The Really, Really Scary, Annoying Guy Who Won't Go Away

[Fierce Critter]

We live in Wyandotte, about 3 blocks from the river. Nice town. Nice boardwalk & pier for fishing.

And Jon meets a guy named Chuck who turns out to be a really truly nice, great guy.

Then Jon meets Tom. Whom this post is about.

Tom seems alright.

Then Tom gets annoying.

Then Tom gets to be a major pain in the ass.

Then Tom gets scary.

Now, this isn't Tom's direct fault. But Jon had been a non-smoker for 8 years after quitting cold turkey when we met. And Jon didn't do much drinking at home, save for the occasional Woodchuck cider.

But Tom smokes. And Tom drinks. And after a few offers of smokes and drinks, Jon bowed to peer pressure and started drinking. And smoking. Amongst other things. Which is annoying in of itself.

Then Jon starts doing some side-work with Tom who has his own home improvement business. And Tom starts making excuses as to why he can't pay Jon. But luckily Jon nips this in the bud before things go too far and quits working with Tom.

And this whole time, Tom calls. Constantly. On Jon's cellphone until Toms frequent daily calls become so numerous while Jon is on the job that he finally ends up having to just never pick up his phone until Tom gets the hint and stops calling every hour.

And also this whole time, Tom had given Jon's phone number - without Jon's permission - to his skanky daughter Andrea. And Andrea starts calling. Every day. Frequently. NOT cool to call a married man's cellphone. Especially not a man married to an admittedly jealous woman.

So Jon stops taking her calls, too.

And also this whole time, Tom does shit that creeps the bejeezuss out of Camille. In particular, parking in front of the house at any time - day or night - calling Jon, and saying, "I'm outside". Or if Jon's not home, just sitting out there while I sit in front of the computer which is in front of the window, through which I can see Tom's scary fucking truck in the dark and the glow if his fucking cigarette.

So Jon tells Tom no more parking in front of the house.

Then Jon notices Chuck doesn't hang out so much anymore. And Jon talks to Chuck who admits that Tom is bugging the fuck out of him, and had to pretty much cut contact so he could get on with his life.

And after a while, Camille gets real the fuck sick of Tom. But Camille doesn't want to be the sort of wife who goes from jealous to overpossessive, and doesn't want to tell Jon who to and not to be friends with. So I deal.

Then one night fishing in a less fished-at spot where he's alone without Tom or Chuck, Jon meets Ben. And coincidence has it that Ben used to be Tom's best friend. And Ben tells Jon about things that happened that made Ben decide he needed to not be Tom's friend anymore. Which includes the sort of things I've just described, and worse. Mostly along the lines of "the friend who wouldn't go away".

And then Jon decides it's time for himself to cut ties with Tom like Chuck and Ben did. But Tom's fucking persistent. Calling frequently. Andrea text messages Jon one night to say she's been in an accident and is in the hospital down the street. And Jon's at his sleep study so Camille gets the text message and returns it, saying, "who is this, Jon's out" and doesn't get a response, and then Camille thinks about it and calls the phone number associated with the text message and that's when she learns that was skanky Andrea, who won't talk to "the wife'.

And the calls still come. And Jon never returns them. Never stops by. Stops fishing where Tom fishes. And the calls still come.

I think it's been at least a month since Jon talked to Tom. And then, just now, Camille goes to ask Jon for something and when she steps outside the house to talk to Jon who is sanding a boat out on the lawn, she sees Tom sitting on the steps, smoking.

And I just calmly ask Jon for the things I need and I don't say a fucking word to Tom.

This is fucking pissing me off. I have never wished death on anyone. But this isn't the first time this scary, borderline personality motherfucker has shown up outside the house. Our neighbor has said he's seen Tom hanging outside in his truck when we aren't home. And Tom's crackhead girlfriend lives a couple streets away from us so he's ALWAYS IN OUR FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD.

I don't say things like "I need to hire a hitman" in text because that sort of shit can come back to haunt a person.

But the guy did just have a fucking heart valve replaced. And there's always hope of rejection, right?

Or a restraining fucking order. For which we technically don't have good enough grounds. I mean, he hasn't busted in and tried to rape me yet. Or kill my dog with poisoned meat.

Go away. Please. Just. Go. A. Way.

[Msterbeau]

He's on your property against your wishes... and that's not good enough? Fucking stupid cops/laws. Have you point blank told him he's not welcome anymore?

[Steven]

He's on your property against your wishes... and that's not good enough? Fucking stupid cops/laws. Have you point blank told him he's not welcome anymore?

akward, but Marc is right - Jon needs to confront this situation head on and with a great degree of intensity in order to get his point across.

after you have point blank told this person you do not want him showing up, parking in front of your house, or calling or having his girl call - then you have grounds for harrassment and legal follow thru.

he sounds like a psycho. you need to look at it as real and not an annoyance.

[Fierce Critter]

Sigh.

I wish it were up to me.

I love my beloved Jon. But God bless his heart, he does not do confrontation.

He was really hoping to cut ties when Tom had his operation. Just sorta like not visit him, not call him, be a really cold, callous asshole and figure Tom would get the hint.

But the day after surgery, and I am NOT making this up, guess who called? You guessed it. (Hear this in a gruff baritone, with a slight redneck twang) "Hey - guess who this is? It's TOM. I'm in the HOSPITAL."

No fake Jake.

Sigh.

[Draco1958]

A friend went thru something like this after dating a guy. She got a personal protection order against him for stalking. Just like what Tom is doing. The guy fought it and lost. The guy got so bad he actually followed me after visiting her then gave her grief over it. If you are feeling threatened and he has no legitimite reason for bewing in front of your house, you can get a PPO. They run about $35. However, Jon has to tell him to stay away and not give in to any visits period. Once he is informed that both of you want him to stay away and he doesn't, add onto that the calls, you can get a PPO.

[Fierce Critter]

Very good advice for me to keep for future reference, Draco. Thanks much.

I really hope that Tom simply gets the hint this time. Ben told Jon that eventually, Tom just gave up. And we know he stopped bothering with Chuck once he latched onto Jon.

I hate to wish this on some unsuspecting person out there. But I hope Tom finds someone new to latch onto, and just leaves Jon alone.

The key here really is Jon. But unless it's a 6'4" brute beating on a woman, or some weirdo sitting on Candy's lap (long story), he just doesn't handle getting in someone's face and telling them "KNOCK IT OFF" well.

I need to not "be the man" here. Much as I'd like to. I mean, the guy IS an obvious wacko. More than likely a borderline personality - needs someone else to have an identity of his own, by taking on aspects of the other person's personality. And the worst of my fears is that he's so interested in Jon and even getting Jon together with Skanky Andrea, that he'd do what he could to get me out of the picture. This is a quiet fear of mine.

Jon and I had a more major blowout a couple months back. Let's just say the crap resulting from Jon's association with Tom got to be too much for me, and my depression and the state of our living conditions got to be too much for Jon. I ended up spending my first ever "angry night apart" from Jon at my parents, while Jon spent the evening at Tom's place.

The next day, as is our usual, we made up and found new understanding of each other and ended up as good as new. Better, even. But Jon got several phone calls from Tom and Andrea, both sounding EXCEEDINGLY disappointed that Jon patched things up with "the wife".

Thank goodness we have made Oakley out to be a guard/attack dog, emphasizing this to Tom especially. To be honest, there's no telling what he would do if someone came in uninvited. His reaction to odd sounds is enough to reassure us that if the day came when we - I - needed his protection, it'd be there, no holds barred. So hopefully that's enough to keep Tom from ever trying anything.

But I'm exceptionally paranoid. And I'm afraid to come home one day and find Oakley dead with poisoned meat crumbs around his muzzle, and a psycho waiting for me on the other side of his dead body.

Take the hint, Tom. Please. Just go away.

[jadnifer]

I would seriously think about a PPO or a restraining order against both of them ASAP!!

For you own protection and the people and pets that you care about.

[Scary Guy]

I'm scary, and annoying, and a guy... however at least my name isn't Tom

[Brenda Starrr]

Jeez, Camille!

I'd get the PPO if I could.

[Homicidalheathen]

Nice guys finish last because.......

They get sqrewed over and beat up or some wierd shit.

He needs to tell him personally to go f*ck off now or else the law will be involved

Start recording calls.....for proof.

Take pictues of him sitting out front, the date should be on the pic, if not set your camera thus.

[Onyx]

Nice guys finish last because.......

They get sqrewed over and beat up or some wierd shit.

He needs to tell him personally to go f*ck off now or else the law will be involved

Start recording calls.....for proof.

Take pictues of him sitting out front, the date should be on the pic, if not set your camera thus.

So true!

You and Jon are going to have to get together on this one and get this guy gone for good. It scares me just reading about him. yikes!

[slingerlandstyx]

Woah. I used to be afraid of becoming like that. It mostly stems from not having any confidence in onesself. (in my case anway)

[Gothmama25]

Wow I live in Wyandotte too. About 5 blocks from the river. I hope I don't ever meet that guy.

[Fierce Critter]

Wow I live in Wyandotte too. About 5 blocks from the river. I hope I don't ever meet that guy.

Stay away from a somewhat grizzled guy in his late 40's, bald head, short - maybe 5"6, drives a beat-up black Ford F-150 with a handicapped rear view mirror hang-on.

Oh, and his skanky daughter looks the same.

Just kidding.

[Homicidalheathen]

My friend said he would come scare him away for you.......heh.

[Msterbeau]

I just had a great idea. Hide a couple speakers somewhere around the front of the house. Then play the "kill kill kill" thing from Friday the 13th just loud enough for him to hear...

Have it playing all the time.. *giggle*

[Steven]

tough sitch.

this is the sort of challenge that can creep into the marital relationship as well.

Yes your right, you need not be "the man". However - Jon needs to face some awkwardness here. For the good of the whole, and for the needs of his wife quite simply. Sometimes as a husband you need to do things just because. And it seems to me that with your other struggles - this stalker weirdo sitch can really exsacerbate what your allready dealing with. Some things, you DO have a degree of control over....for example your responses to this persons forays into your private world.....

Jon does not have to have a "confrontation" in the traditional sense. It can be a quiet and calm thing. A phone call even. He does nto need to go into extreme details beyond "I'm uncomfortable with this relationship, I feel that in the end it is unhealthy for my family, I harbor no anger against you but I need you to respect my wishes and refrain from contacting us" sort of thing.

in the end you'll both feel better. oh - and get that PPO, that's just the smart thing to do.

if your not safe at home, physically, emotionally, spiritually...... you are forever vulnerable and that's never healthy.

[Fierce Critter]

The calls started again. One the other day from Tom wanting to go fishing.

And Skanky Andrea tried to bleepy-bleep Jon today.

Sigh.

[LuluVox]

The calls started again. One the other day from Tom wanting to go fishing.

And Skanky Andrea tried to bleepy-bleep Jon today.

Sigh.

She tried to what now? :confused

[Fierce Critter]

They're both on Nextel.

We call the walkie-talkie thing "Bleepy-bleep" ing.

LOL. I forget not everybody know what buttering, bleepy-bleeping, special kisses, "Ta-Daa!" and all our other "Camille & Jon-isms" mean.

[LuluVox]

Haha, ok, that makes sense. I thought you were, like, censoring your typing with bleeps, so I'm like, "what could 'bleepy beep' possibly stand for?" Thanks for quelling my confusion.

[slingerlandstyx]

Haha, ok, that makes sense. I thought you were, like, censoring your typing with bleeps, so I'm like, "what could 'bleepy beep' possibly stand for?" Thanks for quelling my confusion.

And mine.

[Steven]

a respectful message tp Jon:

as you grow older and grow into your relationship more, you will be challenged to grow beyond your personal comfort levels. This is a good thing. i know you dont do confrontation, I respect that. But your'e in a relationship that can stand the long test of time - i get that too. I hope that the needs of that relationship cause you to push yourself. Camille is a good lady. I like her. Take care of her Jon. Never (ever) let anything exist that can cause pain or discomfort or fear to the one you hold dearest above all others.

I had to learn this myself by the way. ANd once I did everything changed.

Steven

[Fierce Critter]

Jon met yet another "ex friend" of Tom's on the pier the other day.

Same story.

I also hear tell that Tom's really hairy. Like, a pelt.

I wonder if his daughter takes after him.

Raowr.

[DarkChylde]

Oh man, I personaly would just tell them to fuck off and get it over with! Sounds pretty similiar whut I had to deal with before in the past...