I Was Raped T-shirt Controversy

[Miranda]

Jennifer Baumgardner, a Brooklyn writer has designed a simple T-shirt with a complicated message. The T-shirt shows a picture of a safe, with a tiny card inside which reads, "I was raped."

She hopes that the simple message will make an unassuming object, like the T-shirt, and open the sensitive topic for everyday conversation. She says,

"So many people who’ve been raped tend to doubt the experience. I do think it’s often empowering for women and men to own that experience and divest themselves of some of the shame and secrecy of it — and realize that they’re not the ones that should be ashamed.”

Baumgardner also designed a T-shirt reading, "I had an abortion." When she test-wore the shirt past a group of young men she found, “I’d be afraid that it would invite the same derision and hostility that I associate with the rape." The insight that she still had those feelings and the fact that the T-shirt helped with them, she said, made the experience worthwhile.

After all the comments this morning about the judge's decision to outlaw the word "rape" from his courtroom, I'm curious: Is this an appropriate way to start discussion? Or is the forum of a T-shirt too casual for the topic?

Why wear a shirt that says “I Was Raped”?

Because wearing it lets others know that they aren’t alone.

Because wearing it invites conversation about a silenced experience that so many women and men share.

Because rape is a crime that someone did to you, against your will.

Because, as Maya Angelou says, “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

Because you shouldn’t be ashamed that you were raped; the perpetrator should be ashamed.

Because being public shatters the very silence that enables rape to be so common.

Because naming what has happened is the first step toward changing the reality of rape.

Because legal redress is rarely served, so it’s crucial to find our own justice and acknowledgment.

~ Jennifer Baumgardner, “I Was Raped” project, 2008

[creatureofthenyte]

It would take ALOT of guts to wear that shirt in public nowadays.

I applaud her courage.

[sass_in_the_pants]

I think this is a very, very bad idea.

[Msterbeau]

I think this is a very, very bad idea.

Your answer and Brian's... Very strong and completely the opposite, and the exact reason this has gotten blown out of proportion. It's also a good illustration of how media can take things and twist it if they so chose.

Odd that this got posted today. I found out about this last night through some of the photography blogs I read. One blog was hers and states the facts of the events, the reactions and her views very well. You should read her blog before making up your mind.

I linked from here: http://candyposes.com/blog.html/?p=447

To the woman's blog post here: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather/200..._okay_with_that

[ttogreh]

I... I don't know. I just don't know.

[Brenda Starrr]

While not all of us want to advertise that we were, I do applaud one's ability to have the guts to wear it. I just couldn't.......

[TygerLili]

As far as this one woman wearing the shirt goes, if it helps her cope with her experiences and makes her feel better, more power to her.

I think mass-marketing them is a bad idea. It will turn victimization into a fashion trend. I could see the same teenagers and celebrities who wear the "hottie" T-shirts and such things, wearing this for the fashion aspect, with no meaning attached to the message. While so many of the true victims just wouldn't be comfortable "outing" themselves in this way.

[Msterbeau]

As far as this one woman wearing the shirt goes, if it helps her cope with her experiences and makes her feel better, more power to her.

I think mass-marketing them is a bad idea. It will turn victimization into a fashion tread. I could see the same teenagers and celebrities who wear the "hottie" T-shirts and such things, wearing this for the fashion aspect, with no meaning attached to the message. While so many of the true victims just wouldn't be comfortable "outing" themselves in this way.

From reading her blog, I don't get that she had any intent of "mass" marketing them. They were intended for victims of rape. And I agree... If it helps her cope and diminish the power of her attacker, who are we to judge her healing process?

[sass_in_the_pants]

Your answer and Brian's... Very strong and completely the opposite, and the exact reason this has gotten blown out of proportion. It's also a good illustration of how media can take things and twist it if they so chose.

Odd that this got posted today. I found out about this last night through some of the photography blogs I read. One blog was hers and states the facts of the events, the reactions and her views very well. You should read her blog before making up your mind.

I linked from here: http://candyposes.com/blog.html/?p=447

To the woman's blog post here: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather/200..._okay_with_that

Thank you for the links. I read them and I stand by my original post that this is a very, very bad idea.

[ttogreh]

I really wish you would elaborate on that.

[freydis]

As far as this one woman wearing the shirt goes, if it helps her cope with her experiences and makes her feel better, more power to her.

I think mass-marketing them is a bad idea. It will turn victimization into a fashion tread. I could see the same teenagers and celebrities who wear the "hottie" T-shirts and such things, wearing this for the fashion aspect, with no meaning attached to the message. While so many of the true victims just wouldn't be comfortable "outing" themselves in this way.

I think it would depend on the context in wearing it. If one worked for a women's shelter or counseling, or perhaps when doing victim's rights/advocate activities, etc..... then the shirt would actually be a help. Not only would it help her cope, but it would help the women she would be working with. Seeing someone else have the courage to openly say such a thing might encourage them to heal.

as an everyday on-the-street thing? i see it having the potential for some very uncomfortable situations.

[~Tszura~]

“I feel pretty confident saying that many of us who are survivors will not be triggered by another survivor saying he or she was raped, or having that voiced in a pretty sensitive way on a piece of clothing. More to the point, if you think this is the only way in any given day we might be reminded of our rapes, you've got to be kidding.” Heather on Scarleteen

Thanks for the links Msterbeau.

I actually hadn’t heard about this until this thread, and agree that the intensity of the reactions is due to the media firestorm. Sharing stories is what helps people get through hard times. It’s bloody amazing how negatively people react to something which can rob your very soul. No one “deserves” to be raped. By giving it a name out in public, people have to face it. The shirt is set up so that one has to get close to the wearer in order to read the note. It’s an invitation to have a real discussion, if you can handle it. Society can deal with people wearing shirts which say “I’m with stupid,” “Bad Girl,” “Princess,” or some other lame ass saying, but when it comes to actually facing something serious, society freaks out. People come up with assumptions right away, without even conversing about it. I don’t think the shirt is a bad thing, or that it is taking advantage of negative situation. I see its purpose as inviting discussion to spread awareness and provide support. Anyone wearing the shirt, however, just needs to be ready for any kind of backlash.

Side note, during undergrad I was part of a group that spent a semester studying in Mexico. There was this sweet Canadian female student who was also part of our group. I didn’t find out until I got back to Michigan that she was raped by a man from a circle of friends that the other girls in the group hung out with a lot. During our debriefing sessions upon our return, I decided to try to give this students experience a name, as she had not told anyone (she did not attend our school, and went back to Canada after Mexico). In lipstick, I wrote the word “Rape” on the side of my face so that the other gals in the group would see, and hopefully ask me about it. When I walked into the group, however, this one chick laughed, and said, “Rape? Lol What is that about?” I was stunned. I was prepared for all sorts of reactions, but not that one. I couldn’t believe she laughed at rape. I was 20 years old, and didn’t have the strength at the time to take it any further. I went to the bathroom, disgusted with her response, and washed it off. If only it were that easy for survivors. In the end, I also figured it was her story to tell, and not mine.

[Destroit]

“I feel pretty confident saying that many of us who are survivors will not be triggered by another survivor saying he or she was raped, or having that voiced in a pretty sensitive way on a piece of clothing. More to the point, if you think this is the only way in any given day we might be reminded of our rapes, you've got to be kidding.” Heather on Scarleteen

Thanks for the links Msterbeau.

I actually hadn’t heard about this until this thread, and agree that the intensity of the reactions is due to the media firestorm. Sharing stories is what helps people get through hard times. It’s bloody amazing how negatively people react to something which can rob your very soul. No one “deserves” to be raped. By giving it a name out in public, people have to face it. The shirt is set up so that one has to get close to the wearer in order to read the note. It’s an invitation to have a real discussion, if you can handle it. Society can deal with people wearing shirts which say “I’m with stupid,” “Bad Girl,” “Princess,” or some other lame ass saying, but when it comes to actually facing something serious, society freaks out. People come up with assumptions right away, without even conversing about it. I don’t think the shirt is a bad thing, or that it is taking advantage of negative situation. I see its purpose as inviting discussion to spread awareness and provide support. Anyone wearing the shirt, however, just needs to be ready for any kind of backlash.

Side note, during undergrad I was part of a group that spent a semester studying in Mexico. There was this sweet Canadian female student who was also part of our group. I didn’t find out until I got back to Michigan that she was raped by a man from a circle of friends that the other girls in the group hung out with a lot. During our debriefing sessions upon our return, I decided to try to give this students experience a name, as she had not told anyone (she did not attend our school, and went back to Canada after Mexico). In lipstick, I wrote the word “Rape” on the side of my face so that the other gals in the group would see, and hopefully ask me about it. When I walked into the group, however, this one chick laughed, and said, “Rape? Lol What is that about?” I was stunned. I was prepared for all sorts of reactions, but not that one. I couldn’t believe she laughed at rape. I was 20 years old, and didn’t have the strength at the time to take it any further. I went to the bathroom, disgusted with her response, and washed it off. If only it were that easy for survivors. In the end, I also figured it was her story to tell, and not mine.

You so get a gold star for this post.

I believe that if you're raped not only should you talk about it with everyone you know, but you should drop the rapist's name in as much as possible. Try to sabotage that person's existance in ANY WAY possible. Make their life the most miserable hell you possibly can. If that person has family, contact them personally and tell all of them about it. Contact that person's workplace and get them fired.

If you have the audacity to rape someone and ruin their life, well, that shit should come back tenfold.

I like the shirt idea. It brings a victim one step closer to being able to do that.

[xbittergracex]

This is a touchy subject. Going with what Cher says....that you should talk about it as much as possible....here goes my opinion on this.

Let me first say that I totally agree. You should talk about it as much as you feel comfortable with. Walking around knowing that nobody around you understands why you're acting strange or different than usual puts yourself in an inescapable box. Unfortunately sometimes, the people that you tell, are either more uncomfortable for knowing, or they think you're lying because you said it so easily. You can tell by the look on their faces.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience. I was raped in 2005 by a guy I knew over 2 years. A Friend. I won't name drop because for all I know he could be on this board or know some of you considering I believe he was sort of in this 'scene'. I absolutely fell apart. I went to counseling, I told most of my friends and family, and I'll be honest...no matter how many people I told, I went through this alone. My friends turned thier backs on me basically because I was 'too much to deal with'. I was never a 'whore', but I did on occasion have casual sex, so I had a few "friends" actually say "are you sure your lifestyle didn't contribute to this?" as if I had it coming. Eventually I moved out into my own place alone because my roommate and all of our close friends talked about me behind my back, started drama with me constantly because I was a basketcase and an easy scapegoat. I had a LOT of buttons and it was very easy to press them. I lived with my roommate for over a year after it happened and not ONCE did she ever even walk in my room and ask how I was doing or how therapy was going. I took time off work because again, I was a complete mess, and they constantly criticized me and called me lazy for taking time off work. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, and now, even two and a half years later, I think about it every day.

It is so hard to accept and live with, and I know that for me, it was hard to say. Who in thier right mind would ever want to say "I was Raped." and mean it? Sometimes its easier to type, or easier to symbolize. I think as far as this shirt is concerned, its not something I would add to my everyday wardrobe, but it would be a strong statement if you are representing yourself as a victim in a place you wanted to do so.

Just a side note here....

RAINN (Rape and Incest National Network) run the rape hotlines. They recently started offering an ONLINE hotline. In this new information age....the internet is a powerful tool. Thinking back to the first moment I picked up the phone and dialed thier number, it was one of the hardest things to do because I was still in denial and very confused and emotional. I think that this ONLINE hotline is EXTREMELY important to get people to talk about thier experience and hopefully be able to make more rational decisions to report thier rape (which I did not, unfortunately). Please check out the website at RAINN.ORG and check it out....and if you can donate time or money please consider it. But regardless any support, even emotional support is appreciated there. Its a great cause.

BTW here is a good video about the online hotline...

[Rev.Reverence]

You so get a gold star for this post.

I believe that if you're raped not only should you talk about it with everyone you know, but you should drop the rapist's name in as much as possible. Try to sabotage that person's existance in ANY WAY possible. Make their life the most miserable hell you possibly can. If that person has family, contact them personally and tell all of them about it. Contact that person's workplace and get them fired.

If you have the audacity to rape someone and ruin their life, well, that shit should come back tenfold.

I like the shirt idea. It brings a victim one step closer to being able to do that.

HUZZAH.... I love this post........

[Msterbeau]

“I feel pretty confident saying that many of us who are survivors will not be triggered by another survivor saying he or she was raped, or having that voiced in a pretty sensitive way on a piece of clothing. More to the point, if you think this is the only way in any given day we might be reminded of our rapes, you've got to be kidding.” Heather on Scarleteen

Thanks for the links Msterbeau.

I actually hadn’t heard about this until this thread, and agree that the intensity of the reactions is due to the media firestorm. Sharing stories is what helps people get through hard times. It’s bloody amazing how negatively people react to something which can rob your very soul. No one “deserves” to be raped. By giving it a name out in public, people have to face it. The shirt is set up so that one has to get close to the wearer in order to read the note. It’s an invitation to have a real discussion, if you can handle it. Society can deal with people wearing shirts which say “I’m with stupid,” “Bad Girl,” “Princess,” or some other lame ass saying, but when it comes to actually facing something serious, society freaks out. People come up with assumptions right away, without even conversing about it. I don’t think the shirt is a bad thing, or that it is taking advantage of negative situation. I see its purpose as inviting discussion to spread awareness and provide support. Anyone wearing the shirt, however, just needs to be ready for any kind of backlash.

Side note, during undergrad I was part of a group that spent a semester studying in Mexico. There was this sweet Canadian female student who was also part of our group. I didn’t find out until I got back to Michigan that she was raped by a man from a circle of friends that the other girls in the group hung out with a lot. During our debriefing sessions upon our return, I decided to try to give this students experience a name, as she had not told anyone (she did not attend our school, and went back to Canada after Mexico). In lipstick, I wrote the word “Rape” on the side of my face so that the other gals in the group would see, and hopefully ask me about it. When I walked into the group, however, this one chick laughed, and said, “Rape? Lol What is that about?” I was stunned. I was prepared for all sorts of reactions, but not that one. I couldn’t believe she laughed at rape. I was 20 years old, and didn’t have the strength at the time to take it any further. I went to the bathroom, disgusted with her response, and washed it off. If only it were that easy for survivors. In the end, I also figured it was her story to tell, and not mine.

Very thoughtful... One of the things I'm taking away from this story is how much people like to tell others how they should act. Like all problems can be solved the exact same way. Another is how many people trivialize the rape, make excuses for the assailant, etc. It's pretty frightening to me... WTF?

Sass... I'm curious to understand exactly why you don't think it's a good idea?

[Jadis]

While I don't think the t-shirt approach would be helpful to every victim... whatever helps you get past it and grow and heal is all personal. I don't think that I would be able to wear something that broadcasts something so very personal but that's just me. If that is what a person needs to do to deal with their personal feelings, we shouldn't judge that. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Though I agree that the person wearing such a shirt should be ready to deal with the people who would bring critisim. Sensitive topics tend to make people uncomfortable and then irritated.

[hunhee]

This is a touchy subject. Going with what Cher says....that you should talk about it as much as possible....here goes my opinion on this.

Let me first say that I totally agree. You should talk about it as much as you feel comfortable with. Walking around knowing that nobody around you understands why you're acting strange or different than usual puts yourself in an inescapable box. Unfortunately sometimes, the people that you tell, are either more uncomfortable for knowing, or they think you're lying because you said it so easily. You can tell by the look on their faces.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience. I was raped in 2005 by a guy I knew over 2 years. A Friend. I won't name drop because for all I know he could be on this board or know some of you considering I believe he was sort of in this 'scene'. I absolutely fell apart. I went to counseling, I told most of my friends and family, and I'll be honest...no matter how many people I told, I went through this alone. My friends turned thier backs on me basically because I was 'too much to deal with'. I was never a 'whore', but I did on occasion have casual sex, so I had a few "friends" actually say "are you sure your lifestyle didn't contribute to this?" as if I had it coming. Eventually I moved out into my own place alone because my roommate and all of our close friends talked about me behind my back, started drama with me constantly because I was a basketcase and an easy scapegoat. I had a LOT of buttons and it was very easy to press them. I lived with my roommate for over a year after it happened and not ONCE did she ever even walk in my room and ask how I was doing or how therapy was going. I took time off work because again, I was a complete mess, and they constantly criticized me and called me lazy for taking time off work. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, and now, even two and a half years later, I think about it every day.

It is so hard to accept and live with, and I know that for me, it was hard to say. Who in thier right mind would ever want to say "I was Raped." and mean it? Sometimes its easier to type, or easier to symbolize. I think as far as this shirt is concerned, its not something I would add to my everyday wardrobe, but it would be a strong statement if you are representing yourself as a victim in a place you wanted to do so.

Just a side note here....

RAINN (Rape and Incest National Network) run the rape hotlines. They recently started offering an ONLINE hotline. In this new information age....the internet is a powerful tool. Thinking back to the first moment I picked up the phone and dialed thier number, it was one of the hardest things to do because I was still in denial and very confused and emotional. I think that this ONLINE hotline is EXTREMELY important to get people to talk about thier experience and hopefully be able to make more rational decisions to report thier rape (which I did not, unfortunately). Please check out the website at RAINN.ORG and check it out....and if you can donate time or money please consider it. But regardless any support, even emotional support is appreciated there. Its a great cause.

BTW here is a good video about the online hotline...

I think this was a great post. Thank you for sharing this with us. It was very informative, and I would love to give you a hug right now if it's okay with you. *hugs* I'm sure it hasn't been a very easy road for you, and I'm sorry that you didn't get the support that you so needed from your friends. It seems that you have come a long way, and I think that's great!! You've earned great respect from me. (don't know if that means much, but it's there)

I think the point of the t-shirt is that the statistic is 1 in every 4 women has been either sexually assaulted, abused, or raped. Most people are so ashamed about the whole thing, they blame themselves, etc., that they don't get reported. This shirt is pointing out the fact that they shouldn't be ashamed. The whole symbolism in the safe, is that people hide it away, and don't allow the issue to air out. They're airing it, and it's getting news.. Good for them!

I think it takes guts to admit this on a t-shirt, and I'm glad that someone had the balls to carry it off. I think some women may think they brought that shit onto themselves, you didn't. If it was a no, and you said no, that means NO! End of story.

[~Tszura~]

XbittergraceX……....I agree with hunhee. Thank you so much for sharing what happened to you. It shows that you ARE strong, and brave. And thanks for the additional information on RAINN. I can see how helpful using the internet would be to share one’s story. **Hugs**

[Homicidalheathen]

I think this is a very, very bad idea.

Ditto this. It opens one up to abuse. What about the guys who do that sort of thing who think 'she must have done something that made the guy think she wanted it....'

He see's this and makes a wise crack........

And you can't tell me it wouldn't hurt to hear it.

Hell a guy like that, just seeing you in a tshirt is a bad idea. No need to give him more fule for abuse.

[Msterbeau]

Ditto this. It opens one up to abuse. What about the guys who do that sort of thing who think 'she must have done something that made the guy think she wanted it....'

He see's this and makes a wise crack........

And you can't tell me it wouldn't hurt to hear it.

Hell a guy like that, just seeing you in a tshirt is a bad idea. No need to give him more fule for abuse.

It also opens the person to support and empathy from other victims. And to sharing stories and potentially helping others with their healing process.

[xbittergracex]

I think this was a great post. Thank you for sharing this with us. It was very informative, and I would love to give you a hug right now if it's okay with you. *hugs* I'm sure it hasn't been a very easy road for you, and I'm sorry that you didn't get the support that you so needed from your friends. It seems that you have come a long way, and I think that's great!! You've earned great respect from me. (don't know if that means much, but it's there)

I think the point of the t-shirt is that the statistic is 1 in every 4 women has been either sexually assaulted, abused, or raped. Most people are so ashamed about the whole thing, they blame themselves, etc., that they don't get reported. This shirt is pointing out the fact that they shouldn't be ashamed. The whole symbolism in the safe, is that people hide it away, and don't allow the issue to air out. They're airing it, and it's getting news.. Good for them!

I think it takes guts to admit this on a t-shirt, and I'm glad that someone had the balls to carry it off. I think some women may think they brought that shit onto themselves, you didn't. If it was a no, and you said no, that means NO! End of story.

Thank you very much for your words and support. I really like what you had to say about the shirt too...

XbittergraceX……....I agree with hunhee. Thank you so much for sharing what happened to you. It shows that you ARE strong, and brave. And thanks for the additional information on RAINN. I can see how helpful using the internet would be to share one’s story. **Hugs**

Thank you so much also...

It also opens the person to support and empathy from other victims. And to sharing stories and potentially helping others with their healing process.

I think you're both right in different ways. I think that a victim willing to put on that shirt probably knows the risks of being called out or made fun of....however its risk vs. reward. If you aren't alright enough to hear the abuse, than your probably not ready to wear the shirt...but I think that if you are emotionally ready to not be harmed by those types of ignorant words...than it would be a very empowering and very motivational message to send. I think I would wear the shirt, and while I can't tell you it wouldn't hurt....I CAN tell you that since this has happened to me....I am STRONG ENOUGH to take those comments.

Personally, its similar to watching a rape scene in a movie....it takes a while to be ready.

I went to see Derailed about a month or so after my rape, and it was an extremely difficult scene to sit through. Sometimes when a scene comes on, I have to get up and do something just to occupy my mind, but it doesn't make me break down in tears anymore. So its one of those things that gets better with time, but never really goes away.

I think the shirt is a good idea for some and a bad idea for others...but trust me...coming from a victim....it would be a very important decision and I think after this sort of experience you consider your own well being more seriously and more often than you ever did before.

I've been called selfish by some people that knew me before it happened and who see me now. They call me selfish because I'm not as giving and I ALWAYS put myself first (note: I am not married and I have no children). My answer to this is, "If I don't take care of me, and worry about me and my emotional well being, who will?" I was left to deal with it alone....and it taught me a valuable lesson....that when everyone else turns thier back on you...you may have no one but yourself. I don't think its selfish....I think its strong and powerful so PFFT!!!!

[sass_in_the_pants]

I really wish you would elaborate on that.

Sass... I'm curious to understand exactly why you don't think it's a good idea?

I wrote a response.

But it involved explaining some very unpleasant things.

And I decided that I don't want to explain unpleasant things on the internet.

I just wanted to respond so that you know I'm not ignoring your question.

I'm just declining to answer it.

[ttogreh]

Ok. I can go with that. I wish you the best, Sass.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Its gesture politics/social activism, and it works. Note all the discussion here.

A picture / action of this sort causes more discussion than any reasoned intelligent debate ever did.