My Daughters Dad Wants To Be A Part Of Her Life...

[punk_princess]

I got a letter from my child's dad yesterday. It said that he was sorry for being selfish and that being locked up has made him realize that he has a daughter that he dosen't even know. When he gets out on the 21st of this month, he hopes that i'm not seeing anyone so that he can be a part of her life. He feels bad for not being there for her but wants a second chance to be a father to Melanie. I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

[TygerLili]

What does whether you're dating someone have to do with whether or not he sees his daughter? He should want to see her regardless of what you're doing.

I do think that in most cases children have a right to know their parents, but it's up to you to decide if that's the best thing here.

[punk_princess]

What does whether you're dating someone have to do with whether or not he sees his daughter? He should want to see her regardless of what you're doing.

I do think that in most cases children have a right to know their parents, but it's up to you to decide if that's the best thing here.

Thats what I thought when I read the part that said "I hope that your not seeing anyone right now". What does he think that if I let him be part of her life that I'm going to be with him. I don't think so.

[TygerLili]

Thats what I thought when I read the part that said "I hope that your not seeing anyone right now". What does he think that if I let him be part of her life that I'm going to be with him. I don't think so.

Then if you do decide to let him see her, I would make sure it's in a public place like a busy park or McDonald's. And make it clear that you don't want to be with him.

[punk_princess]

Then if you do decide to let him see her, I would make sure it's in a public place like a busy park or McDonald's. And make it clear that you don't want to be with him.

I plan on it and I have to be there too cause she gets scared around people that she doesn't know.

[Onyx]

I assume by "gets out" you mean getting out of jail?

Sounds like you are going to have a lot of issues to deal with.

He probably has a legal right to see her but if it were me I'd contact whatever agencies handle visitation in your county and have it all spelled out in writing to avoid any misunderstandings and also have some kind of pattern as to when rather than just showing up at random. Children need structure.

[punk_princess]

I assume by "gets out" you mean getting out of jail?

Sounds like you are going to have a lot of issues to deal with.

He probably has a legal right to see her but if it were me I'd contact whatever agencies handle visitation in your county and have it all spelled out in writing to avoid any misunderstandings and also have some kind of pattern as to when rather than just showing up at random. Children need structure.

He's not on her birth certificate so I don't think he has any legal rights but I will look into that.

[punk_princess]

Thank you for the advice.

[Black Jack (1)]

Just remember if you take him back child support goes out the window legally.

[punk_princess]

Just remember if you take him back child support goes out the window legally.

I don't get child support and hes not on the birth certificate so I couldn't get any if I wanted it.

[Rayne]

Court.

EVERYTHING arranged through the court.

I can NOT stress that enough. He wants to see her, make him go through the proper legal channels to accomplish that.

They will let him, but under their terms, and they will recognize the fact that he hasn't seen her for so long. Not to mention you'll get the support from the family specialists who evalute the cases that you and your daughter will need.

I sort of went through the same thing. My daughter was 2 when her father decided to see her. I was thankful for the courts, even though they suck ... it helped us handle the situation.

Also be aware that if you do allow him to see her without the courts "okay" in the beginning, that later on that will look really good for him and give him a case that you didn't seem to care then, why do you now?

[Michiko_Dreads]

Court.

EVERYTHING arranged through the court.

I can NOT stress that enough. He wants to see her, make him go through the proper legal channels to accomplish that.

They will let him, but under their terms, and they will recognize the fact that he hasn't seen her for so long. Not to mention you'll get the support from the family specialists who evalute the cases that you and your daughter will need.

I sort of went through the same thing. My daughter was 2 when her father decided to see her. I was thankful for the courts, even though they suck ... it helped us handle the situation.

Also be aware that if you do allow him to see her without the courts "okay" in the beginning, that later on that will look really good for him and give him a case that you didn't seem to care then, why do you now?

I agree but I would say use the court as a second choice to your own way of handling it.

[Rayne]

I agree but I would say use the court as a second choice to your own way of handling it.

That's a very stressful situation to put you and a child in .... not to mention dangerous.

By all means, the father should have a right to see his child (and the courts will agree), but the courts will handle it, so she won't have to. They do this all day every day. They have a better idea of what to do.

That will also give him a legal leg to stand on if the child should get hurt in his care or some such legal junk.

The courts will make sure the legal aspects that normal people don't see are taken into account while evaluating the best way to handle a situation.

[punk_princess]

That's a very stressful situation to put you and a child in .... not to mention dangerous.

By all means, the father should have a right to see his child (and the courts will agree), but the courts will handle it, so she won't have to. They do this all day every day. They have a better idea of what to do.

That will also give him a legal leg to stand on if the child should get hurt in his care or some such legal junk.

The courts will make sure the legal aspects that normal people don't see are taken into account while evaluating the best way to handle a situation.

Does he have to be on her birth certificate? Cause I didn't put his name on hers. I just left that part blank.

[Michiko_Dreads]

Does he have to be on her birth certificate? Cause I didn't put his name on hers. I just left that part blank.

IF YOU MAKE HIM TAKE A BLOOD TEST AND ESTABLISH PATERNITY LEGALLY I THINK YOU CAN HAVE HIM PUT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO AS LONG AS YOU HAVE PROOF SHE IS HIS CHILD

[Rayne]

Does he have to be on her birth certificate? Cause I didn't put his name on hers. I just left that part blank.

Nope. All he has to do is file for paternity and the courts will handle everything from visitation to custody.

Once paternity is established through your testimony and his the courts will order him to sign the papers adding his name to the birth certificate. Its pretty simple.

Blood tests are only used if there is a dispute in paternity, they aren't common practice.

[Rev.Reverence]

I see the Lady Rayne has this topic well covered.

That is all...

[Rayne]

I see the Lady Rayne has this topic well covered.

That is all...

7 years of experience. A great deal of it representing myself. I do have a lawyer, but I work more WITH him than him working FOR me.

Not including that's what I'm in school for.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

7 years of experience. A great deal of it representing myself. I do have a lawyer, but I work more WITH him than him working FOR me.

Not including that's what I'm in school for.

while I am not completely disagreeing with Rayne's way...I do think it is something that you should handle personally first.

He will be getting out of jail...and while that gets stressful, I don't think that he would do anything to jeapordize that so soon.

If it's not a violent act that put him in jail....handle it personally....but please do it in a public place....park...something like what was mentioned before.

If all he wants is to be a part of her life.....then give him that chance.....don't drag a man with a record straight to court just to see his kid.....he'll take that as you NOT wanting him to have any part in her life...and that will come back harshly later.

[phee]

while I am not completely disagreeing with Rayne's way...I do think it is something that you should handle personally first.

He will be getting out of jail...and while that gets stressful, I don't think that he would do anything to jeapordize that so soon.

If it's not a violent act that put him in jail....handle it personally....but please do it in a public place....park...something like what was mentioned before.

If all he wants is to be a part of her life.....then give him that chance.....don't drag a man with a record straight to court just to see his kid.....he'll take that as you NOT wanting him to have any part in her life...and that will come back harshly later.

The problem is if nothing goes through the courts and something happens, then she is SOL

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

The problem is if nothing goes through the courts and something happens, then she is SOL

and I realize that...but as a person that has been through the judical system for very little....the LAST thing someone who gets out of jail wants to do is go back to court...because there is this fear that we don't get seen as actual people...and that the courts work against us because of it.

I'm just saying that if she takes the much harsher approach first....then there is a good chance he'll think she is against it....and I don't think thats what she wants.

[Rev.Reverence]

7 years of experience. A great deal of it representing myself. I do have a lawyer, but I work more WITH him than him working FOR me.

Not including that's what I'm in school for.

THIS is an undoubtedly cool thing to know...

[phee]

and I realize that...but as a person that has been through the judical system for very little....the LAST thing someone who gets out of jail wants to do is go back to court...because there is this fear that we don't get seen as actual people...and that the courts work against us because of it.

I'm just saying that if she takes the much harsher approach first....then there is a good chance he'll think she is against it....and I don't think thats what she wants.

I made the opposite mistake once... and did not make a line when I needed to.... I will regret it forever.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

I made the opposite mistake once... and did not make a line when I needed to.... I will regret it forever.

absolutely....*sigh*...honestly...as none of us know the COMPLETE situation....it's hard for any of us to say....Rayne and Phee many very good points on the side of caution...but even caution can backfire.....and while I think my way is a bit less abrasive to someone just getting out of jail and wanting to be part of her daughters life....there are problems concerning rights later.

You know who he used to be.....only you can decide what is best to do.

[Rayne]

while I am not completely disagreeing with Rayne's way...I do think it is something that you should handle personally first.

He will be getting out of jail...and while that gets stressful, I don't think that he would do anything to jeapordize that so soon.

If it's not a violent act that put him in jail....handle it personally....but please do it in a public place....park...something like what was mentioned before.

If all he wants is to be a part of her life.....then give him that chance.....don't drag a man with a record straight to court just to see his kid.....he'll take that as you NOT wanting him to have any part in her life...and that will come back harshly later.

Problem with that is EXACTLY what Phee said here:

The problem is if nothing goes through the courts and something happens, then she is SOL

Something DOES happen (my ex was in jail for identity theft) and she's is screwed. No matter what the crime, if it's not through the courts first, there's nothing the courts will do.

My ex has ran with my daughter TWICE. I didn't think he would be so stupid. He's in the Army ... he's been in jail ... he's definately not stupid. Unfortunately, his want to see our daughter has nothing to do with her ... it's all because of me. The letter quoted in the beginning gives me the impression that this is also the case in this situation.

Actually, going through the courts allows a lot of stress to be relieved, as in your not the one having to make the decision, everyone is doing it for you and basicly telling both parties what to do. PLUS, everything will be documented, so if anything does happen, if it's been to court, the proper channels can be handled.

Do you know that if the father decides to run with the minor child and isn't listed on the birth certificate, or a case hasn't been introduced into court establishing paternity then that adult can not be taken up on criminal charges? It all has to go through the court BEFORE anything can be done by the cops. Try getting a parent who is running from the law show up at court ........ parental kidnapping allows so many loopholes with the law ... I've actually had to PERSONALLY fly to NYC, drive five hours from the airport there and track down my daughter myself because the court takes too long in interstate disputes.

Again, the court is going to allow him to see her, they are just going to make sure that the transition is easy and he's following what they say.