Looks vs personality as opposed to good looks AND personality

[Msterbeau]

If you find an answer please let me know!! Maybe it's a woman thing?? *scratches head*

Would be good to hear the male perspective

I totally get what you're saying. One of a few things happens.

A. Total physical turn on until they open their mouth or otherwise do/say something that turns the switch off. Often, though, I "read" people pretty well and though I may have some sense of physical attraction I can tell that they're not someone I'd be interested in. Occasionally I go there sexually, and it might be a fun time but I know it isn't going anywhere emotionally.

B. Fantastic emotional/mental connection but I just can't get past appearance that I'm not attracted to.

C. Some attraction on both levels but not quite enough to get that overwhelming feeling of having found someone REALLY significant. Fizzles out.

D. Great connection on many levels, but for some reason unavailable for long term relationship.

[Msterbeau]

or maybe i'm just disenchanted...

If I'm reading your situation correctly... Probably a good bit of this. Though you may be right about Europe.

[phee]

that's called the "honeymoon" phase, and it rarely ever lasts - especially if the two people don't continue to grow as individuals, which, more often than not, will lead to a growing apart anyway, and then...

well, you see where i'm going with this... *sigh*

i think i need to go back to europe. there's such a different attitude than there is here, and the personalities seem to have so much more "flavor" & "color". (if that makes any sense...)

or maybe i'm just disenchanted...

What really sucks is when it only lasts for one person in the relationship...

[Riku Namako]

I totally get what you're saying. One of a few things happens.

A. Total physical turn on until they open their mouth or otherwise do/say something that turns the switch off. Often, though, I "read" people pretty well and though I may have some sense of physical attraction I can tell that they're not someone I'd be interested in. Occasionally I go there sexually, and it might be a fun time but I know it isn't going anywhere emotionally.

B. Fantastic emotional/mental connection but I just can't get past appearance that I'm not attracted to.

C. Some attraction on both levels but not quite enough to get that overwhelming feeling of having found someone REALLY significant. Fizzles out.

D. Great connection on many levels, but for some reason unavailable for long term relationship.

perfect summary

+tax

[torn asunder]

I totally get what you're saying. One of a few things happens.

A. Total physical turn on until they open their mouth or otherwise do/say something that turns the switch off. Often, though, I "read" people pretty well and though I may have some sense of physical attraction I can tell that they're not someone I'd be interested in. Occasionally I go there sexually, and it might be a fun time but I know it isn't going anywhere emotionally.

B. Fantastic emotional/mental connection but I just can't get past appearance that I'm not attracted to.

C. Some attraction on both levels but not quite enough to get that overwhelming feeling of having found someone REALLY significant. Fizzles out.

D. Great connection on many levels, but for some reason unavailable for long term relationship.

can i get "d" for the block, bob!?

[Restless Oblivion]

I totally get what you're saying. One of a few things happens.

A. Total physical turn on until they open their mouth or otherwise do/say something that turns the switch off. Often, though, I "read" people pretty well and though I may have some sense of physical attraction I can tell that they're not someone I'd be interested in. Occasionally I go there sexually, and it might be a fun time but I know it isn't going anywhere emotionally.

B. Fantastic emotional/mental connection but I just can't get past appearance that I'm not attracted to.

C. Some attraction on both levels but not quite enough to get that overwhelming feeling of having found someone REALLY significant. Fizzles out.

D. Great connection on many levels, but for some reason unavailable for long term relationship.

Yep yep exactly! It's just never easy is it lol

And yes it's also frustrating when one person gets the connection and the other doesn't as Phee pointed out!

[Head Wreck]

as i said many times before. things are only as complicated as people make them

[Reaper]

as i said many times before. things are only as complicated as people make them

Yeah, I think that if everyone were to wait for the so-called "One" that no one would be having relationships. Lots of people think they have the "one" until a day that comes when all hell breaks loose and they break things apart. But I too, need that physical attraction to be with someone, otherwise what is the point in having a relationship only to see it work like a mormon duty?

[Simon Bar Sinister]

This happens to me a lot.

The entire prize package is there, but I have absolutely NO sexual chemistry with the person. What's wrong with me??

That's not something wrong - it's something right.

[Msterbeau]

And yes it's also frustrating when one person gets the connection and the other doesn't as Phee pointed out!

THAT is the understatement of the year. It's hard not to feel some measure of guilt (or however you care to term it) because this perfectly decent person throws themselves at you and you can't return the feelings. I've had this happen after a few weeks of initial attraction on my part. I start to realize that there are things that aren't working for me between us and call a halt. Man I hate that. It's a lot easier to not be attracted in the first place. Then there aren't attachments formed and there's no emotional pains to work through.

Maybe I'll just stay here in my little apartment in Japan and hide.

[Shade Everdark]

THAT is the understatement of the year. It's hard not to feel some measure of guilt (or however you care to term it) because this perfectly decent person throws themselves at you and you can't return the feelings. I've had this happen after a few weeks of initial attraction on my part. I start to realize that there are things that aren't working for me between us and call a halt. Man I hate that. It's a lot easier to not be attracted in the first place. Then there aren't attachments formed and there's no emotional pains to work through.

Maybe I'll just stay here in my little apartment in Japan and hide.

If you do that you'll never get molested by cute Japanese high school girls.

It happened to me, it can happen to you too! And best of all, no commitments! Heh heh heh....

[Msterbeau]

If you do that you'll never get molested by cute Japanese high school girls.

It happened to me, it can happen to you too! And best of all, no commitments! Heh heh heh....

Oh yeah. On the other hand, the likelyhood is that I'll molest them, not the other way around.

[Ice Queen (1)]

Maybe I'll just stay here in my little apartment in Japan and hide.

ya, sure you will

and I'll just go abstinent again

As to what happens regularly, I am so sick of "A" that good looks rarely even phase me anymore until I get a sense of personality, I get a lot of "C" . It's the "D" thing that is so frustrating. I know what a rarity it is that a man is strong and confident enough to be able to handle the full me, and dynamic enough for me to want him to, that when I meet someone that seems to have that potential, but for whatever reason, cannot pursue it, it makes me want to scream.... Ok, so it's only happened once, but even that is near miraculous.

[eleven]

I totally get what you're saying. One of a few things happens.

A. Total physical turn on until they open their mouth or otherwise do/say something that turns the switch off. Often, though, I "read" people pretty well and though I may have some sense of physical attraction I can tell that they're not someone I'd be interested in. Occasionally I go there sexually, and it might be a fun time but I know it isn't going anywhere emotionally.

B. Fantastic emotional/mental connection but I just can't get past appearance that I'm not attracted to.

C. Some attraction on both levels but not quite enough to get that overwhelming feeling of having found someone REALLY significant. Fizzles out.

D. Great connection on many levels, but for some reason unavailable for long term relationship.

I concur!...stupid stupid D.....I tend to go for personality alot...i mean then i also kinda like em stockier body shape...pretty Mouth..? and nice eyes that i can look into for hours...blah blah blah.....

[Msterbeau]

I concur!...stupid stupid D.....I tend to go for personality alot...i mean then i also kinda like em stockier body shape...pretty Mouth..? and nice eyes that i can look into for hours...blah blah blah.....

Men have pretty mouths?

[eleven]

Men have pretty mouths?

Lol...hence why i put the ? lol its the way its shaped...the way the teeth fit the lips...and of course if they kiss good? i dont know how to splain it

[Daevion]

Surprisingly I read the entire thread, which is rare, usually I gloss over most of them.

Relationships are a funny thing....multi-variable really. If you normally need a physical component than its best not to altar it too much...mental components are important as well. If your relationship equation needs two variables than its best not to try and solve for one leaving you with one unsolved variable, which leads to a something missing feeling...which is bad in the long run. Short term is usually easier with a missing variable so if your someone who likes to try new things than I say go for it. All that crap being said....in the end friendships can be long lasting and very rewarding....so if that one component is missing....than why not leave it as is and stay friends?

...my kitty Azrael says hi and is walking on my keyboard right now.

[Msterbeau]

Lol...hence why i put the ? lol its the way its shaped...the way the teeth fit the lips...and of course if they kiss good? i dont know how to splain it

Ju esplained it OK.

[Reaper]

Surprisingly I read the entire thread, which is rare, usually I gloss over most of them.

Relationships are a funny thing....multi-variable really. If you normally need a physical component than its best not to altar it too much...mental components are important as well. If your relationship equation needs two variables than its best not to try and solve for one leaving you with one unsolved variable, which leads to a something missing feeling...which is bad in the long run. Short term is usually easier with a missing variable so if your someone who likes to try new things than I say go for it. All that crap being said....in the end friendships can be long lasting and very rewarding....so if that one component is missing....than why not leave it as is and stay friends?

...my kitty Azrael says hi and is walking on my keyboard right now.

OMG! Dr Phil, where have you been all my life! lol

[Reaper]

If you do that you'll never get molested by cute Japanese high school girls.

It happened to me, it can happen to you too! And best of all, no commitments! Heh heh heh....

Yeah, you need to find yourself one of those cute Ringu or Grudge horror chics while you are in Japan. That would be so goth.

[Restless Oblivion]

Surprisingly I read the entire thread, which is rare, usually I gloss over most of them.

Relationships are a funny thing....multi-variable really. If you normally need a physical component than its best not to altar it too much...mental components are important as well. If your relationship equation needs two variables than its best not to try and solve for one leaving you with one unsolved variable, which leads to a something missing feeling...which is bad in the long run. Short term is usually easier with a missing variable so if your someone who likes to try new things than I say go for it. All that crap being said....in the end friendships can be long lasting and very rewarding....so if that one component is missing....than why not leave it as is and stay friends?

...my kitty Azrael says hi and is walking on my keyboard right now.

Hello Mr Daevion, glad to have got you out of the woodwork hehe

Yes I agree there, because whether it be shallow or not, there is no way I can pursue a sexual relationship with someone I just don't find attractive no matter how much their mind/personality turns me on.

And it's not so much about looking for perfection - it's about going with your inner instinct. And getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't quite 'fit' your levels of desirability will in the long run mean you become more and more unhappy and start looking elsewhere.... and temptation to cheat starts to become more and more appealing! People get hurt

[Head Wreck]

+1

physical attraction is the bodys mechanism of finding a suitibly healthy mate, to be my usual cold and clinical self

[Miranda]

Personality is more important to me than basing everything on physical appearance though there has to be a sexual attraction for me toward them on a pure chemical/physical level because sexuality is a major component in any relationship. There also has to be much more going for you than just sexuality. There has to be respect, loyalty and honesty.

Some people could care less about sex because I know people who don't have sex who are still very much in love with their mates and partners, it just isn't a number one priority any longer for whatever reason. It also depends on exactly what you are looking for.

If you just want a one night stand, of course, most of the things I previously mentioned probably would not matter since it's just being done for sexual release and not much else. Personally, I can't have sex with a person whom I don't have feelings for. I am not saying I have to be married to them or their girlfriend but there has to be mutual respect because sex isn't a game in my book. It can come with a severe price tag and I'm not willing to get a disease or contract something that can effect me for the rest of my life just because I needed to get off.

I don't judge people who have one night stands, it's their personal choice, not mine. It will also be their sole consequence should anything ever go wrong. I can only hope they are wise when having these liaisons because we know condoms do not protect you from everything and condoms do tear. Fucking is great just be safe!

[Nienna]

The main post is the story of my life. IF they are attracted to me (not often) I'm not attracted to them. If I want them, it's usually a "you're not my type" kind of thing. It's really frustrating and makes me feel rather troll like. I've pretty much resigned myself to permanant singlehood.

[torn asunder]

The main post is the story of my life. IF they are attracted to me (not often) I'm not attracted to them. If I want them, it's usually a "you're not my type" kind of thing. It's really frustrating and makes me feel rather troll like. I've pretty much resigned myself to permanant singlehood.

ditto... welcome to the club.