hey, it's Rivers... for those who remember me.

[Rivers the Cleric]

for those who remember/saw my post in feb, my mother had a pretty major stroke.

she got home about 2 weeks ago. she's doing a little better. still can't walk, or talk that much, but we had to bring her home because bluecross decided that she was too young to stay in a nursing home, so they stoped paying for everything... and i mean everything. the home, rehab, and medication... not that i'm sure what the last two have to do with the nursing home. we owe them like $16,000 right now.

i've gotta admit, it's nice having her home, but she needs 24 hour care, and it's starting to wear me down. my father watches her from 6AM to 8AM when he goes to work, my brother watches her from 8AM to 10PM, when he goed to bed (though my dad gets home around 4PM, and they both handle her throughout the night) and then from 10PM till 6AM i watch her. they basically gave me that shift because A. i'm normally awake then anyway. and B. as they said "if worse come to worse, you're the only one who can lift her by yourself."

i'll admit, it's not the hardest hours... as a matter of fact, it's pretty damn easy... it's just that i haven't gotten to SEE anyone for the past 2 weeks, let alone go anywhere... well, that's not completely true, i can escape the house for D&D once a week, for about 3 hours.

still, it's a bit tiring, and i know i shouldn't be selfish right now, but it's a bit hard. besically all i do is wait till she has to pee at 2AM, then don't do anything the rest of the night. but i have to be there.

i'm thinking of becoming an alcoholic, but i could never do that, because i have to be an adult about this.

on the strange side, a lot of random girls i've know for years but never really talked to seem to be hitting on me, more than one of my Exes has called me, wanting to get back together, and i'm not really sure now is the right time for any of that shit. still, i guess some girls really are just looking for a guy that can take care of them.

you would be startled how many of your friends disappear once you have to be an adult about something, but that's fine by me, because i don't really need them in my life.

i dunno, that was all basically just a brain fart. but i haven't talked to anyone about this in a long while, so it's all sort of just coming out.

[Onyx]

That's a really hard thing to deal with. Be sure to try to take care of your own health as much as you can. Being a caregiver can wear you down prettty fast. I hope things get better for you soon.

[Miranda]

That's a difficult transition you are going through there. I wish you luck and emotional strength. I am happy your Mom is home with you. I am not sure why some "friends" just can't be there for you when you really need them. My parents are in their late 50's now and I start to think about the what if's and things but when tragedy strikes we usually travel the road alone for the most part. We carry the pain within us, solely.

[ManicQueen]

I think the best thing for her is be at home and she is very lucky to have kids and a husband like you all. Nursing homes are fine for a week or two but those places are horrible.. I deal with them everyday.

Hopefully, at some point, your family will be able to get a home nurse to help out some times.

Anyway, I applaud you for all you are doing.. I know it's hard =)

[Rivers the Cleric]

at the moment we have a physical therapist, speech therapist, and nurse coming in 5 days a week. we have to pay for them out of our own pockets, because of bluecross, but it's worth it. she's doing so much better now that she's home. when she was at the home, she couldn't get out of bed without at least 3 nurses helping. here, it normally takes one of us to help steady her, and she can do the rest on her own.

i'll never say that i'm not happy to have her home, because i am. i'm just sure it's going to be a while before things are back to normal. though that is one of the blessings we've had through all this. all of the doctors, therapists, and nurses say that to spite how bad the stroke was, she'll be back to 100%... well, the good doctors. the one hospital we had her in isn't know for the best medical treatment, but we managed to get her out of there on a technicallity, and in to Johns Hopkins... i love that one of the best hospitals in the US is about 2 miles from my houes. some of the doctors have even said that she could be able to go back to work full time within 2 years, if she wanted. my mother is one of those people lucky enough to have a job she loves, and that made her really happy to hear.

we have had an aweful lot of support from friends, i have to admit. money is insanly tight right now, and people have been doing all they can to help. there's just that portion that seems to have run away screaming that gets to me.

though i have to admit, any of my friends who have actually met my mother have been doing anything they can. my mother has always been one of those people who welcomed everyone, no matter who they are, what they are, who they choose to love, or whatever they may worship. it's like she collects people, or has somewhere around 3,000 children. hell, my babysitter till i was about 12 helped found the first gay/lesbian newspaper in our state.

she has a lot of strange and wonderful people who are all out there praying for her as hard as they can. and while i'm not really all that religous, it still means a lot to us, myself included.

i think i'm done babbling for now...

[DarkChylde]

Whut I've been through lately, I can understand of how you feel....Its all I can say right now........