Looks vs personality as opposed to good looks AND personality

[Restless Oblivion]

Something to think about?

Have you ever met someone that you thought was your soul mate, and you got on so perfectly, amazingly and fantastically together.... that if it wasn't for the fact that you didn't find them physically attractive you know that you could spend a hell of a long time together in relationship bliss??

Instead, you settle for friendship, but secretly you know you have found your (almost) perfect match.

I know the situation is often reversed, and you find the person physically attractive, want to have mad crazy sex with them all the time.... but you find them incredibly dull and boring and uninspiring so the relationship doesn't last for very long. Or in my case, as soon as they open their mouth you want to smack their head against the wall because they irritate the hell out of you LMAO

Anyone have any personal experiences of this happening to them and how did you deal with it - or what would you do?? (I know someone will say put a bag over their head and pretend it's Legolas.... or maybe that's just me )

[EnViOuSPoPpEt]

It has happened many times for me.

If I can't see myself attracted to them (attraction for me is both physical and personality) I just don't pursue it. It will save both you and the other party time and emotion. You can't make it work if the spark isn't there. The opening of the mouth is the perfect example of beautiful people once it happens its all over lol.

It's rare to find both in this day and age. Looks do fade over time tough... so if I had to pick one over the other I would pick personality. As far as the head being in a bad.. that bag has to come off eventually it's not permanent lol,

[Restless Oblivion]

Yes those are exactly my thoughts. But so many who haven't been in that situation would say that we would be being shallow!

I still love making 'mind love', that feeling that you're on the same wavelength with another person, the intellectual stimulation and interesting conversations, someone who just gets you and can hold a deep philosophical discussion with you but can also be fun, stupid and silly.

I've always wondered if there comes a point when the physical just stops mattering, and the turn-on comes from the mind? But I've never reached that point myself, the hormones just don't get excited even though my mind is on fire! Damn the biology!

[jynxxxedangel]

This happens to me a lot.

The entire prize package is there, but I have absolutely NO sexual chemistry with the person. What's wrong with me??

[Restless Oblivion]

If you find an answer please let me know!! Maybe it's a woman thing?? *scratches head*

Would be good to hear the male perspective

[jynxxxedangel]

Yeah, why aren't any of the guys replying to this thread? I, too, am curious to hear a man's take on the subject.

[Riku Namako]

at the risk of sounding totally shallow, I'll respond.

yeah, you could hit it off with someone as far as conversation, peronality, like interestests, and those things are concerned. this person could easily become your best friend on top of that, but if you aren't physically attracted to this person, chances are nothing will become of it, even if relationship talk is brought up. I know I know, we've heard the line, use your heart and not your eye, but for cryin out loud, if I met some girl who was everything I would look for inside, but she just didn't physically pique my interests, I couldn't do it. I'd be too busy lookin for the total package as opposed to half the job. but maybe thats just me, I can't settle for what I only want half of. does that make any sence?

read that second to last line again.

[phee]

Well... I guess I am guy like so I will chime in.

This has happened to me where I have met a nice girl, very intelligent, funny, simular interests, etc... and I just could not find myself attracted to her in anyway.

It think its about programing really.... I mean, it is very hard to go: "Wow... she loves that band as much as I do... and she really likes the same books as I do! I really want to suck her breasts and fuck her all night..."

But on the other hand if I look at a girl and go: "Wow... she loves that band as much as I do... and she really likes the same books as I do! And they way she moves, and carries herself is amazing, and her eyes are really intense, and her body looks like the type of things that would send Greeks to war for 10 years... I really want to suck her breasts and fuck her all night..." It just seems to work out better.

Ask my wife... I friggen love her brain, heart.... and OMG her body.... she practically has to throw chihuahua's at me every night just to keep me at bay when it is a bad time.

And this remains true even to old age... IMO... both of you can mature physcially together as well as mentally... and still find the same things.

[peelingchrome]

I'm in total agreement here. If I find someone mentally, emotionally, and spiritually attractive, but they lack the physical appeal, then it's a no-go. I've often thought, "You're neat to talk to, but if I can't get it up then that's as far as it will go." A good friend without sexiness is just a good friend. A good friend WITH sexiness has a chance for something more.

[Black Jack (1)]

If you find an answer please let me know!! Maybe it's a woman thing?? *scratches head*

Would be good to hear the male perspective

This seems like a metaphor of a thread I had some time ago on facade's.

Which is why I hate to sugar coat myself knowing well that the inside is sour take for instance reading "Moby-Dick". Now if you was just going for a long adventure you think it be titled differently (Oh my god I was conned). True meaning of this thread reminds me of a beauty note hence forth " St. Augustine said "Beauty is indeed a good gift of God; but that the good may not think it a great good, God dispenses it even to the wicked".

I for one have always fell for personality don't get me wrong Looks are a great candy for the eye, but someone that can keep you coming back twenty four hours a day is what inspires my biology .

As far as I know you can recollect you memory, but not you physical appearance.

[Hellion]

Personality and then looks,but mostly its the personality.

also personal hygiene is also a must.

[Guest greyhalo]

Personality and then looks,but mostly its the personality.

also personal hygiene is also a must.

I'll take hygiene over looks and personality.

[Ice Queen (1)]

I have met men with both looks and personality that still didn't do it for me. I sometimes wonder why they don't. Luckily, I meet plenty of men with both that do get my engines running. I have also met men I was not initially physically attracted to, that their personality made them sexy to me ,and I just creamed my panties when I was near them.

[jynxxxedangel]

I meet men upon men upon men (hell, lots of different sorts of people in general) , but I'm SO picky..

This little black cat doesn't try and keep house with just anyone. It has to be that KISMET person, this next time around-- no exceptions.

[torn asunder]

sorry, i didn't read thru everything, but i can't honestly say i've ever met "the whole package" nor even a damn close intellectual match. (i must discount the one "perfect match", because she's totally unattainable)

i've resigned myself to meaningless, fun sex at an emotional distance, so when the time comes to part ways, it doesn't kill me. of course, this implies my dying old and alone, but i digress...

[Restless Oblivion]

Well it's good to know that most of you feel the same way as me, there deffinitely has to be that sexual spark to get something going, which usually comes from physical attraction. I guess it is this spark that separates friendships from sexual relationships.

And yes, it is incredibly rare to meet the whole package! And even the times when I thought I have met the whole package my feelings change over time and attraction dissipates. I think it's hard enough to find that person, but even harder to find someone who will grow and change together with you. I believe we meet people that are suitable at any given time in our lives, but we have to accept that the same person may not be the right one ten years down the line because we all change over time.

[Guest Megalicious]

Yes, I have met myself in male from, he is one of my best friends back in CA. It's not that I don't think he is attractive, I swear he's a Don Juan, its just I have more of a brother thing going on with him that doesn't allow me to see him that way. Besides, if we were even in a realationship, we would KILL eachother LOL.

Looks don't matter much to me, but I don't want someone who is just like ME. It would make our relationship boring, and repetitive. I like some one who's different then I am, that can bring new things to the table, get me interested in new things I never even thought I would like so I never even bothered to try.

However the same core values of life must be the same. That is super important.

[Homicidalheathen]

...as i age, become less attractive and all...worn out from the drama that comes with being with a '10' or so...i find myself 'settling' more and more...

soul connection is more important than getting my rocks off in the long run

someone who is really there for me as a friend

I like pretty things...but a bad attitude can ruin the whole night

[hunhee]

Hmm.. well, there are so many people out there, to resign oneself to someone that isn't fitting or suited to you in every way, that would be a waste of time/emotional energy that I seriously don't have (when I say fitting or suited to you, I don't mean you have all things in common, if that happened, things would get mundane).

I believe that personality is THE most important factor to a person, but if they aren't there physically (meaning every time you look at them, you gasp for breath because they are the most gorgeous person you've ever seen in your entire life, and every time you see them again, they blow you away, and when you're with said person, all others are just room fixtures) yeah, that's the type of person that I want, and that's what I want to be to someone. The thing is, if their personality was crappy, I wouldn't find them attractive like this AT ALL!!! (very important key).

I've met several guys that I find mentally exciting, and engaging, but the physical just wasn't there, and I'm not saying sexually, I just mean chemistry. There's a base level of attractiveness that the person has to have in order for me to be engaged in them (I know, shallow, but hey we have to have a line drawn somewhere).

I love it when you are just walking next to them, and any part of them grazes any part of you (not even the sensitive areas) and you lose your breath. You talk to them, and every conversation from what type of washing detergent you use, to the creation of the universe, even if your views aren't the same, is still engaging and mesmerizing, that's what you should be looking for, that's the ideal you should hold tight to. Without the whole package, you will not be truly happy, there will always be a part of you looking for the stuff that's missing (maybe not even consciously).

I know sometimes the journey can be discouraging, and the obstacles are sometimes insurmountable, but the reward will be that much greater if you don't settle. :

[Restless Oblivion]

Hmm.. well, there are so many people out there, to resign oneself to someone that isn't fitting or suited to you in every way, that would be a waste of time/emotional energy that I seriously don't have (when I say fitting or suited to you, I don't mean you have all things in common, if that happened, things would get mundane).

I believe that personality is THE most important factor to a person, but if they aren't there physically (meaning every time you look at them, you gasp for breath because they are the most gorgeous person you've ever seen in your entire life, and every time you see them again, they blow you away, and when you're with said person, all others are just room fixtures) yeah, that's the type of person that I want, and that's what I want to be to someone. The thing is, if their personality was crappy, I wouldn't find them attractive like this AT ALL!!! (very important key).

I've met several guys that I find mentally exciting, and engaging, but the physical just wasn't there, and I'm not saying sexually, I just mean chemistry. There's a base level of attractiveness that the person has to have in order for me to be engaged in them (I know, shallow, but hey we have to have a line drawn somewhere).

I love it when you are just walking next to them, and any part of them grazes any part of you (not even the sensitive areas) and you lose your breath. You talk to them, and every conversation from what type of washing detergent you use, to the creation of the universe, even if your views aren't the same, is still engaging and mesmerizing, that's what you should be looking for, that's the ideal you should hold tight to. Without the whole package, you will not be truly happy, there will always be a part of you looking for the stuff that's missing (maybe not even consciously).

I know sometimes the journey can be discouraging, and the obstacles are sometimes insurmountable, but the reward will be that much greater if you don't settle. :

That was just beautifully said Hunhee!! Yes that's exactly what I'm talking about! I think you've just confirmed for me what I already knew

[EAF (1)]

I don't think there is anything wrong holding out to find the person who fits you not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Overall I would say personality, but yeah if you can't find them sexy it would make it hard to turn it into more than just being friends. However to me sexy is different than to some others...you don't have to be stunningly hot to be sexy.

Another thought on this is the more time you spend with the person who is a perfect friend, the more you have in common over time, the more they are there when you need someone, the more attractive they tend to become. So I would say they would probably stay a good friend but it could change later.

Everyone has someone deserving of them somewhere...

[hunhee]

I don't think there is anything wrong holding out to find the person who fits you not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Overall I would say personality, but yeah if you can't find them sexy it would make it hard to turn it into more than just being friends. However to me sexy is different than to some others...you don't have to be stunningly hot to be sexy.

Another thought on this is the more time you spend with the person who is a perfect friend, the more you have in common over time, the more they are there when you need someone, the more attractive they tend to become. So I would say they would probably stay a good friend but it could change later.

Everyone has someone deserving of them somewhere...

I don't mean stunningly hot to anyone else, just yourself.. that's what I mean by taking your breath away. We all find different things attractive, and we all have hang ups on specific things. I have a huge fetish for hip bones *shrugs* don't ask

....and that last sentiment is right on!

[TygerLili]

Something to think about?

Have you ever met someone that you thought was your soul mate, and you got on so perfectly, amazingly and fantastically together.... that if it wasn't for the fact that you didn't find them physically attractive you know that you could spend a hell of a long time together in relationship bliss??

Instead, you settle for friendship, but secretly you know you have found your (almost) perfect match.

Honestly, no. Looks don't really matter that much to me, and there have been times where I initially didn't think someone was that attractive or my type, then we clicked on a mental level and I started to find myself attracted to them. Also, if I don't have chemistry with someone then I don't give them a second thought as a potential partner. I think "Neat. A new friend who has similar interests to me!" rather than "Darn, I wish I thought he was attractive."

[Head Wreck]

she could have the astetics to die for. but if i'm torn between the beuty of a persons astetics and ruining it on a housebrick its not going to work.

i get hooked on personality 90% of the time.

unfortunatly it means i'm more likely, and have done in the past to be drawn to those who are just simply poison to me due to their personality.

i'm usually the last to notice "this hot chick" everyones drooling over on a night out.

[torn asunder]

That was just beautifully said Hunhee!! Yes that's exactly what I'm talking about! I think you've just confirmed for me what I already knew

that's called the "honeymoon" phase, and it rarely ever lasts - especially if the two people don't continue to grow as individuals, which, more often than not, will lead to a growing apart anyway, and then...

well, you see where i'm going with this... *sigh*

i think i need to go back to europe. there's such a different attitude than there is here, and the personalities seem to have so much more "flavor" & "color". (if that makes any sense...)

or maybe i'm just disenchanted...