Common Cold Feet?

[EvilEve]

it's about 4 months away, and things still arent' where they should be.

nothing is making any sense at this point in time, and it feels like something strong really doesn't want Prophet or myself to get married any time soon. this always happens around spring time. always.

something "unnatural" is out to get him, this i've come to grips with. it's the only explanation as to why he's been in so many accidents, and survived all of them. but now, it really bothers me because whatever it is, doesn't want Prophet to be happy. and by marrying someone that he loves, that will make him happy.

i don't know. maybe i'm the one that's being paranoid. or maybe we both are. not like i can talk to him right now seeing as he's at Lurch's house, and i'm over here. nothing that can be dicussed over the phone either. maybe i'm just being a . *sighs heavily*

he wants to wait. i'm indifferent about it.

nothing is making sense to me anymore. waiting is the logical answer, this i understand, but i don't want to wait.

and that's the thing that bothers me. by me not wanting to wait, does that make me just as crazed as all the other people he's been with over the years? the very thought of me thinking i'm like everyone else he's been with makes my skin crawl.

i won't see him until Sun., maybe not even then, depending on the circumstances.

with him out, i should at least be trying to enjoy myself, but i'm not. he's out doing things that i wish i could be a part of, but i can't because 1. i can't get into it like he does, and 2. i don't want to ruin his fun.

that sounds idiotic, i understand, but from my stand-point, it isn't.

i am one fucked up emotional being that overthinks things that i know, and feel are not to be true. but there's no outlet for me.

maybe he's feeling these same things, maybe not. i don't know.

there's no one to vent to, no one to confide in, nothing at this point in time that will lift this heavy weight off of me to at least let me relax for a shread of a second.

:blink what the hell is wrong with me? is it cold feet? maybe, maybe not. anxiety? most likely.

my head is full of all these thoughts, but the one person that this needs to be discussed with is gone for 3 days. nice, huh?

:tear this is what i feel like on the inside; i want to cry, scream, kick, punch, run, something/andything to get rid of this. yet i remain calm on the outside. nothing worse than lying to yourself.

mabye i am insane.

i don't know.

all i know is that i love this person so much, that not being able to talk to him is killing me inside.

maybe i am crazy like the rest of them, and maybe now he's just realizing it. .... definetly the paranoia setteling in.

=( why now?

i'm hoping it is cold feet... speaking of which, my feet ARE cold... i should put socks on.

[kellygrrrrrl]

WHOA!!!!!!! :blink

Take a deep breath.......exhale.....

now, slow down honey!

Yeah...I think Cold feet is thr right word....

You need to keep yourself occupied until he gets back. You just need to relax!

There is no force out to get him! It is coincidence.

Every June something bad happens to me. I think It's just cause I get lead foot in the spring time

Maybe it is not a Unnatural force. Maybe it is something teling him that life is short. Appreciate it cause in a blink of a second, his life could be gone....perhaps rather than thinking something bad is trying to get him, maybe something is telling him to appreciate things more? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Now....wait? Wait to get married? Why? Is it $$? organization...etc...

Is he getting nervous too? What are his reasons for waiting? How long have you been planning on this?

Also, just let him be. He will come home to you! =)

[EvilEve]

the waiting part he wants to do because of the $$, but it isn't any of our money that's being spent...

we've had this date set since he proposed to me back in Dec., and that's when we started getting everything ready for Sept. he just sprung this up on me (the part about the waiting) Wed., and i've had all last night, and all day today to think of the things that i needed to say.

there's lots of things that he and i need to talk about.

i'm just preparing myself for the worst so i won't be dissapointed. half the dresses are already made, the hall and cakes are paid for,... everything is almost in place except who's going to marry us.

we had an original idea of having two seperate ceremonies; one in front of our families, and one just for us, just to make everyone happy.

i'm over-thinking things, i know this.

stress, cold feet, anxiety... not the best combanations in the world. hehe.

[Miranda]

Eve,

Many times in life, there is so much negativity it does seem like there is some outside source that is out to get us. When really terrible events occur, you stand up and take notice of it, and your mind begins to link it with other aspect's of your existence making a definite pattern. Many people say there is no such thing as luck or coincidence, that is up to you to decide. You need to make the moves in your life that will make you feel content, being with your fiance` is one of those things. You also said you have anxiety, I assume you mean panic attacks or something similar. That will make anyone feel that they are going insane. I have experienced them after I miscarried and I have never been the same since. I had fear after that happened, an irrational one. Now, I am childless and almost 40 because I was too scared to move ahead. I can't get that time back. You need to speak with your loved one and talk things out. You can have positive thoughts just as you do the negative, you just have to work on reconditioning yourself. I won't say it's easy but it can be done. If something bad is going to happen there is nothing that you can do to stop that. Life is for the living to enjoy and I hope you do let yourself feel good about this wonderful event that is going to take place between two people that love one another. Your wedding day should be one of the most beautiful days of your life.