Friends & EX's

[Dirtywhispers]

Ok I want as many peoples opinion on this as possible.

Alot of you know my ex Kris. Last night I found out my supposed "best friend" has been seeing him behind my back. Of course I didnt find this out from her I had to hear it from my sister who still talks to him just to spite me.

I told her the real reason we broke up.

It is a very humiliating subject so lets just say I was violated in a way no woman should be.

Any way after letting her know the gruesome details of what happened she still chose to be with him rather than be my friend.

Any feedback would be helpful cause I'm tellin you guys I'm at rock bottom here. This culminated a week of bad news. And you all know it takes alot to get me down.

[Homicidalheathen]

I don't date freinds ex's expecially when they have hurt said freind. So is she a freind? No, more like a foe. Right?

[Dirtywhispers]

As of now yes I just got blindsided. I swear I never saw it commin.

[Homicidalheathen]

I get turned off to a guy when he acts like a jerk. I think that is pretty normal. Anyone who goes after your throw away is desparate.....and if he hurt you and it sounds like maybe it was even physical.....and not willing sex play....she is nuts and not in a good way.

Does it make her feel powerful to be with him now? Even a guy like that? Just because he was yours? I mean, is there something about this man women cannot resist?

I would just leave them both alone.

[Dirtywhispers]

Honestly I dont know how or why It happened I found out about it, called my friend told her what really happened and she chose to be with him so I hung up.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Well, let me tell you...and most people may disagree.....but coming from the other side of the spectrum, I say let them go ahead.

Just step back, and watch it all go down.

In my situation, I just got out of a 5 year relationship. He started dating someone even before we stopped dating. We stayed in touch. He liked her, great. I was happy he was happy. His best buddy called me. Asked me out. I agree'd. We had all been friends for years. Mike & I stared dating and it was almost the end of the world. Technically we "broke the code". Yes. We did. I was not going to NOT concider a relationship with Mike just because P. & I had broken up. He was already with someone, and happy. I saw logic in our going ahead in dating. Of course "P" tried every tactic in the world to break us up, tried to make Mike feel guilty, tried to make me feel guilty etc... But I pulled "P" aside one day and was like look dude, We did not do this to spite anyone, you're with someone, were still friends, what is the big deal? We really like eachother.... His response was "The Code, The Code" He got over it. We are still friends. He got married to the same gal, and I got married to Mike...5-6 years later, and it was all worth it.

Now this may not be the case for you since your friend was basically given an ultimatum. We were never given an ultimatum.

This guy may have hurt you, and probably did you very wrong. Your friend knows about this, and is choosing to ignore these facts. She will just have to see for herself.

If she had ASKED you...would it have been OK? I guess this improtant to know if I am going to offer any advice.

If she had not "Snuck around" would that have been ok?

[Homicidalheathen]

I think asking would have been nice, and maybe a little wait. Or at least discretion. Wow I have never heard of someone hooking up successfully this way. I don't care who dates my exes unless they turn out to be nuts or mean or something weird.......looser......you know. Then I question my freinds judgement.

[kellygrrrrrl]

yeah, I never had nay problems with letting freinds have ex-es. My best friend, now that I think of it, made out with one of my ex-es and later told me. I was taken by surprise, and asked her why she didn't tell me, and she said she thought I would be mad.....I said I could care less. I was more upset that she didn't say something. I got over it. It didn't work out for them. I am still friends with her, and I really don't feel betrayed.

HH: I probably would have stuck by the whole code thing had Mike been a complete DOLT....but he wasn't, and niether was I. We had been friends for years, and we liked eachother and concidered eachother almost best friends....I knew he was a good guy, he knew about ALL of my flaws thanks to "P"....and I had witnessed his flaws so we sort of knew what to expect. It was perfect. Now looking back, I wonder why we never got together sooner...Well we couldn't I guess. Timing is everything.

[AstralCrux]

There's really only one thing you can do.... Let them do their thing. Don't do what I did and try to hold on to your feelings for either of them it just makes the karma/life lesson harder. Just accept how you feel, write it down and burn it. While all the anger and whatever else you wrote down burns release those feelings. Let it go, that really is all you can do. Good luck, I'll be here for you.

[Wounds Within]

Well, let me tell you...and most people may disagree.....but coming from the other side of the spectrum, I say let them go ahead.

Just step back, and watch it all go down.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would have to agree with you there.

[Hellion]

:devil Any of my friends do that to me,also goes for relatives,are not my friends.then distrust is more common.I know I would never do that to any of my friends,NEVER!!!

[Dirtywhispers]

Crank has a point as well as kelly my position is this. I love jen more than anyone else in the whole world, She was my best friend and helped me through some very hard times . But She even said she knew it would hurt my feelings so thats why she snuck be hind my back. I wouldnt have been so mad if for one she would have told me cause now I'm worriede about what he might have done to a child close to her. I wouldnt be freaking out if it were anyother ex but that one.

HE"S DANGEROUS!! And I dont want him to hurt her or my family or those kids. The guy is not right in the head.

[Onyx]

I'm worriede about what he might have done to a child close to her. I wouldnt be freaking out if it were anyother ex but that one.

HE"S DANGEROUS!! And I dont want him to hurt her or my family or those kids. The guy is not right in the head.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you have information like this you need to report him and inform that child's parents so they can press charges - right NOW. There's nothing I hate more in this world.

[Homicidalheathen]

Yah that is kinda freaky. I mean, as women.....we share our experiences. Not to gossip but to help each other out. So she knows this and goes for him anyway.....got a screw loose if ya ask me.

Crank has a point as well as kelly my position is this. I love jen more than anyone else in the whole world, She was my best friend and helped me through some very hard times . But She even said she knew it would hurt my feelings so thats why she snuck be hind my back. I wouldnt have been so mad if for one she would have told me cause now I'm worriede about what he might have done to a child close to her. I wouldnt be freaking out if it were anyother ex but that one.

HE"S DANGEROUS!! And I dont want him to hurt her or my family or those kids. The guy is not right in the head.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Crazed Vampyress]

Ive been on both sides of the "dating a friend's ex" scenario...

been the one who had my friend date an ex. been the one who dated a friends ex. both times it turned out to be much more trouble than it was worth and so ive made a policy to just steer clear and make sure my friends know i expect the same. when i was the one who was dating a friends ex, she told me she had a problem with it and i cut loose cuz that friendship was more important to me. when it was my ex a friend was dating, they insisted on continuing the relationship and i lost a good friend because of that. a year later when they werent together any more she wanted to hang out again, but the damage was done... that boat had sailed.

so i guess... if this person is still dating the guy, they probably werent a very good friend to begin with. in the long run you may be better off letting them run each other into the ground and you do your best to move on, chin up and all that.

Best of Luck!

[Rayne]

It doesn't bother me if a friend dates my ex's. All I require is honesty.

[Dirtywhispers]

I wouldnt have been so mad if she would have been honest with me. I have no proof to report so theres nothing I can do as far as that goes. But she's also bipolar and not the best judge of character.

[kellygrrrrrl]

IF you have the ability to perhaps forgive this girl, maybe trying to be more concerned for her safety should be highlighted.

Although most people will have to SEE FOR THEMSELVES.....and not take advice....

Maybe you should explain to her that you are concerned for her safety. Sit her down and have a heart to heart.

We all make mistakes. Sounds like she was more afraid to be honest. Afraid of the outcome...which did nothing to prevent the outcome...you being upset with her...

Has she ever did you wrong before? Maybe you should forgive her if so....

People want to be loved and want to be wanted, and this guy has probably demonstrated this to her very well.....being the manipulative guy that you have described him to be.....

Charm can be very dangerous and unfortunately, a lot of girls fall for it and can't read between the lines. Sounds like your friend fell for it....

At least be supportive. Be forgiving. Don't hold grudges. They eat us up inside.

Has she shown any remorse?

[EvilEve]

i've had this happen, and there is no easy way to deal with it. if it bothers you that much, sit down and talk with your best friend. maybe she'll understand, maybe she won't, but you'll at least have given her fair warning about your experience with your ex.

[Hellion]

:devil HONESTY IS THE KEY OF RESPECT AND COMPASSION TO EVERYONE!!

[Zoe Means Death]

:devil HONESTY IS THE KEY OF RESPECT AND COMPASSION TO EVERYONE!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I disagree completely. Honesty has shit to do with respect and compassion. Or at least it should be that way. You should be honest even if it's brutal, fuck honesty for compassion's sake. And respect- I respect those who earn it.

[Hellion]

:devil Shit I am very honest, and I still get treated like shit for no reason.

[Dirtywhispers]

Well we sat down and talked and i found out he had a record and showed that to her so she dropped him like a bad habit & apologized endlessly so we're tryin to work things out.

[Hellion]

Well we sat down and talked and i found out he had a record and showed that to her so she dropped him like a bad habit & apologized endlessly so we're tryin to work things out.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:devil hopefully it works out for you.

[AstralCrux]

Good luck. Hopefully one day you can trust each other again.