My Daughters Dad Wants To Be A Part Of Her Life...

[freydis]

and I realize that...but as a person that has been through the judical system for very little....the LAST thing someone who gets out of jail wants to do is go back to court...because there is this fear that we don't get seen as actual people...and that the courts work against us because of it.

I'm just saying that if she takes the much harsher approach first....then there is a good chance he'll think she is against it....and I don't think thats what she wants.

Going through the court actually provides protection for *everybody*. She's right; if it doesnt go through the court, if something happens in his care, he has no legal right to have her treated at a hospital. Also, if there *are* problems later, the courts will wonder why it was ok before, and not then. Without court involvement, he has no clear rights established. It does them both a better turn to have things fully established.

[Onyx]

and I realize that...but as a person that has been through the judical system for very little....the LAST thing someone who gets out of jail wants to do is go back to court...because there is this fear that we don't get seen as actual people...and that the courts work against us because of it.

I'm just saying that if she takes the much harsher approach first....then there is a good chance he'll think she is against it....and I don't think thats what she wants.

I can see exactly what you are saying, however he is an adult who has chosen not to see his child. Personally I just can not understand a father not seeing a child for that long, unless he's been in a coma. Fuck that. Hell would freeze over before I'd let my child grow up without contact. If nothing else he could have written letters - he's had plenty of time on his hands.

The needs of the child should come before his needs and everyone else's needs here. There should be a structure set up so the child will know what to expect rather than having someone randomly appearing whenver they feel like it who may or may not be reliable.

It's really easy to say "Oh, that's sweet that he wants to be a part of his child's life now" and just be laid back about everything, but it is usually not in the best interest of the child. If he is dedicated to her needs, he will do what is necessary to see her, and do it gladly, including going back to court.

[Rayne]

and I realize that...but as a person that has been through the judical system for very little....the LAST thing someone who gets out of jail wants to do is go back to court...because there is this fear that we don't get seen as actual people...and that the courts work against us because of it.

I'm just saying that if she takes the much harsher approach first....then there is a good chance he'll think she is against it....and I don't think thats what she wants.

Usually, in family court, your criminal background has very little weight unless it's something extremely serious. Two very different court systems.

[Rayne]

I can see exactly what you are saying, however he is an adult who has chosen not to see his child. Personally I just can not understand a father not seeing a child for that long, unless he's been in a coma. Fuck that. Hell would freeze over before I'd let my child grow up without contact. If nothing else he could have written letters - he's had plenty of time on his hands.

The needs of the child should come before his needs and everyone else's needs here. There should be a structure set up so the child will know what to expect rather than having someone randomly appearing whenver they feel like it who may or may not be reliable.

It's really easy to say "Oh, that's sweet that he wants to be a part of his child's life now" and just be laid back about everything, but it is usually not in the best interest of the child. If he is dedicated to her needs, he will do what is necessary to see her, and do it gladly, including going back to court.

I agree, unfortunately the law doesn't.

If he is dedicated to her needs, he will do what is necessary to see her, and do it gladly, including going back to court.

And THIS is EXACTLY it.

[Rayne]

Going through the court actually provides protection for *everybody*. She's right; if it doesnt go through the court, if something happens in his care, he has no legal right to have her treated at a hospital. Also, if there *are* problems later, the courts will wonder why it was ok before, and not then. Without court involvement, he has no clear rights established. It does them both a better turn to have things fully established.

Yep. They will see it as the custodial parent being vindictive if it's allowed THEN shows up in court. Horrible place to be as a parent.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

Usually, in family court, your criminal background has very little weight unless it's something extremely serious. Two very different court systems.

I personally know several people who had minor criminal records, and the attorney appointed to the mother in the case used those against them....it was like parking tickets....

and it worked....it depends on the judge.

[Rayne]

I personally know several people who had minor criminal records, and the attorney appointed to the mother in the case used those against them....it was like parking tickets....

and it worked....it depends on the judge.

I've never seen anything minor (even some majour, actually - according to the charges) be actually weighed in an opinion.

The lawyer may have used it, but chances are the judge really didn't weigh it in the decision.

Things like parking tickets can be used to SHOW irresponsibility, but the judge won't really take it too much into account unless there's other proof to show a pattern of irresponsibility.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

I've never seen anything minor (even some majour, actually - according to the charges) be actually weighed in an opinion.

The lawyer may have used it, but chances are the judge really didn't weigh it in the decision.

Things like parking tickets can be used to SHOW irresponsibility, but the judge won't really take it too much into account unless there's other proof to show a pattern of irresponsibility.

I dunno then...I was there for most of the trials....and those that DID have things on them...they were minor infractions....and it got used against them....maybe it's a southern thing....couldn't tell ya.

[Rayne]

I dunno then...I was there for most of the trials....and those that DID have things on them...they were minor infractions....and it got used against them....maybe it's a southern thing....couldn't tell ya.

That's true. All of my court experience is in Michigan. Specifically Wayne and Washtenaw Counties.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I only read halfway down. Rayne is correct though and he advice should be followed. I would like to point out though, that it is not his right to see the child. It's the child's Right to know thier parent. You can't legally deny it without good cause. If you choose to not let him see the child... he has many options to establish paternity. If you are getting any form of assistance and he knows about it... he can tell them. They will get an order to establish paternity or not with him... he will most likely pay for it. If he does in fact test to be the biological father, you would then have no choice but to negotiat some visitation for the Child with it's other parent.

If you deny the child thier rights and he proves paternity... you can get in trouble.

[Oh_My_Goth]

You have to let him try.....

Soooo many Dads want nothing to do with their kids.....

It is sad when they do want to and the mother stops it from happening, I have seen it.....

It may be uncomfortable for a bit, but it is well worth a try.

[Rayne]

You have to let him try.....

Soooo many Dads want nothing to do with their kids.....

It is sad when they do want to and the mother stops it from happening, I have seen it.....

It may be uncomfortable for a bit, but it is well worth a try.

I'm not sure who your replying to here ...

No one is disputing the fact that the child should have an opportunity to know her father. It's the manner in which it's handled that is being discussed.

[Rayne]

I would like to point out though, that it is not his right to see the child. It's the child's Right to know thier parent.

I agree but unfortunately the law (at least in Wayne County) looks at a child as having no rights. And up to a certain point they can not have an opinion by law. It's quite sad.

During our last trial, the judge interviewed my daughter, who told the judge exactly what she felt (which she had been bugging me for 3 years to take her to talk to the judge and the judge would deny it every time). But she didn't listen to a word she said. It was quite disheartening.