In the mind of the abused.

[wheresmypiggy]

David and I finally broke down and started screaming at each other. I burst into tears. He couldn't figure out why I was so emotional. Over something really stupid too.

He held me for awhile and finally asked me if I had ever been abused. The answer was repeatedly.

For the first time he looked genuinely understanding. "I've never been abused so I can't say I know how you feel. But now I know. Tell me how you feel."

What is is like for other people who have been abused?

Does it effect your everyday life?

Make relationships almost impossible?

Wake you up at night?

What impact has it had on your life?

How do you cope?

Does anyone really understand?

[saechalyn]

Oh man. I don't usually talk about this, but you asked, so here goes. I might regret this later...oh well.

Yes I was abused. Does it affect my everyday life? Not directly. It's not something constantly on my mind, but there are repercussions, sure.

Make relationships almost impossible? In a word, yes.

Wake me up at night? Not really. Occasionally I have nightmares, and those are really bad but, rare.

What impact has it had on my life?

I don't trust people and I keep everyone at a distance. I've learned to let them in to an extent, but there are limits. Big, glaring, bright red in-your-face limits.

Things that are no big deal for other people are a big deal for me. I can't be casual about anything. I take every interaction and relationship (platonic or otherwise) too seriously. I overanalyze everything. I have problems with emotions. In one of my (several, all failed miserably) attempts at therapy the therapist told me I had worked through all my problems intellectually but not emotionally. I have no idea how to deal with the emotional aspects. Often times I don't feel anything at all, or just anger.

How do I cope? Just take things one day at a time. Not do anything I'm not ready for. My defense mechanisms might keep people away from me but they also keep me away from bad things too. I tell myself a lot of people in my situation have turned out a lot worse than I am.

Does anyone really understand? Not that I have found.

I'm glad you were able to get this out with him...I hope some good comes of it.

[Homicidalheathen]

My doctor said my being abused has caused some wierd pychotic disorder called cognetive thinking disorder. I distort reality in my mind....to a point....in a way that usually hurts me.

I have ADD and being neglected to the point of being left alone at the top of stairs on my rolley horse....didn't help much....I am sure that brain injury coupled with the other few I have had over the years does something....

So I have to go to these ACOA meetings for reality checks....like when I start lashing out, after keeping things bottled up....or acting out....acting out can be giving people the brush off and silent treatment too....something I just learned I do.

So I guess thats it....Oh and my nightmares....I pretty much got that under control.

:tear

[kellygrrrrrl]

I have been in that boat.

We are what we have learned. We are what we expirience. We deal with things the way our parents delt with things, whether they be the right way or the wrong way. Whether we realize it or not. This will all have an impact on how we handle things on a day to day basis. It is not something we think about because it comes naturally. This is what we know. We only know what we have learned.

How we were raised, and whether or not we were abused, this will affect how we live day to day, and how we interact with others.

As Yoda will say, you must UNLEARN

..............Ok, I know. GEEK.

[kellygrrrrrl]

My doctor said my being abused has caused some wierd pychotic disorder called cognetive thinking disorder.  I distort reality in my mind....to a point....in a way that usually hurts me.

I have ADD and being neglected to the point of being left alone at the top of stairs on my rolley horse....didn't help much....I am sure that brain injury coupled with the other few I have had over the years does something....

So I have to go to these ACOA meetings for reality checks....like when I start lashing out, after keeping things bottled up....or acting out....acting out can be giving people the brush off  and silent treatment too....something I just learned I do.

So I guess thats it....Oh and my nightmares....I pretty much got that under control.

:tear

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow, you hit it right on the nose. I tend to have the same issues. Perhaps I can talk to you about this group? Are you going to Luna tonite?

[Homicidalheathen]

Um I posted about it before..it is only the group that helps me. It is ACOA Adult children of Alcoholics...kinda a co-dependancy group. Most of us are reformed chemical addicts however....that is what our generation choose.

They have a group for abused...raped.....even one for reformed cult members which everyone thinks I need because of some past uh contacts......

It is always held at the Church of Today in warren on East bound 11 mile rd. They have all the support group info on fliers in there and probably on the web...it is a Unity church.

Wow, you hit it right on the nose.  I tend to have the same issues.  Perhaps I can talk to you about this group?  Are you going to Luna tonite?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[bean]

This is something I really don't like discussing, but yeah, I've been abused, numerous times throughout my life.

Does it effect your everyday life?

Yeah. I can't stand people that I don't know touching me, except when I'm drunk or high, then I don't care. This is why I have a hard time being sober at the club and in other crowded public places.

Make relationships almost impossible?

I don't know if I would say impossible, but I would say difficult. I don't trust anyone, and I keep everyone at a distance. If someone gets too close I will do things that will push them away. All my relationships have been fucked up. I almost always have sex or do sexual things when I'm drunk and/or high.

Wake you up at night?

Yeah, I wake up with panic attacks sometimes. I have nightmares about it fairly regularly.

What impact has it had on your life?

I have a hard time trusting people and it takes a long time for someone to gain my trust. It is also very easy to lose my trust. I am afraid to meet new people because I am afraid that some sort of abuse will happen again.

How do you cope?

I have to keep telling myself that the world is not out to hurt me, and as mentioned above, drinking/drugs.

Does anyone really understand?

Honestly, I don't think so.

[DarkVampire]

Verbal abuse from an alcoholic father when I was a kid. Not going into details, the past is the past.

[Brenda Starrr]

What is is like for other people who have been abused?

I've learned not to think about it so much..

Does it effect your everyday life?

Nope. Not anymore..

Make relationships almost impossible?

Nope. Not anymore.

Wake you up at night?

Again, not anymore.

What impact has it had on your life?

I discovered that I'm a WHOLE lot stronger than I was allowed to ever believe. I take No shit from NObody. I discovered that I really AM worthwhile. Part of me already knew it. The rest of it was drilled into me by Wayne.

How do you cope?

I just do.

Does anyone really understand?

Only others who have been there, just like me.

[EvilEve]

wow, my subtitle opened up a whole new flood gate... i'm flattered. :blushing

but, to answer some questions here, which i don't really mind talking about because if i talk about it, the more i start to realize that, yes, i wasn't the only one that was abused, and it makes those details that i blocked out come in, and more clear. so hear it goes.

effect my everyday life? not really. it just makes me very leary about some people. that's both a good and bad thing.

make relationships almost impossible? depending. friends, i have very few that know about my childhood trauma's. dating, i've only actually dated 3 people,(either i'm picky, or i gave them the "fuck off" look) and one of them i'm with now, again, that knows some of my past.

wake me up at night? it use to when i was a kid. now, all i have to hear is the tone in someone's voice, and depending on what it is, it'll wake me up in a heartbeat. the nightmares were pretty bad too... but we won't get into those just yet.

what impact has it had? again, it's just made me very leary about some people. i don't like to be touched on my back for any reason, unless i've know the person(s) for a very long time. it's the whole metaphore of being "stabbed in the back too many times" that has been planted into my head. i'm not a touchy-feely person (anymore) because of social anxiety, and because i'm shy as hell.

how do i cope? i forget about it while i'm having fun, or doing something that needs to be done. you never really learn to get over that kind of thing, you just live with it. keep reminding yourself that, yes, something terrible happend to me, but i'm a different person now, and i can deal with it. as long as i know how to prevent it from happening again, i won't relive that experience any time soon.

does anyone really understand? no one will ever truely understand the scarring of any kind of abuse. even if someone has gone through some of the same things as others, that person will never fully understand what actually happened to them.

and don't worry, i won't be posting any new topics of childhood horror's. granted, i am nosy, but i know where to draw the line.

[Dollardave]

I'm not getting exactly what u mean by abused is this sexually? I was abused when I was a kid verbally and physically beatings etc then when I grew up kids liked to pick on me cuz my dad was a cop. I got schizophrenia now so I'm not sure if it was caused by that or the 50 hits of acid I did throughout my life. I also go on and off of vicodin every month so that could be a factor. Abuse sucks my wife got abused when she was 4 sexually with her sister and brother with sticks by a 6 yr old. Shes bisexual now and believes thats the reason she is so. I'm sorry that you and David had problems Jesi cuz you're a really nice girl that I enjoy talking to. Try a 9 yr relationship we've been through it all.

[Guest Game of Chance]

I'm not getting exactly what u mean by abused is this sexually?  I was abused when I was a kid verbally and physically beatings etc then when I grew up kids liked to pick on me cuz my dad was a cop.  I got schizophrenia now so I'm not sure if it was caused by that or the 50 hits of acid I did throughout my life.  I also go on and off of vicodin every month so that could be a factor.  Abuse sucks my wife got abused when she was 4 sexually with her sister and brother with sticks by a 6 yr old.  Shes bisexual now and believes thats the reason she is so.  I'm sorry that you and David had problems Jesi cuz you're a really nice girl that I enjoy talking to.  Try a 9 yr relationship we've been through it all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't think it was the acid. I've done quite a bit myself. :whistling

Sorry to hear about it though man.

[Dollardave]

I don't think it was the acid.  I've done quite a bit myself.  :whistling

Sorry to hear about it though man.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Its ok brother. It got me well equipped in the martial arts since I was 14 no one lays a hand on me now but I am very well disciplined and try not to start fights. PM me sometime if u ever wanna chat on the phone we can. How was your date send me PM. I haven't done acid in 6yrs tho so its a good thing.

[Guest Game of Chance]

Its ok brother.  It got me well equipped in the martial arts since I was 14 no one lays a hand on me now but I am very well disciplined and try not to start fights.  PM me sometime if u ever wanna chat on the phone we can.  How was your date send me PM.  I haven't done acid in 6yrs tho so its a good thing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

will do...

[Troy Spiral (13)]

To close to home for me at this point still. My heart goes out to any and all people that have suffered severe abuse of one form or another.

[Nienna]

I've never been physically abused in any way, though i really think that a majority of my romantic relationships have included pretty severe emotional abuse. I'm not exactly sobbing into rumpled bedsheets over it, but it has really affected the way i interact. I feel like it's made me not so trusting. I have a hugely (negatively) distorted sense of my self worth and self image. It dosn't really affect my daily life, but in relationships it makes me paranoid, like I'm always waiting for it start again, expecting it even. When it does happen I'm always convinced it's my fault...

I got some help about it after a bad breakup not so long ago, but it didn't really help at all. Just something one has to live with.. there are worse things.

[Lilith]

=(

[Steven]

"An edited cut and paste from another thread regarding sobriety...""

intentionally? No. (tried to kill myself)

subconsciously? Maybe.

I know what its like to have parents that are hardcore addicts.

I know what its like to be beaten bloody over and over again as a little boy. In front of people. Who do nothing, say nothing, are nothing.

I know what its like to be raised in a religeous cult and be seperated from the mainstream and to wait for armegeddon. No friends from school, none of that loud rock and roll msuic, all things closely monitored as if I lived behind a wall.

I know what its like to move to a new house and new school every year and leave everything you know behind again. And then be told to ignore the change, those people I was fond of are not one of us...

I know what its like to have others see and thus condone the abuse and never do a thing or wrap it up tightly in a pretty religeous wrapper.

I know what its like to live scared of my father's rages and pee the bed till I was 12. And to live scared in the streets - because home became too much.

So......, I know what its like to have problems with my head. And secrets.

And to go on week long drug binges of any and every sort possible.

And to drive motorcycles very fast down Hollywood Blvd while hallucintating on acid and PCP.

And to lay in the street in my own vomit.

And to use so much Meth every day that I was just a walking (and stinking) open sore.

And to fuck anyone at any time and never use protection.

And to fuck WITH - the wrong people and thus need protection.

And to be out on the wrong streets at the wrong time playing the wrong odds looking for the wrong thrill.

And to feel like Angels were watching you, some to help you and some to harm you, but you listen to the wrong ones over and over again.

and to feel sanity slipping from my grasp - or wonder if it was ever within my grasp.

....all of that stuff is behind me now, but its still a part of me. The abuse, to a certain extent, makes me a better person in that I can quickly feel protective of those I love, or empathy for those I meet who are suffering. But it sometimes makes me a worse person because I am very quick to judge and rather viscious when it comes to protecting myself or others.... sometimes the degree of intesity does not match the crime committed.

I never dream about it ( I used to) but I've also had to push forward to create a life for myself and my wife and hopefully our own children one day. I am the family blacksheep for airing our dirty laundry, consequently I am not welcome in some family homes. But they are not healthy homes - so I dont belong there.

I'm not going to get preachy on you but having a relationship with God also makes a huge difference for me. And Laura - who went thru many similar things here in Detroit - is a great partner for me.

Its ok to have some chinks in your armour I think. As I get older I embrace it more and more.

[Kit Kat P]

For me it was verbal and in some parts of my brain it's like it has never stopped even though I have this excellent gf that loves and cares and helps me fight his voice. The flood of inappropriate emotions at random times and the severe, nearly sucidal depression is on the fringes of my every day life

[Draco1958]

I'm gonna pipe here a little. Let me first state that I do not understand what you all have gone thru. I do however a little idea. That is because I went thru 11 years of emotional and verbal abuse to the point that I will ask friends and aquaintences if something I did was good or not. I am always worried that something I do will upset people, even those I don't know. Saddest part about it that it didn't happen when I was young. It happened during my marriage. I have always had a low self esteem and my ex played on it. Always berrating me, nothing I did was ever right, down to the point of withholding sex and affection. This is why I stated right off that I do not have a good understanding of what you all have been thru but have a little idea of it. It has caused me to question anything I do for someone, did I do it right, will they be happy, could I have done better and such. I find that I also seek approval as to whether I am attractive to others, am I dressed ok. I find myself at times getting emotionally attached to people(but I don't act on it) easily. But that is for another thread when I am ready to talk about that. So ladies, no need to fret, I won't become a stalker or anything but as a friendship develops, at times I will miss chatting with you. Depression reigns supreme at times and I go from a friendly, chatty guy to a closed off, quiet, sit in the corner and be moody guy who sometimes seems scary and unapproachable but I'm not. So hopefully, this doesn't scare anyone off from getting to know me. I know I still want to get to know people here.