Is Having A Child All About Your Ego?

[Fin]

Yes there is...generally...in each generation though, some people don't procreate for whatever reasons.

So I only count that as a third or half of an equation.

As do I.

The other parts of the equation, IMO, involve the effects of progressing civilization, cultural advancement, & increasing self-awareness (not to mention self-determination) that have developed in homo sapiens as we have naturally evolved. Eg., where a primordial caveman might consider his life a failure had he not reproduced, modern man has developed significant cultural & personal reasons to both support & deny the primal urge to procreate.

Don't get me wrong--I do not think the "struggle" is always conscious. Far from it--I believe that primal means just that--from the brainstem & not bound by the rationalization of the cerebrum & conscious thought/decision making. So we've all had to come to our own conclusions regarding offspring once we've entered sexual maturity--whether we do it consiciously or not.

(I re-read what I wrote above. I feel like such a DORK. What a Star Trek answer. LOL)

[sass_in_the_pants]

Wouldn't it be a more realistic statement to say: "when some people have children it's because they have extra love to pass around"? As sweet as your quote sounds, I can't agree with it on every level. Tell that to all of the children whom are ,as we speak, being physically, sexually and or mentally abused on a daily basis because their mother or father can't handle all that came with what entailed in the parenting of a child. There are many people who don't deserve the children they have because they are still behaving as children themselves.

Yes, that would be a more realistic statement.

I wasn't really trying to cover every base, just a general statement.

But, yes, many children live in abhorrent circumstances.

[Guest Megalicious]

Why did we have children?

Because birth control is not NEARLY as effective as everyone says it is.

And I actually can't even wrap my head around HOW anyone could even think that having children is anything but self-LESS.

Maybe it's the glamour that comes with getting peed on?

Maybe it's the fortune that comes with babies (the placenta is made of money, you know)?

Or it could it be the thrilling life of being grateful to get to bed by 9?

If someone has a baby to feed their ego, their ego will starve to death.

And they will find that their dead ego is a wonderful mulch for things that are far more worthwhile, like charity, and hope.

This really put a smile on my face. Thank you.

[SuZQZ]

Well, I can only comment for myself. My ego truly had nothing to do with it. I did not want to have a child. My then husband and I were using protection and I had just had a surgery which removed a serious portion of my cervix to boot. On top of that, I have a physical problem where carrying a child past the first couple months is a slim to none chance. But there it was. I found myself pregnant. Unplanned and unexpected. The powers that be, whatever power you believe in, placed her with me, blessed me with her. The scar tissue from the surgery is the only reason I was able to carry her to term. So for me, having a child is about being blessed. And she truly is a blessing (even in her moody, hormonal, pre-teen phase!). Add this with most of Sass in the Pants post and you've got my point of view pretty well wrapped up.

[sass_in_the_pants]

The powers that be, whatever power you believe in, placed her with me, blessed me with her. The scar tissue from the surgery is the only reason I was able to carry her to term. So for me, having a child is about being blessed. And she truly is a blessing (even in her moody, hormonal, pre-teen phase!).

I think blessed is actually the perfect word.

When you think of all the reasons that your daughter SHOULDN'T be here - all of the circumstances which made her birth unlikely and she STILL gets here? Definitely a blessing

[Destroit]

Well, I can only comment for myself. My ego truly had nothing to do with it. I did not want to have a child. My then husband and I were using protection and I had just had a surgery which removed a serious portion of my cervix to boot. On top of that, I have a physical problem where carrying a child past the first couple months is a slim to none chance. But there it was. I found myself pregnant. Unplanned and unexpected. The powers that be, whatever power you believe in, placed her with me, blessed me with her. The scar tissue from the surgery is the only reason I was able to carry her to term. So for me, having a child is about being blessed. And she truly is a blessing (even in her moody, hormonal, pre-teen phase!). Add this with most of Sass in the Pants post and you've got my point of view pretty well wrapped up.

This will probably be my fate. That's how our family works, I think maybe 35% of my cousins were planned, and I don't think any of my grandma's four daughters were planned. Women in my family are so damn fertile they could lay down in a bed, fully clothed, next to a man and get pregnant .

BUT...I will so step up to the plate if it does happen. Sure I don't like kids much, don't want my own, but if it happens at least I'm willing to do the right thing.

As for ego? Sadly I know MANY girls who had babies for trophies. Literally...just a little "oooh! look what I got! I maaade it myself!" More sad than that, two of my aunts are these women. The last laugh is on them because my two Stepford Wives aunts who had babies to show off and be perfect ended up with REALLY REALLY fucked up kids. Like people that buy puppies because they're cute, not realizing what they're getting themselves into, and then end up neglecting the puppy...which causes the puppy to be disfunctional and shit all over the house (bad analogy...I know). They would even try to get their kids to make fun of me for being different and only having one parent, because my family wasn't "perfect" . Last laugh is on them. You don't need a huge $350,000 house and two parents to be a perfect family...you need love AND instruction/discipline, in moderate and appropriate amounts. Apparantly they didn't get that memo .

[Rayne]

This will probably be my fate. That's how our family works, I think maybe 35% of my cousins were planned, and I don't think any of my grandma's four daughters were planned. Women in my family are so damn fertile they could lay down in a bed, fully clothed, next to a man and get pregnant .

Sorry, I had to laugh .... three of my four were surprises. I've often joked all I have to do is wash my clothes in the same load of laundry ....

which is why Phee and I don't do our laundry together.

[Oh_My_Goth]

\ Like people that buy puppies because they're cute, not realizing what they're getting themselves into, and then end up neglecting the puppy...which causes the puppy to be dysfunctional and shit all over the house (bad analogy...I know).

Actually I think that is a perfect analogy.....

Dogs and people are allot more alike than people like to admit.....

[sass_in_the_pants]

This will probably be my fate. That's how our family works, I think maybe 35% of my cousins were planned, and I don't think any of my grandma's four daughters were planned. Women in my family are so damn fertile they could lay down in a bed, fully clothed, next to a man and get pregnant .

Sorry, I had to laugh .... three of my four were surprises. I've often joked all I have to do is wash my clothes in the same load of laundry ....

which is why Phee and I don't do our laundry together.

All this talk of fertility reminds me of our one friend, the Samoan, and his FIVE children, all conceived on a variety of birth control methods, the last one being a vasectomy. Apparently, there's a waiting period AFTER the vasectomy which is still 'unsafe'. Talk about not getting memos!

We always tell him he's got big coconut-cracking hands, what with being Samoan and all (he's actually Welsh, but that's neither here nor there). Anyway, so we figure if his hands are big enough to crack coconuts then his sperm would certainly be mighty enough to defeat birth control.

[Rayne]

All this talk of fertility reminds me of our one friend, the Samoan, and his FIVE children, all conceived on a variety of birth control methods, the last one being a vasectomy. Apparently, there's a waiting period AFTER the vasectomy which is still 'unsafe'. Talk about not getting memos!

We always tell him he's got big coconut-cracking hands, what with being Samoan and all (he's actually Welsh, but that's neither here nor there). Anyway, so we figure if his hands are big enough to crack coconuts then his sperm would certainly be mighty enough to defeat birth control.

Oh, I know that feeling. Every form of birth control has failed me so far (even my tubal ligation) ... the only exception being since they put me on TWO pills a day a year ago. Every time I'd have a baby, they would go "Whoops, I think we need to give you a stronger script."

What's even funnier - is I have severe endometriosis ... it wasn't supposed to have happened anyway.