Are You Always Honest?

[Homicidalheathen]

Ok, so a friend makes you watch a video or listen to a song by a band you have never heard of. Now keep in mind, it may not be your taste generally. Like rap. Some is just plain bad. Some punk songs are barely songs.....you may not like punk, or rap......but you know good song structure and a bit of talent when you hear it. Right? I hope so. Your on DGN.

Anyway, so said music clueless friend pops it in and starts raving about how great it is and has the NERVE to get her feelings hurt when you say.....'you know what? That was bloody awful.'

Or do you just shrug your shoulders and say....'its not for me'.

I am totally honest....don't ask for my opinion if you can't handle it.

Are you honest in this situation? I mean, I am not rude enough to start pointing out how they suck or why.....usually.....

[maeve]

I tell the truth, but I try to do it with tact. I don't think honesty has to be an excuse for mean or disrepectful behavior. You can always let someone know your taste differs without being rude about it as long as you remember to think about how that person may feel about your response. I wouldn't necessarily just say, "it's not for me" Instead I might say something like "I don't really care for the lyrics" or, "I don't really like the tempo/beat of the music" You get what I mean, right? I wouldn't come out and say, "I think that music is down right shitty" or, "Where did you find that piece of crap song?" You can be honest and nice about.

[Homicidalheathen]

Very well put. But sometimes people think I am being pompous when I point out what is exactly wrong with a song.....but then again...I think they are clueless....

I tell the truth, but I try to do it with tact. I don't think honesty has to be an excuse for mean or disrepectful behavior. You can always let someone know your taste differs without being rude about it as long as you remember to think about how that person may feel about your response. I wouldn't necessarily just say, "it's not for me" Instead I might say something like "I don't really care for the lyrics" or, "I don't really like the tempo/beat of the music" You get what I mean, right? I wouldn't come out and say, "I think that music is down right shitty" or, "Where did you find that piece of crap song?" You can be honest and nice about.

[Onyx]

To me it's just rude to say to their face "it's bloody awful". I'd just say it's not to my taste. That still gets the point across. Why be rude?

Often it's not what you say but how you phrase it that hurts someone.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

Oh, I state my opinion and I state it the way I feel. It may be rude and sometimes cruel. But some people need that brutal honesty or else their optimism may blind them. Some people you have to get straight to the point or it goes right over there head. You know what I'm saying?

Also how I state my opinion also animates how I feel.

For example:

"What the hell is THIS crap??" is my way of saying "This is horrible"

A shoulder shrug with a 'Meh." = 'Not my type of music'

"It's allright." = "If I hear a song that I like I can get into it."

"This is frggin' AWESOME!!" = "I like these guys!"

Another reason I am brutally honest (and I emphasize the word 'brutally') is because there's not alot of people out there that state their honest opinions for fear of hurting someone's feelings. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are times when you SHOULD lie and not share your true opinion. But those situations are so rare (or I'm just too tired to think) I can't even name a situation. But most of the time, if you don't share your true opinion (even when it doesn't involve music) the person asking for your opinion could get hurt or embarrassed. So when you think of the outcome of your dishonest opinion, it's more than likely best to state your true opinion, even if it hurts your freind. 95% of the time the pain your true opinion will cause is nothing in compared to the pain and/or embarrassment your freind will suffer because of your lie...

[DJ Nocker]

I usually just wont listen to the music if i know I wont like it (if its rap or country) If a freind of mine has a band they want me to hear, or a song, I ask the genre first and then go from there. The reason I do that is becuase the music I listen is generally not liked by people so I dont like saying something sucks wen I know what I listen to isnt considered "good", I try and stop it before it starts. I wont listen to rap or country period, you cant convince me its good. Im a metal/hardcore kinda person.

[Homicidalheathen]

But it is also rude to make your friends listen to a whole song you know they wont like then have the nerve to ask an opinion? I will tell you point blank, it sucks......and some people well, really are clueless....there is some REALLY bad rap out there. And I already hate rap...so.....

And some stuff is just SO Bad......uh. I wonder how anyone can like it.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

I usually just wont listen to the music if i know I wont like it (if its rap or country) If a freind of mine has a band they want me to hear, or a song, I ask the genre first and then go from there. The reason I do that is becuase the music I listen is generally not liked by people so I dont like saying something sucks wen I know what I listen to isnt considered "good", I try and stop it before it starts. I wont listen to rap or country period, you cant convince me its good. Im a metal/hardcore kinda person.

That reminds me. A freind of mine, Eric, has started working with 'Jabberjaw' and goes by 'E-Rock', has started his career in rap. Now Eric knows I HATE rap. But he knows he has my support.

Knowing this, he gave me his 1st cd for free and asked me to tell him what I think. He did this cause he knows I'll give him my brutally honest opinion, that and he knows I hate rap. So if I like it, it's gotta be good.

So, even though I hate rap, I listened to it. The entire cd. Because A: he asked my opinion and B: I want to support him.

Now being as it's rap, I would've normally just tossed it aside, but I didn't because he's a good freind of mine. And, I was shocked, but I liked most of the CD. And I told him that. I told him the parts that made me laugh, I told him about the parts that were annoying, and I told him the songs I had to skip over.

Now if a freind has started to make music and even if it's a genre of music I dislike, I will still give my freinds work a chance. For example, I didn't start listening to Eric's cd thinking "Well, it's rap naturally it's going to be crap.". No, if it's a freinds work, I will listen to it with an open mind and open ears, the fact that I'm listening to a genre of music I dislike, is my way of supporting my freind.If I think it sucks after that, well, I think it sucks. But if I like it, I will show it to my freinds and advertise it as much as I feel neccessary. (I don't advertise bands very often, there are 2 times I advertise bands 1:If they're a good freind of mine and I generally enjoyed their work or 2: I have to enjoy the music immensly for example 'Guttermouth' they sing about 'Peeing in the shower', genious!!)

Does that make sense to anyone?

*Edited because I thought of a better way of wording what I wanted to say

[Homicidalheathen]

This shit would HAVE to be a joke, because it sucks that bad.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea...endid=157139541

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

I'd just be honest - but ur friend will get over it - it's constructive criticism - they'll appreciate it in the long run

[BrassFusion]

how is it "constructive" if it's criticism of something they're just listening to as opposed to something they wrote?

as someone who has a broad taste in music and actually knows what makes the really bad stuff bad, i never hesitate to say, "hey, this is shit, did they write it after a 3-week bender? cuz there's no fucking part independence, it's the same melody overlaid in the vocals, bass, and descant harmony (i'm looking at YOU, joy division!!!)"

but if a friend of mine writes it, i try to be nice at first. usually start with something supportive and positive. "well, it's got a great beat..."

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

but if a friend of mine writes it, i try to be nice at first. usually start with something supportive and positive. "well, it's got a great beat..."

Isn't that what you said to me when I started? :confused

[BrassFusion]

roflmaobbq

probably. thing is, if i didn't like your music and think it had merit, i'd've told it to you straight by now

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

"roflmaobbq"=Rolling on floor laughing my ass on barbeque?

"probably. thing is, if i didn't like your music and think it had merit, i'd've told it to you straight by now"

And?

[JaneDead]

Anyway, so said music clueless friend pops it in and starts raving about how great it is and has the NERVE to get her feelings hurt when you say.....'you know what? That was bloody awful.'

Or do you just shrug your shoulders and say....'its not for me'.

I am totally honest....don't ask for my opinion if you can't handle it.

Are you honest in this situation? I mean, I am not rude enough to start pointing out how they suck or why.....usually.....

i don't even know why she would be upset. it is not like it is HER music that SHE made that you are insulting. it is just something she likes that you don't.

i am always very honest about music. even to people who make it themselves. i have told my husband MANY times when i don't like the music he has made. but he is also a brutally honest person himself so maybe he can just take it.

if i don't like something i say so.

if it is something i can tell IS good just not my taste i will say so.

but if it is something bad, really bad i will say that too.

now i am reminded of this time my friend's friend brought over a tape of his band and made us watch it. it was AWFUL. i mean... awful. noise really. he said something to the effect of - you can't listen to this and like it unless you are on acid. boy, he was not kidding. but i didn't say a word to him about it. i just sat there, shocked and annoyed that i had to witness such a thing. had i actually known the guy i think i would have told him the truth about it. quite possibly THE worst thing i ever heard.

[BrassFusion]

y'know... threnody for the victims of hiroshima by penderecki is practically just noise. but i do like it and think it's "good."

i only tend to think music is "bad" if it had too little effort invested in it, or it breaks the rules of the voice leading style it's meant to be in. so, laziness + dumbness makes bad for me. i'm curious about your friend's tape, lol

[Homicidalheathen]

...this guy I know keeps sending me every metal band he comes across. I told him point blank I am tired of metal.....unless its really old or really outstanding.....but he keeps doing it. That is rude. And not all of them are good. I am not going to support a local band just because its local. There is allot of crap out there.

Then I send a link to some very good techno I like and......no response.

Well whatever.

I ignore his links now.

[pomba gira]

I agree w/Maeve, that there is always a tactful way to be honest, and that you can offer constructive criticism without being rude or gratuitously hurtful. I also agree that you don't have to be crazy about a particular genre to tell whether the music is well done or not... there are certain points that define musical quality whatever the genre.

AFA this particular scenario, I think it would also depend on exactly why I was being asked to listen to the music. Is it the friend's own music that they created or had a hand in creating? Is it by a friend/relative of theirs? Someone they're thinking of backing financially or working with in some capacity? Do they just want a casual opinion, a serious opinion, or a genuine critique? I might word my opinion a slightly different way for each situation. But the whole "brutal honesty" thing just isn't me.

[Homicidalheathen]

Bad music + acid or E = ahhhhh help me! I think I am dying or loosing my mind!

[Scary Guy]

Yeah, I'ma always honest, brutally so too. I think I might even offend a few people in the DJ booth when I tell them what they want sucks and I don't have it, and even if I did I wouldn't play it which I don't because it sucks. OK sometimes I spare their feelings, like if they're drunk and bigger than I am as I don't really feel like getting the crap kicked out of me. Unless they're REALLY drunk then I can take them out quite easily, or tell them "hey I already played that" and have them believe me (ok I'm kidding on that last part, I wouldn't lie about what is on my playlist).

Good example is that "Who's your Daddy" song by Benni Banazzi (sp?) then they brought me the CD which was scratched to shit. Fine if those "goths" want to hear that shit I'll play it. But rest assured I'll be bitching the rest of the night about it (and two days later apparently). My philosophy is if they would play it on 95.5 or the old 93.1 that I don't want to play it in my club (unless that is the format in which case I better be getting paid a lot to deal with that migraine).

Or if I'm riding in a friends car I'll bitch too. Like when Jay plays that mix of "safety dance" which I like and "some other rap like top 40 song" which I hate. Or yesterday riding with my friend Aaron and 5 other people on the way back from The Machine Shop in Flint when he played "peanut butter jelly time" and I say "Hey is that a cop?" because cops make him nervous as all hell, then I couldn't stop laughing for like a minute at the fact that I'm a dick. Or WAY back when riding in my friend Jean's car with a mutual friend (like 10 years ago) and she was listening to some crap I wanted her to stop the car so I could walk home (clawson to madison heights). I was pretty adamant about it too so she let me change the station and I was happy.*

Good music (to me at least) = well constructed, good harmony, well thought out lyrics (not just spoken like rap either (possibly funny too)), isn't too repetitive, and is preferably a bit underground. There are exceptions to these rules that somehow still make me not want to vomit upon hearing them even though I know I should. A good example is experimental noise, because at least they're trying to sound like that.

I'm going to shut up now because I could bitch all night.

[Homicidalheathen]

Well I guess thats my point. People always asking for your opinion....and if your a DJ god knows you must get a ton of crap shoved in your face. I would be brutally honest too....but you have good taste..so your safe.

This lady I know makes me listen to her lousey, sleezy rap songs....while she sings to them OFFKEY and shakes her uh unmentionables in my face so ya........I get rude. Before I get sick.

Yeah, I'ma always honest, brutally so too. I think I might even offend a few people in the DJ booth when I tell them what they want sucks and I don't have it, and even if I did I wouldn't play it which I don't because it sucks. OK sometimes I spare their feelings, like if they're drunk and bigger than I am as I don't really feel like getting the crap kicked out of me. Unless they're REALLY drunk then I can take them out quite easily, or tell them "hey I already played that" and have them believe me (ok I'm kidding on that last part, I wouldn't lie about what is on my playlist).

Good example is that "Who's your Daddy" song by Benni Banazzi (sp?) then they brought me the CD which was scratched to shit. Fine if those "goths" want to hear that shit I'll play it. But rest assured I'll be bitching the rest of the night about it (and two days later apparently). My philosophy is if they would play it on 95.5 or the old 93.1 that I don't want to play it in my club (unless that is the format in which case I better be getting paid a lot to deal with that migraine).

Or if I'm riding in a friends car I'll bitch too. Like when Jay plays that mix of "safety dance" which I like and "some other rap like top 40 song" which I hate. Or yesterday riding with my friend Aaron and 5 other people on the way back from The Machine Shop in Flint when he played "peanut butter jelly time" and I say "Hey is that a cop?" because cops make him nervous as all hell, then I couldn't stop laughing for like a minute at the fact that I'm a dick. Or WAY back when riding in my friend Jean's car with a mutual friend (like 10 years ago) and she was listening to some crap I wanted her to stop the car so I could walk home (clawson to madison heights). I was pretty adamant about it too so she let me change the station and I was happy.*

Good music (to me at least) = well constructed, good harmony, well thought out lyrics (not just spoken like rap either (possibly funny too)), isn't too repetitive, and is preferably a bit underground. There are exceptions to these rules that somehow still make me not want to vomit upon hearing them even though I know I should. A good example is experimental noise, because at least they're trying to sound like that.

I'm going to shut up now because I could bitch all night.

[TearSandrille]

I would state what I believe but follow it with the fact that it is my opinion. Certain people like certain things. I realize that just because I dont like it or think it lacks talent does not mean that everyone will feel that way. Especially if someone is raving about how much they love the music.

[BrassFusion]

and is preferably a bit underground

*sigh*

[DJ Nocker]

That reminds me. A freind of mine, Eric, has started working with 'Jabberjaw' and goes by 'E-Rock', has started his career in rap. Now Eric knows I HATE rap. But he knows he has my support.

Knowing this, he gave me his 1st cd for free and asked me to tell him what I think. He did this cause he knows I'll give him my brutally honest opinion, that and he knows I hate rap. So if I like it, it's gotta be good.

So, even though I hate rap, I listened to it. The entire cd. Because A: he asked my opinion and B: I want to support him.

Now being as it's rap, I would've normally just tossed it aside, but I didn't because he's a good freind of mine. And, I was shocked, but I liked most of the CD. And I told him that. I told him the parts that made me laugh, I told him about the parts that were annoying, and I told him the songs I had to skip over.

Now if a freind has started to make music and even if it's a genre of music I dislike, I will still give my freinds work a chance. For example, I didn't start listening to Eric's cd thinking "Well, it's rap naturally it's going to be crap.". No, if it's a freinds work, I will listen to it with an open mind and open ears, the fact that I'm listening to a genre of music I dislike, is my way of supporting my freind.If I think it sucks after that, well, I think it sucks. But if I like it, I will show it to my freinds and advertise it as much as I feel neccessary. (I don't advertise bands very often, there are 2 times I advertise bands 1:If they're a good freind of mine and I generally enjoyed their work or 2: I have to enjoy the music immensly for example 'Guttermouth' they sing about 'Peeing in the shower', genious!!)

Does that make sense to anyone?

*Edited because I thought of a better way of wording what I wanted to say

See, I am so stubborn in my music tasted that my friends wont even bother asking me to listen to something like that. I only have maybe 2 friends that can say they listen to rap but they know I will bitch and moan until they turn it off, and becuase they do I return the favor. the majority of my friends share my taste in music which is good, we dont try and show eachother different musics unless we are sure the other person could enjoy it.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Hrmm.

In terms of music or books im not really not sure I've ever had a friend suggest something that sucked. At least not a reasonably close friend.

Theres be a few things i didn't get into right away... Like Frank Sinatra for instance, but eventually i got into it. Usually if someone with half a brain , is very strongly opinionated about X or Y i end up having to look at it, even if its outside my comfort zone. Given enough time, anything but the most steaming piles of poo , are "likeable" just takes a bit of an acquired taste at times.

There has got to be something that has been suggested to me that ended up being total ass. But i cant seem to think of anything at the moment.

Well, Sailor Moon was pretty crappy, but that was a highschool GF that suggested that. Really i didn't even have my own concepts of "good and bad" formed way back then.

Hrmm