Is Having A Child All About Your Ego?

[Miranda]

I've heard it said that when people have a child, it is all about their inner ego and satisfaction of the self. Them wanting to see themselves in something else, that isn't them. Why did you have a child if you have children? Was it something you just thought you should do? I must say that I absolutely adore children. I personally don't want a child but I have been a pre-school teacher. I suppose working with children curbed my maternal instinct quite a bit. My brother has a daughter now who is 2 and she makes me content. Thoughts?

[phee]

Complicated question..... there is a lot to that....

[Rayne]

All my kids are like me in SOME way, but not many. Mostly they are their OWN person. They are all different. Raising children is difficult and challenging.

I always wanted kids. In fact, I wanted more than the four I have. So, I got dogs -- seriously, I'm all about the responsibility of another -- I don't know what to do with myself when they aren't here. But it was never about me -- it was always about them.

[Oh_My_Goth]

I never wanted kids until I met my hubby Rev.....

I was the kind of person who did not even want to hold a BB.....

I did not want to create another Me, that scared the shit out of Me.....

I saw my child B4 he was born, he asked to be born to us.....

I know that sound really strange, but it is true.....

I believe he will do something important some day.....

[Miranda]

I never wanted kids until I met my hubby Rev.....

I was the kind of person who did not even want to hold a BB.....

I did not want to create another Me, that scared the shit out of Me.....

I saw my child B4 he was born, he asked to be born to us.....

I know that sound really strange, but it is true.....

I believe he will do something important some day.....

I believe certain people have experiences beyond capability of understanding to those whom have not experienced more than what is simply in front of us.

[Oh_My_Goth]

I believe certain people have experiences beyond capability of understanding to those whom have not experienced more than what is simply in front of us.

This is very true.....

[creatureofthenyte]

Well, in my opinion, to answer the question of this thread....

I do believe, that for some people it can be and for some it Is very much an ego related endeavor.

I do not have any kids, and do not forsee myself having any kids.

However, when I hear about people having kids much later in life then what could be considered a normal time period, it makes me think that ego factors into it very much so.

Like someone needing to prove that they are still valid and worthy in life or something.

[phee]

Well, in my opinion, to answer the question of this thread....

I do believe, that for some people it can be and for some it Is very much an ego related endeavor.

I do not have any kids, and do not forsee myself having any kids.

However, when I hear about people having kids much later in life then what could be considered a normal time period, it makes me think that ego factors into it very much so.

Like someone needing to prove that they are still valid and worthy in life or something.

There are many reasons....

My wife feels good when she is taking care of kids, dogs, me, etc.... her natural state is a caregiver, it is who she is through and through. I suppose that you could say that ego is tied into that somehow. She doesn't even do it for the reciprication of that love (the nine year old for example) but she keeps doing it. It makes her feel at peace with herself (THIS IS WHAT I HAVE OBSERVED AND MY OPINION BTW.... I DO NOT PRETEND TO SPEAK FOR MY WIFE). It is a lot a musician who does music, whether for an audience (that would be ego) or just enjoys the feeling of doing it alone. Or someone who say cares for the elderly, sure it could be to make them feel good about themselves/aliviate guilt about something/feel important (ego) but it also can be about just simply feeling natural and happy about doing so.

There are some people who have kids because they are all about the love from their children, not about the caregiving persay, but they love the feeling of being loved....

And yes there are a few that try to achieve a feeling of immortality throught there kids as well.

[creatureofthenyte]

And yes there are a few that try to achieve a feeling of immortality throught there kids as well.

You said it better then I did Phee, thank you.

[phee]

You said it better then I did Phee, thank you.

NP.... heh

[Fin]

As much as we can wax philosophical about this issue, I believe that it is a genetically-instilled primal instinct to procreate.

That doesn't necessarily speak to how well (or poorly) we care for them or what they mean to us in today's world after they are born, but it does explain the drive.

Now that belief stated, my two-year-old niece is the bees-knees & I'm crazy about her.

[Shade Everdark]

My cat is the only child I ever want.

However, I am egotistical enough to say that any immortality I might achieve will have to come through other means.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

is a child about ego....somewhat..sure..I can see that....most parents always want great things for their children. Then, there are some of us that want children partly because we been denied it before: something happened where we were close...but it wasn't to be, due to certian ppl.

Personally....I always thought carrying on my fathers side of things would be nice....3 boys....

It's always nice to have a legacy, I guess....

[Rev.Reverence]

As much as we can wax philosophical about this issue, I believe that it is a genetically-instilled primal instinct to procreate.

Yes there is...generally...in each generation though, some people don't procreate for whatever reasons.

So I only count that as a third or half of an equation.

To Miranda's original question; from my personal perspective:

No.

I had to...

WHY?

DUTY.

To all that I hold holy and good I owe the Universe for my upbringing.

The voices in my head taught me more wisdom than 2 sets of parents and the staff of 3 Hospitals PUT TOGETHER.

{Though my birth-father is a wise man, we did not bond on a philosophical level}

I owe it to them, the Voices of my D.N.A./Spirits/Angels/Daemons/Fae/What-have-yous.....

...to give a human being the upbringing I would have liked...to do 1 better (well, usually more that 1 better in my case)..

The act of procreation, and the responsible & timely instillment of Virtues and is the highest of holy callings..shame it is that some only get halfway through the gauntlet.

*****

In GENERAL POPULATION:

SOMETIMES, YES, PEOPLE ARE EVIL AND ONLY DO THINGS ONLY FOR THEIR OWN GRATIFICATION.

I have seen this allot lately.

Accidental pregnancy with the mother (who is unsure of the father) only half interested in the rearing process.

IT IS EPIDEMIC IN AMERICA.

Be it for the shame & stigmata of the Clinic...or the sheer stupidity & lackluster ethic of the younger generations...

I can only guess a little from column A & a little from column B.

...& I coulda' wrote allot more on this subject.....& I may yet.

[Der Nister]

For me havnig a child was/is all about continuing my blood line.

Call it selfishness but I will disagree.

I knew at a certain age that I would want at least one child and that's what I have - one child.

She's her own person but in many ways similar to me but in no way do I try to make her someone she isn't.

[know_buddy_kares]

never really cared to have kids, and neither does/did my girl..

but a few days ago she told me she wouldn't mind having kids with me..

so i'm like um ok wtf?

[Guest Megalicious]

Did I have my son to boost my ego? Hell no. If anything it has bruised it. I have less self confidence in vinyl red mini skirts LOL.

I never wanted kids, I took the right precautions not to have kids and yet here he is =). I struggled with my choice, I gave it great thought and decided what was best for me (mostly on a mental level).

He is the best mistake I have ever made. As far as ego is concerned, he is nothing like me. He is the spitting image (looks and personality) of his father (which is a good thing, aside from not really being an ideal SO for me, Jarod is a good man).

[Homicidalheathen]

Its about charma, if you don't raise one...how can you expect to get a body when you reincarnate?

But yes, I will admit....some of it was me wanting to leave a piece of my family, a piece of me that was not art or music....I wanted a mini me. I got two.

[Homicidalheathen]

Did I have my son to boost my ego? Hell no. If anything it has bruised it. I have less self confidence in vinyl red mini skirts LOL.

I never wanted kids, I took the right precautions not to have kids and yet here he is =). I struggled with my choice, I gave it great thought and decided what was best for me (mostly on a mental level).

He is the best mistake I have ever made. As far as ego is concerned, he is nothing like me. He is the spitting image (looks and personality) of his father (which is a good thing, aside from not really being an ideal SO for me, Jarod is a good man).

This is the best answer by far....with age comes wisdom.

[Rev.Reverence]

I never wanted kids, I took the right precautions not to have kids and yet here he is =). I struggled with my choice, I gave it great thought and decided what was best for me (mostly on a mental level).

He is the best mistake I have ever made. As far as ego is concerned, he is nothing like me. He is the spitting image (looks and personality) of his father (which is a good thing, aside from not really being an ideal SO for me, Jarod is a good man).

Yay! I'm so happy that you posted that I may use your situation as a shining example...

MORE PEOPLE THAT "HAVE A MISTAKE" NEED TO LEARN FROM YOU DOLL!

So how much did your lifestyle change?

How quickly? overnight...or..over weeks...

[Guest Megalicious]

So how much did your lifestyle change?

How quickly? overnight...or..over weeks...

Pretty much overnight. I had to stop smoking ( and I was a crazy bitch, poor Jarod).

Once a social butterfly, care free, and free spirt, I realized right away I needed to change.

I needed to be grounded, set roots, to lay a foundation ( a stable one that is) for my son to have a good life. ( I should say child because I didn't know what he was at the time.)

I got into regular therapy. Started to take better care of myself, mentally and physically. And the perks of that have be nothing short of amazing.

[TygerLili]

In many cases it is, but not all. In the case of people who "make mistakes" and decide to raise the child, or adopt it out, rather than abort it, I think that's actually pretty selfless.

I've never really wanted children, but once in a blue moon I do catch myself thinking "If I ever have a kid, he/she will be ___________ like I am."

Bottom line, though, as long as you take good care of your children, and they're happy, who really cares why you decided to have children in the first place? Just pat yourself on the back for being a good parent, because there are a lot of lousy parents out there.

[Oh_My_Goth]

Pretty much overnight. I had to stop smoking ( and I was a crazy bitch, poor Jarod).

Once a social butterfly, care free, and free spirt, I realized right away I needed to change.

I needed to be grounded, set roots, to lay a foundation ( a stable one that is) for my son to have a good life. ( I should say child because I didn't know what he was at the time.)

I got into regular therapy. Started to take better care of myself, mentally and physically. And the perks of that have be nothing short of amazing.

That's AWESOME!!!!!

Kudos to you.....

[sass_in_the_pants]

Why did we have children?

Because birth control is not NEARLY as effective as everyone says it is.

And I actually can't even wrap my head around HOW anyone could even think that having children is anything but self-LESS.

Maybe it's the glamour that comes with getting peed on?

Maybe it's the fortune that comes with babies (the placenta is made of money, you know)?

Or it could it be the thrilling life of being grateful to get to bed by 9?

If someone has a baby to feed their ego, their ego will starve to death.

And they will find that their dead ego is a wonderful mulch for things that are far more worthwhile, like charity, and hope.

As far as immortality...I can say that I have never known my own mortality more intimately than I have since my girls were born. The babies change SO fast, it makes me realize that far from standing still, time is marching all over me. I have never felt more...vulnerable. These girls, they're so helpless, and if anything were to happen to them, it would be the death of me. So, I went from being able to protect myself, to letting my heart loose on the world in the form of two little people who can't do ANYTHING to protect themselves. And now, EVERY kid is my kid. I see children who are suffering and I think 'That could just as easily be one of mine' and my heart breaks. Which means we give ALOT more to UNICEF than we ever did before.

I think when people have children, it's because they have extra love to pass around. There are other nice things about it that you don't find out about until after their born, too. Like that years after your mother has passed, you can still see her eyes in your daughter. Or that the fact that BILLIONS of children before her rolled over, it does not in any way make YOUR child's first roll over less exciting. And that I love my husband more than I ever could have before, because when you see someone who loves your children, well, you can't help but love them even more.

I could go on, but it's getting close to 9 and I can't wait to get to bed.

[Miranda]

I think when people have children, it's because they have extra love to pass around.

Wouldn't it be a more realistic statement to say: "when some people have children it's because they have extra love to pass around"? As sweet as your quote sounds, I can't agree with it on every level. Tell that to all of the children whom are ,as we speak, being physically, sexually and or mentally abused on a daily basis because their mother or father can't handle all that came with what entailed in the parenting of a child. There are many people who don't deserve the children they have because they are still behaving as children themselves.