned. According to a 2005 book by Joshua Gilder and Anne-Lee Gilder, there is substantial circumstantial evidence that Kepler murdered Brahe; they argue that Kepler had the means, motive, and opportunity, and stole Tycho's data on his death. According to the Gilders, they find it "unlikely" Tycho could have poisoned himself since he was an alchemist known to be familiar with the toxicity of different mercury compounds.

[Goth Brooks]

The strange truth is that all these happened.

If that were true, snopes would have mentioned it along with references.

Google the names, the only listings you'll see are copies of this very "factoid".

Its a fiction, enjoy it and move on, but don't post it as fact.

[candyman]

Go ask the ghost of Tycho Brahe, see if he can confirm or deny he held his water too long at a banquet.

Well its said that he had the infection before the drinking which would have made it alot worse. The drunken college of Madison is home to some of the worst drinking problems and while nobody has had a bladder explode it sounds like a few have been close. A doctor at the university reported that most bladders rupture due to a full bladder during an accident. Your body cannot react fast enough and the seatbelt or other things like the steering wheel and such. He said if you feel and accident coming on you should probably relieve yourself first.

I can't even revive the ghost of my sex life so I don't think that this guy is gonna talk.

[candyman]

If that were true, snopes would have mentioned it along with references.

Google the names, the only listings you'll see are copies of this very "factoid".

Its a fiction, enjoy it and move on, but don't post it as fact.

Well, I have heard of some of these deaths before, method not names. I could really care less what it is though...its good relief from all the political talk and the depressing economy shit thats around anyways.

[Slogo]

"Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says I hate n*****s has either got some serious personal issues or not all his dogs are barking"

[Homicidalheathen]

Good post. A lil murder and mayhem to start the day...(I like this person already)

do believe I have seen a few of these before...

dunno about this one:

18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge

felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later).

He would have tasted it and I think it would take more than a sip and a minute to kill ya.

[StormKnight (1)]

Good post. A lil murder and mayhem to start the day...(I like this person already)

do believe I have seen a few of these before...

dunno about this one:

18. Peter Stone, 42 years old, was murdered by his eight year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her father's coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed (Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge

felt she didn't realize what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later).

He would have tasted it and I think it would take more than a sip and a minute to kill ya.

That and the fact that if memory serves, rat poison=coumadin (kills the rats via internal bleeding,) would have been a slow onset (it takes days in humans to have an effect. Yes, the same coumadin they use for blood thinners in humans. There are reasons it has to be monitored carefully when it is used.

[candyman]

He would have tasted it and I think it would take more than a sip and a minute to kill ya.

This is why I only drink stuff from cans that have not been opened yet. Highschool gave me the Laxative attacks of 2003 which resulted in some horrible cases of the runs...or what I like to call "turbo rectum".