Poor, deprived children getting stiffed

[Fierce Critter]

I've got some stuff I'm selling on local Yahoo buy/sell/trade groups. I got a few responses from people making me rather low offers, and some of them have included language like, "I wish I could offer more, but money is tight and I've got to get my kids more gifts", etc.

MORE gifts? What? There some kind of quota system or gift:kid ratio I've never been privy to?

And if you "only" have $100 to give me for that $200 snow blower because you need the rest of the money to spend on your kids, shouldn't you be sticking with a shovel if getting those kids gifts is so important?

I mean, come on! WTF?

When I was a kid, I got decent gifts. Though we weren't rich by any means, we never had a Dickensian "lean" holiday.

But I was encouraged to make a list of what I wanted by my sister - often the surrogate mom in the home and an avid gift-giver. I can remember being insulted - even as a very small child - when they'd see my loooooooooooooong list of "suggestions" and accuse me of being greedy and asking, "my, we want a LOT this year, who's going to buy you all this?"

I WAS MAKING FREAKING SUGGESTIONS AS ASKED!!!!! I didn't expect to get more than one freaking gift from that list, if any! I was actually being conscious of how, sometimes, even though I really wanted - and asked for - that $20 (in 70's economy) electronic game all my friends had had for months, I probably couldn't expect to get it, so I'd better suggest something else in the $5.00 range.

I was budget-conscious even then.

Jon shared with me how, in the uber-lean year his mother finally left his abusive father, her gift to him was a matchbox car. GIFT. SINGULAR. How much that car meant to him.

I dunno. I have never understood my friends getting expensive gifts, tons of them, etc. when I was a kid. And as an adult, I am amazed and astonished at the amount some people spend on gifts for their kids.

Am I alone in this?

[Guest Game of Chance]

They are negotiating with you.

Good luck...btw...I donated to Toys for Tots today

[Fierce Critter]

If they're trying to get me to come down in price by attempting to elicit sympathy from me due to their "deprived" children only getting SOME gifts, they're barking up the wrong tree.

And thanks =) I'll be putting more stuff on eBay later this week in a last-ditch effort to raise some spending money.

Toys for Tots is a good thing. I've given a lot of stuff away via the local Freecycle groups, to benefit people of different ages.

And making knit hats to give to the Capuchin Soup Kitchen.

I dunno - going through our own lean year with all the moving-related scarceness & sacrifice has made me feel MORE generous & charitable than ever before. I'm enjoying this.

[Crazed Vampyress]

Somewhere along the line it became about the amount you give. Kids expect to get mountains and mountains of presents because for some reason parents have decided that for the entire year of ignorning their kids, missing little billy's baseball game or little susie's dance recital, they can make up for it all by having mass quantities of gifts under the tree on christmas morning. i still remember the year my parents bought me a brand new bed for christmas, i was something like 13 and i understood that it cost a lot of money and so i knew if i did get the bed that would pretty much be all i got, and i was fine with that. but my parents, having fallen into the 'releive your guilt at christmas with presents" mindset actually pulled me aside christmas eve to explain to me that i had better not ruin christmas for my little brother just cuz he got more than me cuz his stuff costed less (him being like 3 or 4 at the time) i was SO offended - NOT that he got a larger actual number of gifts, but that THEY actually thought they had to threaten me to not ruin his christmas. Not being the complete moron they seemed to think i was, i completely understood my new bed and sheets and pillowcases cost a lot more than his dollar store blocks and fisher price plastic toolset. but, *sigh* i guess its just another example of the mindsuck people have fallen into.

[Lilith]

F.C. When i showed the snow blower to lestsat he said he wanted it, i told him no we still have to get gifts for the kids, (we only have Cody done) so i would think that other people wnat it too but are looking at there budget saying pretty much the same thing i did. the difrrence i am not trying to get you to come down on price as i already know Home Depot has the same snow blower for $399.00. Perhaps after the holidays (closer to tax time) if i could swing it and you still have it.........

Now as far as parents telling kids not to "ruin" christmas well in my experience not all people are the same and that goes for kids too. Some kids will throw a major fit if they have less quanity then there siblings (i think those greedy little kids need to be paddled) while other kids (like my oldest son) will Budget think of what he wants most and request it even if it is the only thing he gets and be perfectly happy casue he knows it cost the same amount as his sisters pile of loot. We as parents are not trying to insult our kids we are trying to avoid Drama, feeling bad that we did not do more and trying to avoid feeling like our child is a greedy little prick.

As far as the need for an adult to Buy a mountian......... Well i dont know why?

For us we have allways been "poor" so my actual giving to our kids has allways been small, many years the only gifts under the tree were from the grandparnets who said Just put santa on the gift tag. We just dont have the $, if we needed a snowblower and i mean needed that would have been bought befor the gifts, it would be a fact there would be nothing more i could do, it would just be and every one would have to be happy with what they got. IF i had the $ then ofcourse i would buy till entire list was bought. I thik some how parents even those who actually spend tiem with there kids thoughtout the year want to give them everything, it is a parent thing you want everything to be just perfect you dont want any one to be unhappy, i guess some parents cant compromise those wishes with reality. Probally the main reason why so many are in Debt and cant get out.

I also agree that if you tell a child ot make a list of wants, it does not mean they expect everything on the list. Nor should they be labled Greedy, Some kids do expect it all but many dont, and those that do expect dont need to get so they learn a lesson.

[Msterbeau]

Good luck...btw...I donated to Toys for Tots today

You are the man!!!

[Head Wreck]

batteries for my toys usualy cost more than the gifts.

my dad was on a low wage when i was born, and the house they moved into 5 years previous didnt even have a floor on one of the upper rooms, nor did the room below have a cieling.

quirky cheap stuff by the multitudes, and i was happy as is.

tbh, people still really dont know what to get me, nor do i care, but then i get wound up when i cant think of gift ideas.

[Brenda Starrr]

My kids aren't getting much this year. Two outfits and a bunch of really cool stocking stuffers. They know that we had a rough couple of months. They also get spoiled by everyone else. TOO spoiled. I told them that it's not about the gifts. It's about family and being together. They get more than what they need throughout the year. Wayne and I need to focus on the bills and food. We're focusing on our move to a 2 bedroom with den apt. when one opens up for us. Their gift is separate bedrooms and the decor of their choice. It's something that we ALL are looking forward to. I'm not expecting anything myself. I don't NEED anything material. Just my family. That's all I need.

[The_Dark]

I use Christmas as an excuse to spend all the money I want to on my kids rather than the amount I can afford... So I go way into debt every year around this time.. so what. My kids still beleive in Santa... and Santa brings toys and such... I buy them clothes when they need them and leave the "wonder" in Christmas morning.

[darkangel]

Well when You are like me and have 2 handycaped kids.

The only thing to do is tell a few ppl and start a donation night for them.

When they are real lil and dont understand why ther isnt much.

And you love them more than life its self it works out in the end.

The,darkangel/aka Mom saving Xmas

-edited to remove broken tags

[Brenda Starrr]

I have an autistic child. Both my children know what it's like to want. They also know that they can't have everything when they want it.

[JaneDead]

yes it is ok for a kid to "want" and not get. it is awful for a child to "Need" and not have those needs met.

i had a friend who got her child 25 presants one year. and her mother was chipping in to get even MORE. there were gifts all over her house.

i said why on earth would you spoil that child like that? it is so unnecessary. what if one year you can't do this again, or you have more kids and can't afford it and she expects it? what then? she will think santa hates her! that year i got my son five things i think it was?? and i thought HE got a lot!

[gothicmom]

I blam childrens programing.

They show all this crap and they make the dumbest thing look cool.

Bishop spoils the kids all year round and it irritates the crap outta me. Then he gets up set when michael isn't playing with his toys. I told him it's cuz you buy him too much all the time. He knows this, but he keeps doing it.

Bishop didn't have much of anything as a kid. His mother disagrees with this. But he says that most of the things that meant something to him was left behind in a move or stolen. I dunno.

Once again, my family life echos Critters.

[Guest Game of Chance]

You are the man!!! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's the rumor around town.

[Aralis]

I totally hear what you guys are saying and its just not right!

I am not buying anyone anything this year. I feel bad about it but I have not been working for the past 4 months so all of our money has been going to bills and food to eat. We do not have any extra. My family understands and they have helped us out alot when times were real tough.

Even though I feel shitty about not being able to get anyone anything at the same time it was kind of a relief. I usually am so stressed out at this time of year...trying to rush around and get gifts and worried about what I should get and how much I should spend. I love giving gifts but sometimes it just gets outta hand at xmas time.

[Fierce Critter]

I started this thread, and I don't mind the tangents.

I myself am getting creative for $$ for this holiday. FOr instance, I have to refill two of Jon's prescriptions right now. I've got a coupon to get a $20 gift card for transferring a single prescription at CVS. I had already planned to get a couple people something I'd already seen there, and now, I'm basically getting them free.

If I can find a 2nd coupon, I'll transfer that 2nd prescription to a different store and get yet another gift card, and get someone else a gift there, too.

And Jon is making a gift for one of my sister's. So that just leaves one or two people I'll actually have to come up with $$ for.

And hopefully, I'll get that snowblower sold and some other stuff to raise $$ for our own gifts. If not, we'll just do gifts for ourselves after Christmas. No biggie.

[honeymustard02]

FC you should start your own web site of helping people stretch their money. I think it would be a huge hit!!

[Fierce Critter]

Not to badger a point, but I'd like to add that life under my dad's carefully budgeted roof was very good. We had good meals, occasional treats, meals out on occasion, cute clothes, plenty of toys, lived in good neighborhoods, behaved ourselves, etc.

And once in a while, something magical would happen that would make everything worth it. Like the time my dad started asking me odd questions about playing a musical instrument. Then, he came home one day with a beautiful Armstrong flute in a gorgeous case with blue velvet lining. No occasion, and totally unasked-for - he just found room in the budget to foster my musical interests and did so because he FELT like it. It came from a pawnshop, was used, but just a beautiful instrument. To this day, I remember every ding, scratch, and gleam of it. He even got me lessons.

But living as tight and carefully as we did made things like that just incredible.

Christmas just always meant so much to our family. Big family gatherings, decorating the tree, seeing my cousins, midnight mass at a big church with a choir & pipe organ, snow falling as we open lots of tiny, inexpensive stocking gifts, etc.

The gifts were great, I tell you no lie. But without the rest, I think Christmas would have devolved to the kind of superficial, commercial dreck it has become for so many. I just think this push for BUY BUY BUY and quantity of "stuff" is just so overvalued these days. It makes me sad.

[pharoh]

It's funny how Christmas loses it's gleam throughout the years though lol. I am a bitter fuddy duddy lol

[Marblez]

Please note that the government assistance items that were formerly in thisa thread have been relocated HERE.