How to rid one's house

[Homicidalheathen]

A few of my tried and true techniques

Anounce, loudly...that your tired and dirty and are going to take a shower, then come out and zone on the couch nakey and fall asleep with cheesy poof drool and it WONT BE PRETTY...then proceed to do so...

Fart.

Fart again.

Make it 3.

Shoot your gun at the ceiling (ok I didn't do it but my roomie did once) it works. (it was only a lil 22)

[candyman]

It is much easier to keep a copy of Biodome on hand that you can threaten people with...I don't even need to explain how that works either...it is too graphic.

[jynxxxedangel]

Take up chain-smoking cheap cigars (smoke 'em out!)

Be adamant that Lifetime Network stays on the television in the living room at all times, unless you are watching Oprah (guys, in particular, HATE that)

Pick your nose, and/or pretend to bite your toenails, while they are eating dinner (yum!)

Play junkanoo music loudly at 5 in the morning (ahhhh, the joyous sounds of Carnivale! )

Be sure to keep a brand new red t-shirt in the washer at all times-- just in case they decide to wash their white t-shirts and under-drawers (every unwanted houseguest should own at least a few pink undergarments!)

Edited October 7, 2009 by jynxxxedangel

[Homicidalheathen]

omg thanks jinx those will work great

[pomba gira]

Put 'em to work. Announce that it's time to move all the large heavy furniture around... or, for long-term guests, to start some major home-improvement project. Give them a written list of their project duties.

Asking them to loan you money works pretty well, too.

[Tacohitts]

I just don't let losers or douchebags in my house in the first place.

[jynxxxedangel]

Put 'em to work. Announce that it's time to move all the large heavy furniture around... or, for long-term guests, to start some major home-improvement project. Give them a written list of their project duties.

Asking them to loan you money works pretty well, too.

Sometimes, the "home-improvement" ploy works in their favour, though. If they are willing to help you work, they will throw it up in your face, after the project is finished-- stating that it's their right to stay on, for having done so much. I've actually had that happen.

[Destroit]

I pick them up by their balls and/or vagina and then throw them out.

There are other methods than this? Interesting. I haven't had to use anything else yet.

[Destroit]

Sometimes, the "home-improvement" ploy works in their favour, though. If they are willing to help you work, they will throw it up in your face, after the project is finished-- stating that it's their right to stay on, for having done so much. I've actually had that happen.

See, I'm the opposite, I show up at friends' houses whom I know don't have a car or doesn't always have access to it (generally we do this to Jabberwok), tell him that we have candy, food, puppies, free money, beer, etc at our new house, get him in the car unsuspectingly and drive to our new hovel in Warren. Once he gets out he realizes that it was actually entrapment and we put him to work and let him know that we will return him home when he is finished remodeling our house. We pay him in his freedom to leave . I'm sure it's pretty unorthodox behavior but it's how Chernobyl gets shit done.

He's already helped take out our fence, take down our awning, put in our insulation, and knock down ghetto drywall in the basement...FOR FREE! All using this spectacular and highly effective entrapment method. What a friend .

[TheGimp]

See, I'm the opposite, I show up at friends' houses whom I know don't have a car or doesn't always have access to it (generally we do this to Jabberwok), tell him that we have candy, food, puppies, free money, beer, etc at our new house, get him in the car unsuspectingly and drive to our new hovel in Warren. Once he gets out he realizes that it was actually entrapment and we put him to work and let him know that we will return him home when he is finished remodeling our house. We pay him in his freedom to leave . I'm sure it's pretty unorthodox behavior but it's how Chernobyl gets shit done.

He's already helped take out our fence, take down our awning, put in our insulation, and knock down ghetto drywall in the basement...FOR FREE! All using this spectacular and highly effective entrapment method. What a friend .

NO OFFENCE at all...but if hes being tricked that many times into doing work for free LOL then he deserves it...but if hes jus being a nice guy and doin the work then thats cool but i just cant imagine falling for the free puppie trick more then once

FYI Jynxie i love Oprah....and her book of the month club thank you very much

[Invictus]

Step 1:

Lift

Step 2:

Fling

Step 3:

Miller Time

[AstralCrux]

I dunno. Most people don't stick around to long... Maybe I'm good at it?

[StormKnight (1)]

Limit the number of chairs in the house to two.

*ducks from wrath of people who say get more furniture*

Like I need to throw people out of my place on a regular basis.