Dating A Person With Children

[prick]

I go both ways on this issue. I have been married to someone with kids from a different man and dated people with kids. I love children. It can be hard though cause I am not their daddy or there is the need to get out and spread my wings. I do however love teaching children about this beautiful world. So basically I am looking for someone cool. It doesnt matter if they have kids or not.

[Guest greyhalo]

I go both ways on this issue. I have been married to someone with kids from a different man and dated people with kids. I love children. It can be hard though cause I am not their daddy or there is the need to get out and spread my wings. I do however love teaching children about this beautiful world. So basically I am looking for someone cool. It doesnt matter if they have kids or not.

Thanks for adding something positive to this thread.

[prick]

Thanks for adding something positive to this thread.

Thats one of the reasons I am here and you are welcome.

[Oh_My_Goth]

Thats one of the reasons I am here and you are welcome.

PRick, your such a sweetie.....

[prick]

PRick, your such a sweetie.....

But not as sweet as you. I have a long way to go.

[Oh_My_Goth]

But not as sweet as you. I have a long way to go.

[bean]

You may love children, but to not have them yourself and date someone who has them, makes a world of difference.

I've heard this from many people, in my research for my job (looking for support groups for this type of situation).

If you don't have children yourself, and you date someone who has them, you have to take a lot of things into consideration, such as:

-Your own temperament - can you deal with the child's misbehavior and their quirks? How would/do you deal with it?

-The child's personality - does it drive you nuts, or is it okay?

-Can you deal with scheduling your life around the child's life?

-Are you okay with the child being #1 to your partner?

-Are you able to share your partners affections and attention with the child without becoming jealous?

-Will you be able to like, (or love) and care for the child? Or will you always feel detached from the child?

-Is the ex still in the picture? How involved is he/she? What kind of person is he/she? You'll have to deal with this person, just as your partner does.

In the beginning, when you first meet the child, you'll likely be doing fun things, so you'll only see the "good" side of the child. That's not a good indicator of things. *If you are serious about that person, you need to spend some time together in real life situations to see how you react and how it makes you feel.

*I put that in there because research shows that it is very damaging to introduce your child to every person you date, and that you should only be introducing your child to people with whom you have been dating for a longer period of time and are very serious about. It is damaging and cruel to allow your child to get attached to someone, only for that person to leave your child's life once the relationship has ended. If this happens repeatedly, it will likely cause psychological damage to the child.

[prick]

You may love children, but to not have them yourself and date someone who has them, makes a world of difference.

I've heard this from many people, in my research for my job (looking for support groups for this type of situation).

If you don't have children yourself, and you date someone who has them, you have to take a lot of things into consideration, such as:

-Your own temperament - can you deal with the child's misbehavior and their quirks? How would/do you deal with it?

-The child's personality - does it drive you nuts, or is it okay?

-Can you deal with scheduling your life around the child's life?

-Are you okay with the child being #1 to your partner?

-Are you able to share your partners affections and attention with the child without becoming jealous?

-Is the ex still in the picture? How involved is he/she? What kind of person is he/she? You'll have to deal with this person, just as your partner does.

In the beginning, when you first meet the child, you'll likely be doing fun things, so you'll only see the "good" side of the child. That's not a good indicator of things. *If you are serious about that person, you need to spend some time together in real life situations to see how you react and how it makes you feel.

*I put that in there because research shows that it is very damaging to introduce your child to every person you date, and that you should only be introducing your child to people with whom you have been dating for a longer period of time and are very serious about. It is damaging and cruel to allow your child to get attached to someone, only for that person to leave your child's life once the relationship has ended. If this happens repeatedly, it will likely cause psychological damage to the child.

I am one who can love children like my own. I have with my ex wife. The kids are not biologically mine but they still hear from me more then their real father.

[bean]

I am one who can love children like my own. I have with my ex wife. The kids are not biologically mine but they still hear from me more then their real father.

I didn't think about that one - I have to add that!

That's cool that you are able to do that. So many people can't.

[prick]

I didn't think about that one - I have to add that!

That's cool that you are able to do that. So many people can't.

I like children better then adults. They make more sence and they know how to play. Ultimately I love the woman and whatever is or is not part of her.

[JaneDead]

You may love children, but to not have them yourself and date someone who has them, makes a world of difference.

I've heard this from many people, in my research for my job (looking for support groups for this type of situation).

If you don't have children yourself, and you date someone who has them, you have to take a lot of things into consideration, such as:

-Your own temperament - can you deal with the child's misbehavior and their quirks? How would/do you deal with it?

-The child's personality - does it drive you nuts, or is it okay?

-Can you deal with scheduling your life around the child's life?

-Are you okay with the child being #1 to your partner?

-Are you able to share your partners affections and attention with the child without becoming jealous?

-Will you be able to like, (or love) and care for the child? Or will you always feel detached from the child?

-Is the ex still in the picture? How involved is he/she? What kind of person is he/she? You'll have to deal with this person, just as your partner does.

In the beginning, when you first meet the child, you'll likely be doing fun things, so you'll only see the "good" side of the child. That's not a good indicator of things. *If you are serious about that person, you need to spend some time together in real life situations to see how you react and how it makes you feel.

*I put that in there because research shows that it is very damaging to introduce your child to every person you date, and that you should only be introducing your child to people with whom you have been dating for a longer period of time and are very serious about. It is damaging and cruel to allow your child to get attached to someone, only for that person to leave your child's life once the relationship has ended. If this happens repeatedly, it will likely cause psychological damage to the child.

so very true. i think my ex had many issues with the above mentioned and either a. he didn't know it at the time or b. i didn't know it until it became obvious to me AFTER getting married.

in the beginning i felt like we were a "family"- me, my son and him. but over time i started to realize he just didn't feel about my son the way he should have, being his "step father" and essentially really being (at the time) his ONLY father.

it was very hard on my son as he got older and realized his "dad" didn't really think of him as his "son" because he biologically was not. i didn't see THAT coming though someone in my family told me from the START "he will not love your son as his own because he is not". that blew my mind. i love another child that is NOT my own and i still do to this day so i just assumed someone COULD and would love my son as their own if they were raising him.

i definitely have to be very careful next time around

[Rev.Reverence]

I would, but I imagine that there are certain higher-degrees of partying that I'd still like to do in the future that a responsible parent just wouldn't be able to do.

...um.....how about a weekend at G-parents? THEY Love that shit...(kids & GPs)

Talk about win... Win.. WIN.

[Rayne]

...um.....how about a weekend at G-parents? THEY Love that shit...(kids & GPs)

Talk about win... Win.. WIN.

You can't count on that. Some people don't have that option.

[Oh_My_Goth]

You can't count on that. Some people don't have that option.

Well that's just crappy.....

[Oh_My_Goth]

Yeah, ideally that would be the case. I am willing to be proven wrong, maybe it could work. I've never done it. Does having a child kill off one's desire for weekend-long benders? I dunno.

Mostly it does.....

[Oh_My_Goth]

That is most likely for the best, I'd think.

Yes, yes it is.....

[Rev.Reverence]

Yeah, ideally that would be the case. I am willing to be proven wrong, maybe it could work. I've never done it. Does having a child kill off one's desire for weekend-long benders? I dunno.

...also...that is why in a family it is wise to have 2 parents...

TURNS.