I Was Raped T-shirt Controversy

[Pandora]

As far as this one woman wearing the shirt goes, if it helps her cope with her experiences and makes her feel better, more power to her.

Indeed, many rape survivors never report it, and never get the chance to confront their attackers. How do you cope with such a horrendous violation? Many turn to drugs, alcohol, severe and unpleasant lifestyle changes like becoming agoraphobic, are unable to enjoy sex for many years, if ever, so many terrible side effects to deal with.

If wearing this shirt helps them help themselves then great, the entire subject of rape needs more attention anyway, it's such a hush-hush thing, which I can understand for the victims' sake, but it needs more publicity to help if possible deter future perpetrators from committing such a vicious act.

[Sybil]

It would take ALOT of guts to wear that shirt in public nowadays.

I applaud her courage.

Yep!

[Sybil]

While not all of us want to advertise that we were, I do applaud one's ability to have the guts to wear it. I just couldn't.......

Yep!

[Sybil]

“I feel pretty confident saying that many of us who are survivors will not be triggered by another survivor saying he or she was raped, or having that voiced in a pretty sensitive way on a piece of clothing. More to the point, if you think this is the only way in any given day we might be reminded of our rapes, you've got to be kidding.” Heather on Scarleteen

Thanks for the links Msterbeau.

I actually hadn’t heard about this until this thread, and agree that the intensity of the reactions is due to the media firestorm. Sharing stories is what helps people get through hard times. It’s bloody amazing how negatively people react to something which can rob your very soul. No one “deserves” to be raped. By giving it a name out in public, people have to face it. The shirt is set up so that one has to get close to the wearer in order to read the note. It’s an invitation to have a real discussion, if you can handle it. Society can deal with people wearing shirts which say “I’m with stupid,” “Bad Girl,” “Princess,” or some other lame ass saying, but when it comes to actually facing something serious, society freaks out. People come up with assumptions right away, without even conversing about it. I don’t think the shirt is a bad thing, or that it is taking advantage of negative situation. I see its purpose as inviting discussion to spread awareness and provide support. Anyone wearing the shirt, however, just needs to be ready for any kind of backlash.

Side note, during undergrad I was part of a group that spent a semester studying in Mexico. There was this sweet Canadian female student who was also part of our group. I didn’t find out until I got back to Michigan that she was raped by a man from a circle of friends that the other girls in the group hung out with a lot. During our debriefing sessions upon our return, I decided to try to give this students experience a name, as she had not told anyone (she did not attend our school, and went back to Canada after Mexico). In lipstick, I wrote the word “Rape” on the side of my face so that the other gals in the group would see, and hopefully ask me about it. When I walked into the group, however, this one chick laughed, and said, “Rape? Lol What is that about?” I was stunned. I was prepared for all sorts of reactions, but not that one. I couldn’t believe she laughed at rape. I was 20 years old, and didn’t have the strength at the time to take it any further. I went to the bathroom, disgusted with her response, and washed it off. If only it were that easy for survivors. In the end, I also figured it was her story to tell, and not mine.

Big hugs for you!!!!!!!

It might be her story, but thats very sweet how you "stood up for her in a way"??

If I had been that girl, I would be thankful for your "reaction"...

[Sybil]

This is a touchy subject. Going with what Cher says....that you should talk about it as much as possible....here goes my opinion on this.

Let me first say that I totally agree. You should talk about it as much as you feel comfortable with. Walking around knowing that nobody around you understands why you're acting strange or different than usual puts yourself in an inescapable box. Unfortunately sometimes, the people that you tell, are either more uncomfortable for knowing, or they think you're lying because you said it so easily. You can tell by the look on their faces.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience. I was raped in 2005 by a guy I knew over 2 years. A Friend. I won't name drop because for all I know he could be on this board or know some of you considering I believe he was sort of in this 'scene'. I absolutely fell apart. I went to counseling, I told most of my friends and family, and I'll be honest...no matter how many people I told, I went through this alone. My friends turned thier backs on me basically because I was 'too much to deal with'. I was never a 'whore', but I did on occasion have casual sex, so I had a few "friends" actually say "are you sure your lifestyle didn't contribute to this?" as if I had it coming. Eventually I moved out into my own place alone because my roommate and all of our close friends talked about me behind my back, started drama with me constantly because I was a basketcase and an easy scapegoat. I had a LOT of buttons and it was very easy to press them. I lived with my roommate for over a year after it happened and not ONCE did she ever even walk in my room and ask how I was doing or how therapy was going. I took time off work because again, I was a complete mess, and they constantly criticized me and called me lazy for taking time off work. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life, and now, even two and a half years later, I think about it every day.

It is so hard to accept and live with, and I know that for me, it was hard to say. Who in thier right mind would ever want to say "I was Raped." and mean it? Sometimes its easier to type, or easier to symbolize. I think as far as this shirt is concerned, its not something I would add to my everyday wardrobe, but it would be a strong statement if you are representing yourself as a victim in a place you wanted to do so.

Oh honey!! I am so sorry! I know we have never met, but I have tears streaming down my face for you right now. I am so sorry.

Its a terrible thing to go thru. And its terrible that people treated you like they did.

If a person hasnt been thru it, they should consider themselves very blessed.

Thing is, they dont understand...!!!

And you never had "it coming to you".

I am so so sorry you have been thru this.

Big hugs for you!!!!!!!!!

[Sybil]

It also opens the person to support and empathy from other victims. And to sharing stories and potentially helping others with their healing process.

YEP!

[Sybil]

I wrote a response.

But it involved explaining some very unpleasant things.

And I decided that I don't want to explain unpleasant things on the internet.

I just wanted to respond so that you know I'm not ignoring your question.

I'm just declining to answer it.

I am giving out big hugs and I wanna send some to you too.

So *big hugs for you, too!!*

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

I am more in favor of maiming and or killing your attacker if possible (even at some later date), but if thats not an option, the T-Shirt statement may help some people get closure.