My Wife's health

[The_Dark]

Well, I've been keeping things to myself on this... mostly because we don;t really know whats going on yet. It's come to the point that i have to vent though... I'm worried and it's eating me from the inside out. A bit of back story first...

She has been having bad headaches for about 6 or 7 months. They come on all of a sudden. She describes them as pins and needles in her brain. And her head feels numb. At the same time she has been having problems breathing... like passing out if she lies on her left side for any length of time. She also seems to have gained some weight and no matter what she does she cant loose it.

So, in December she started having tests run. They did an MRI on her head and a few test on her lungs... The lungs tests came back fine.. but showed signs there was a problem with her heart.... the MRI showed "spots" on her brain right where she feels the pins and needls. Mini-strokes.... but it also showed a problem with her Thyroid gland. So more tests were ordered... lots of them. They stuck an ultra sound down her throat and imaged her heart. Turns out she has a Septic Anerism in her heart valves. That means that when her heart beats, the valve is bulging a bit and allowing a small amout of blood to travel backwards... causing blood clots.... maybe the cause of her mini-strokes... then they did an Ultra sound of her Thyroid.. and found an equal sized mass...

So.. more tests... at this point were are looking at possible open heart surgery to repair her heart... the spots on her brain need more tests.. it maybe related to her heart or it may be MS. and her Thyroid... it may be cancer... more tests are to follow

So, thats it in a rambling nutshell....

[torn asunder]

you guys are in my thoughts - stay strong, mark...

i'm around, if you want to talk, too...

[Lilith]

you are in my thoughts and prayers

[JaneDead]

i have no words :tear but i will be praying and thinking of you both and your kids.

[Wounds Within]

I am so sorry man.

I do know of another who was in a similar situation and after a month of thought she decided to have the open heart surgery. Since the surgery her problems are now very minimal and she has regular check ups so make sure things are going well.

I wish you and your wife the best.

[Onyx]

Wow, that's very scary, but at least they have some good information to work with now. I hope they can find the proper treatment and get her back to good health soon.

[saechalyn]

Oh my, that is horrible and scary. You're both in my thoughts.

[The_Dark]

Thanks peeps. I'm just not all that focused right now... She's known about the possilbe cancer for a few days and was waiting for the best time to tell me. We got some really good news on finacial matters Wed... last night seemed the time as I had little to worry about on my mind. It's all I have thought about since. Cancer. I could deal with all the other problems without them taking over my thought process completly... Cancer... thats another story...

The boys don't know very much yet. Most of my children are to young to really understand the details. The oldest knows alot and has been instructed that he is to always be paying attention to Mom when she's driving. If Mom passes out or has a major stroke/heart attack... take over driving... It's funny.. He cant drive at all from the drivers seat... but we spent a whole weekend teaching him to take over from the passanger seat and bring the car to a stop on the side of the road safely.

[Msterbeau]

Wow. A double hernia and a month of recovery after surgery don't seem so bad any more.

From what I've heard from my daughter's mom, the thyroid thing is not uncommon in women as they get into their mid-30's and up... which is the cause of weight gain.

You and your family have my best wishes Mark.

[Head Wreck]

indeed. thyroid problems are common in women.

but the other stuff.... ickyness

i hope the best for you and your good lady mark

[kellygrrrrrl]

I will be praying for you and your family

Just keep in good spirits. And tell her to keep in good spirits. If the spirit gets weak and loses hope, it can make the body sicker.

I think frame of mind is important in healing.

[Fierce Critter]

I share JaneDead's thoughts exactly. Just don't know what to say.

I am wishing, hoping & praying for all to be good & well.

[Saephyr]

From 1 complicated gimp I have to say that honey you are such a great man. I've had so many people bail on me that I't s just not worth discussing.

Get 2nd and even 3rd opinions from other doctors.

Make sure she knows she's in control of this, the tougher she is the better she'll feel.

Open heart surgery is wonderfully advanced. What hospital system are you guys using?

Is she in chronic pain? I know some awesome neuros that may help if you'd like to check them out.

I know all about the cancer thing sweetie. I'm livin it. She CAN stay strong with it and you and the kids will be her biggest anchor. Not all of us have a really wonderful support team like your wife. I'm sure she feels very, very lucky to have you.

Anything you need , if I can help you better had get in touch. I mean it.

If you don't mind...I'd like to do a ritual for her. I like to ask permission 1st.

[Shade Everdark]

That's terrible news.

My thoughts go with you and your wife, TD.

[Guest Megalicious]

Im so sorry Dark Know we are always here to listen to your rambling in a nutshell =) I know its hard, but dont worry. Everything turns out the way its suppose to in the end, you and your wife will be in my thoughts.

[holliwood66]

I'm very sorry to hear about this, and my thoughts go out to you and your family~ It's good that things were caught now instead of later. Heart surgery is very advanced now, and thyroid hormone can be replaced in case of surgery *having had thyroid cancer myself years ago* So vent/post/talk all you need to.

[The_Dark]

Thanks again my friends...

i think i am leaving work early for once... I havn't gotten anything done anyway.

[Steven]

I'm sorry brutha.

May the Lord grant you both peace and rest and healing under his hand....

Steve

[Saephyr]

If your boss gives ya any grief then just contact your fav Goths and we'll have a little uh...talk...yeah that's it... a talk

(Just a bit of levity)

[Brenda Starrr]

Wow, Mark.....

I'm so sorry that you and your wife are going through all of this. Your family is in my thoughts. :tear

[Lilith]

Cancer is one thing i was unfortunate to grow up seeing from pretty much birth, in people whom were and there spirit is still very close to me.

My Grandfather had it while i was young, i remember going to chemo therapy, reading him bed time stories after we got back so he could nap well, Carrying in the tray of meds after his nap and jumping on his bed while he woke up and he never once yelled. From what i was told since he had the cancer pretty much since i was born and he passed when i was 5 years old. He lived 5 years with an incredible amount of joy, he created found memories for his heritage to remember things that bring peace.

The next person would be my grandmother and i personally think that she had more cancer related moment then any one let on, Grandma was the rock, she did not have time for it, she had things to do people to take care of and she whooped cancers ass with out the fowl language. The first incident i do remember was when i could not sit in grandmas lap for a bit she had surgery of some sort....... i was young and could not comprehend. She kicked it that time and the time she had breast cancer and skin cancer etc........ she lived to see me graduate high school, she my first child born, she lived a very long life surviving cancer, beating it and not missing one single moment of all those moment that make a parent feel proud. A Very amazing woman.

The last, my mom, the one whom i remember the most about, and the most full complete experience i have. I think some where around when i was 12 my mom knew she had breast cancer but she put it off till i could fend a bit better for myself, the whole process did not take full swing until i was about 15, mom had a lump and it was not only in her breast but lymph nodes as well, they removed the lump with in the breast and the lymph nod she had chemo therapy and radiation, she was tired and week, i had allot of after surgery care to do, learn to drive while taking her to appointments, keep up the house, school, You named it i had to do it, mom ha to rest and get well, when she felt up to it she of course did take care of her responsibilities and if i even tried to make her stop she would get upset, do what she needed to and rest when her body said too. It was hard to for me to remember to let her do a bit for herself but those moments of independence saved bits of her dignity in the middle of a situation that seemingly took it all away. It sucked for me but i was 15 doing the job of an adult and looking back it made me one hell of a strong person which i am thankful for. It forced me to think. It hurt me, i did not want to loose my mom it was so awful and so great at the same time. My mom beat breast cancer never lost hair and went back to life with regular test to monitor. Many years past i was married had 3 kids and some how my mom and i lost our relationship and one day out of the blue i get a call from my uncle, you might want to go see your mom, she has lung cancer. OMG that’s what grandpa died from. I went to see my mom things went well relationship wise for some time i helped through appointments and things same routine chemo therapy and radiation, and now they added another pill, and mom is loosing her hair, she had patches, and looked so sad and silly but no in a funny way at all, it was hurtful to see her like that, I got my husband clippers and i shaved her head bald. It hurt to do so but i found that after ward mom seemed more up beat, she no longer had this Mop of muss to try to make look neat she had a nice smooth bald head, She went and got a wig, head wraps, she had fun with it, she had so many freaking mains stream colored wigs. Goofy ass hats for when she saw kids and nice upscale dress scarf’s for nice more adult oriented time out. Some how again we lost our relationship, I almost wonder if hurt her to see me hurt over her illness and she pushed me away. Then 21/2 -3 years latter i get some weird phone call from this hospital asking me question about my mom, she was rushed in and currently is unable to answer these question for her self, like that was going to get a clam response from me, is she dead, insane, in comma WTF and they would not answer my questions cause of the privacy law or some stupid shit. I made my way to the hospital to find my mom had Brain cancer and they caught it too late, she was in and out of delusions, she swore some one broke her leg but it was not, then she would be perfectly fine. Did things i remember seeing happen with my grandmother when she was on her way. It was so very hard, my mom said nasty things to me, then she would say nice things to me, she wanted me gone but needed me there. I kept calm for the most part, simple saying when she was mean, "Mom i know you don’t like me right now, but i love you and you need me and i am not going any where because i love you" i stayed calm knowing it was not her, it was something else almost as if she was possessed by a demon. Those moments when she would be her self and nice, i held every one of those dear to my heart and the words spoken will never leave me. Those moment looking in to her eyes when we both knew at any moment it could be the last and we just smiled and held hands sort of feeding off of the this will be okay being sent back and forth was amazing. Just knowing that we had both experience a long tough road together and we made it sot of made it okay for us to part. It was okay she was ready. I hurt like hell for me, still does and so many many things i miss, but it is still okay somehow.

I often wonder if i am hardened to this cancer "crap" it hurts but some how it is okay, The thought that keeps coming to mind is how blessed i feel to have had these people in my life, how fortunate i was to get a chance to realize how special they were and are to me, and even through all the hard work or pain there is in it for me, i would have not changed one of those moments. I also keep thinking how devastating it is when talked about but at least in my life experience cancer is not the end of life, it just another life hurtle to bring people closer together.

Keep a close group of loving supportive people to help with appointments kids and life as well as a few whom you can unload to, those who you can just break down with and be angry at but not with, those whom yell and scream and cry at and they will understand. It helps to be able to speak your angry thought to some one, it make those time with your wife more enjoyable and easier for you to focus on her and you and not the why's and the f-off's gods etc......

It is a roller coaster the scariest one you will ever ride on but at the end you will some how find it the best ride of your life.

Cancer is horrible i am not making light of the road you have ahead of you, I cried for your pain and my own when i first read this, hell it took me an hour and half to write this cause i could not stop with the tears but cancer is WEAK, you both can kick its ass.

Your wife’s health is my thoughts and prayers ~ You and your family as whole is in my thought and prayers I pray for meaningful moments filled with love and hope I pray for a swift speedy recovery for all of you.

*this is not meant to hijack the thread, please do not focus on what i wrote but sending good vibes to The Dark His, wife and family~ this is meant as one means of support ~something i know that helped me was being able to relate and here how others survived so i offer a story from my own experiences *

[ManicQueen]

I'm so sorry to hear of this. I hope everything goes well for your wife and you.

[soothsayer]

I hope your wife's health gets better a.s.a.p.

[Saephyr]

TD ~ See if you can get any resolve from this clinic I went to for my head. They are very serious and extreme about neuro problems and may be able to help her. They broke me out of migraine hell once ...I had it for a straight 18 months!! Others were there for a variety or situations.

M.H.N.I. Mighigan Head Pain and Neurological Institute in Ann Arbor. The inpatient clinic is out in CHELSEA hospital and it's really terrific. It's really very good.

http://www.mhni.com/

[The_Dark]

I'm feeling a bit more of myself today... the shock of the C word has worn off. Pluss, I did alot of crying this weekend when the wife wasn't around. Can't let her see that too much. Need to keep her spirits up.

She goes to the Cardiologist tommorrow to see whats going to be done about her heart... and next week for further testing on the thyroid so they can better plan a course of action....

thanks again for all the support... Being strong is hard. I'm already tired.