I just don't understand women

[Paint it Black]

I was set up on a blind date this past Saturday by one o fmy best friends and his wife. I was supposed to be meeting this girl who they have rather recently met. She is recently divorced like me and single parent of a toddler boy like me. She is also recently out of hte Air Force where she used to work on B-1 engines

Anyways, she was very nice and I was certainly interested in getting to know her more. She was short (which I like) and very cute. We really had a lot in common.

So what we do first is the four of us eat dinner and drink some beer at my friends house. Then another couple shows up and drink more.

Then the other couple splits and its just the four of us again. My friend suggests we go to a party. We go and stay there for an hour then leave because it sucked.

We hop a couple of bars downtown till 2am then the four of us head back to the house to drink a little more. Friends wife pukes then passes out. So its the three of us now and we play a drinking game for a little bit.

At this point, things are going very well. I had danced with this girl in a very sexually suggestive manner at one of the bars earlier and we keep making strange eye contact all night.

My friend finally decides to go to bed and the girl I was meeting invites me outside for a cig before she goes to bed (she has a long drive home so she decided to crash at this house.)

I smoke with her and make small talk and finally move in for the kiss, which is accepted and graciously returned. I don't know how we ended up in the extra bedroom but we did and needless to say we were up for the rest of the night and did not part company until the crack of dawn (her name is not dawn, BTW).

:grin

Anyways, I was stoked at the outcome of this affair to say the least. But the problem is I dont know quite how to read her since then. I have talked with her on the phone once and we played in a two softball games together last night. Aftewr the game we talked and our kids met each other, I invited her out to eat sometime in the near future to get to know each other some more either with or without the kids. She said she was busy this week but would get back to me (bad sign to me, but I'm the paranoid type).

Earleir on the phone she had said that we had moved too fast (which is true) and that she wanted to get to know me. She also said that since she was going to be going back to school in the fall she didnt want to get into anything serious (another bad sign for me) with someone she would have to see every day or every other day. I told her that, being in a very similar situation I understood that.

But my idea is to find a person I can do things with, movies, dinner, parties, whatever, occasionally. I don;'t want another wife so soon. But I'm also totally fed up with dealing with "dating" or whatever. I would like to see what could happen with this woman.

So, I know none of you hear know me for shit, but I have read some of the advise you give and it usually seems solid. I will especially implore the ladies of the forum to help me out in deciphering the ways of this most foul temptress.

Did going to fast sink the ship before it left port?

[float]

not necessarily

but you could sink it NOW by still pushing the issue

don't keep it going fast, let her set the pace

my friend ust had a similar situation

he was so eager to have a girl, he sorta oushed too hard for her

I'm not saying that you are doing that

but it's something to think about

remember every situation is different, and each person is different

[Paint it Black]

not necessarily

but you could sink it NOW by still pushing the issue

don't keep it going fast, let her set the pace

my friend ust had a similar situation

he was so eager to have a girl, he sorta oushed too hard for her

I'm not saying that you are doing that

but it's something to think about

remember every situation is different, and each person is different

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is very sound advice. I am the type who could push too hard if I see something I like.

I will have to try and remember not to do that.

I need to write it on my hamnd. Shit, I should probably tatoo it to my forearm:

Reminder: Vinny, You're pushing too hard!

[brise]

Well, being one of the female population, and been there done that...I would say too fast, too soon. Hey some women run when a guy is too pushy, I think it depends on the woman......but me, I like a man who cares enough to keep in contact...by phone or in person...that could be just me!

I personally would have loved the attention after the night of (ahem) wild passion, which is something no one should take lightly. But, if you called after someone must have been doing something right and thought "Hey we connected on some level," but that's just me!

Women are sometimes hard to understand, but so are men!!!

Kudos for being a single parent!!!

[saechalyn]

Did going to fast sink the ship before it left port?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's possible, but not necessarily. As float said, I'd say your best bet is to back off, and let her set the pace. She said she would get back to you, and I would advise you to wait for her to do so. If you're too eager to prove to her that you don't want to go too fast either, you'll end up shooting yourself in the foot. Good luck!

[Scary Guy]

I can understand her not wanting to get into anything before school since she was in the air force and not that I have any info to go on but maybe that distance from her former husband is why she's now divorced.

I also agree with everyone here about giving her her space (but not too much, you don't want her to think you don't care enough to at least keep contact).

Since she was in the air force you have to deal with that military mentality too. Not to mention a single parent. I'm sure she's a very indipendant, self-reliant type of person.

Then again what do I know, yeah thats right, nothing.

BTW did anyone else think of Momento when he mentioned the tattoo he should get on his hand?

[Homicidalheathen]

Just take it slow dude.

Sounds like she doesn't want her mind distracted at this point in her life....

And maybe she was hurt......

Patience if she is worth it and it was ment to be.....

[Homicidalheathen]

Oh and as far as understanding us.....whats not to understand?

I know I am married...but the line she handed you? I just got that from a guy.

Same excuse....too fast....school.....ect.....we are not so different. Human.

[Paint it Black]

Well, after speaking with her last night I have better about the situation. I think my problem is I always try to imagine how SHE is thinking when that is nnearly impossible for me to do correctly, since I don't understand how a woman thinks.

Anyways, we are on the same softball team so I will see her this evening. But the advice given here is good, I will try my hardest to remember to play it cool, interested but not too interested.

I've always figured that in these types of situations, less is more. I just rarely follow my own advice.

After the first night I wanted to make sure she realized that I did care about her and wasnt just going to chalk it up as a one nighter. We have way too much in common, for the most part, for me to do that.

[Mar_Fire]

Hmmm advice on this.... ok ill give it a whril (actually used to doing this by now)

Yes you did move to fast. but hey **** happens.

It seems to me right now she is kind of avoiding spending alone time with you.

Call her once in awhile if you want, but not often. You dont want to seem desperate for her attention... or stalkerish.

Start talking to other girls. Not on dating terms but as friends. So you have girls you can go places with and party with. Without having to deal with that whole "commiment" issue.

[Paint it Black]

Hmmm advice on this.... ok ill give it a whril (actually used to doing this by now)

Yes you did move to fast. but hey **** happens.

WE moved too fast. It was a mutual thing. :D

It seems to me right now she is kind of avoiding spending alone time with you.

Yea, it did kind of seem that way. But it should be noted this just happened on Saturday and today is only Tuesday. After speaking with her last night I have a much better feeling about the situation.

Start talking to other girls. Not on dating terms but as friends. So you have girls you can go places with and party with. Without having to deal with that whole "commiment" issue.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Right on. I have been and do have many chick friends who I can hang out with.

Thanks.

[soothsayer]

This is what webster has to say.

One entry found for woman.

Main Entry: wom·an

Pronunciation: 'wu-m&n, esp Southern 'wO- or 'w&-

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural wom·en /'wi-m&n/

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English wIfman, from wIf woman, wife + man human being, man

1 a : an adult female person b : a woman belonging to a particular category (as by birth, residence, membership, or occupation) -- usually used in combination <councilwoman>

2 : WOMANKIND

3 : distinctively feminine nature : WOMANLINESS

4 : a female servant or personal attendant

5 a chiefly dialect : WIFE b : MISTRESS c : GIRLFRIEND 2

- woman adjective

- wom·an·less /-l&s/ adjective

Doesn't sound like any woman I've dated. I'm just dating the wrong kind of women. :whistling

[Paint it Black]

She went to dinner with me after the softball games last night. We talked for over an hour and she kissed me goodnight.

After we parted, though, I started thinking that maybe she just kissed me just to homur me. Then I thought, there you go again.

So, again, trying to keep it cool and go with the flow. It's hard to play it cool, though, when you like someone and I am liking her more and more I get to know her.

[Onyx]

After we parted, though, I started thinking that maybe she just kissed me just to homur me. Then I thought, there you go again.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Personally I hever NEVER kissed a man just to humor them.

She must like you!

[Paint it Black]

Personally I hever NEVER kissed a man just to humor them. 

She must like you!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:woot:

I hope you are rght!

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

the only advice on women I would give is that you are better off finding one that matches you than trying to get one that is convienient....

find someone you mesh with in as many ways as possible, not someone who is just "around".

[wheresmypiggy]

Sounds like she is testing you.

She sounds slightly insecure. You two spent the night together the first night. Ultimate way for a woman to express power over a relationship.

Sex.

Now it seems she is baiting you to either move faster or slow down. You won't know. She won't let on.

Its an insecurity thing. Just keep it cool. Act like friends. Let what happens happen. Don't bring up hooking up or anything like that. Act like its a friends with benefits relationship.

Just my opinion.

[Paint it Black]

Ah, thanks. A Woman's way of thinking is so bizarre. I never would have thought of it like that.

But what you said certainly makes sense and that could be part of the reason.

[brise]

Ah, thanks. A Woman's way of thinking is so bizarre. I never would have thought of it like that.

But what you said certainly makes sense and that could be part of the reason.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you are doing a good job of hanging back and seeing what will happen, ok some of us women are bizarre , but we are so darn cute! You sound like a nice guy, be careful!

Hang in there, if it is meant to be, it will be!!!!!

:grin

[Paint it Black]

Thanks Brise.

You girls and guys rok for the advice. I really appreciate it and I will keep yall informed of the situation.

[Paint it Black]

update:

I asked her out last Friday to go out with me Saturday and she declined. I asked her if me calling her made her uncomfortable but she said 'no, it's not you, it's not you at all.'

well, okay....

So I have no spoke to her since, though I have been thinking about her just about every day. Wondering (hoping) she would call me, but she hasn't.

There could be other reasons for her not calling than the obvious, but they are too long and drawn out to get into here.

Anyways, I have not called her intentionally. But I plan to call her on Thursday and see if she wants to go out sometime this weekend.

This shit is still driving me crazy. But at this point, I pretty much think she's turned off by the sex to fast thing and thats going to be about the end of it. So, we'll see what happens...

[Guest Game of Chance]

update:

I asked her out last Friday to go out with me Saturday and she declined. I asked her if me calling her made her uncomfortable but she said 'no, it's not you, it's not you at all.'

well, okay....

So I have no spoke to her since, though I have been thinking about her just about every day. Wondering (hoping) she would call me, but she hasn't.

There could be other reasons for her not calling than the obvious, but they are too long and drawn out to get into here.

Anyways, I have not called her intentionally. But I plan to call her on Thursday and see if she wants to go out sometime this weekend.

This shit is still driving me crazy. But at this point, I pretty much think she's turned off by the sex to fast thing and thats going to be about the end of it. So, we'll see what happens...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Honestly bro, my advice:

move on. If she wants you, she's got the number. There are so many cool, attractive women out there, why waste your time with someone who plays games?

I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's playing you. If she calls you, tell her you're busy, that you have something else going on. If she wants you, she'll pursue you, much like the way you are now pursuing her.

If you absolutely can't move on then...

Don't ask her out like "hey, do you want to hang out with me?"

Tell her, "I'm going to do this, do you want to come?"

Either way, good luck.

[Paint it Black]

heh.... that's what I was thinking.

I think I'm gonna approach it that way. I always have a hard time turning the tables on women, but I think that's because I am totally intimidated by them.

Usually when I sleep with a woman, the intimidation factor drops to almost nill and I feel much more empowered, but that was before I got together with my now ex-wife, which was almost 7 years ago.

So, basically, I've been thrown off of my game. But I definantly think that you're way is the way to go at this point.

Fuck the game...

Thanks.

[Guest Game of Chance]

Fuck the game..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hey wait a minute...oh you said fuck the game :blink ...not fuck game of chance...my bad :grin

not a problem, man.

[Paint it Black]

Freudian Slip, maybe? :doh

:grin