Being a gentleman vs. Being Obsessive

[An_Incomplete_heart]

Yet again another post about love and dating from the Imcomplete one. I've noticed through my years of dating that when I try to do even the simplest gentleman action ( opening the car door for them ) I get the funniest look or I get that I can do it myself sneer. At one time it wqas just accepted that you brought girls flowers on a date...even if it is a first one. Now if you do that your coming on to strong. When I tell a girl to call me after she gets home just to make sure I know she got home okay I get called obsessed...Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong or is my brain just screwed up

[Head Wreck]

i'd like an answer to that too.

were in the same boat it seems

[paradox]

we're all fucked dude. dont try an figure em out, youll just go mad. :grin

[Jarodaka]

Maybe it's because dating has become a much less formal thing?

Maybe women are so focused on proving they can be self-sufficient that even the smallest gesture of gentlemanly behavior is seen as offensive?

I've gotten the same reaction, too. I'd randomly guess my track record is 50/50 when it comes to things like opening the door, getting flowers, lighting smokes, etc.

[holliwood66]

I like all that "old fashioned" type stuff. I guess it depends on the gal. *shrugs*

Then again, if a prospective suitor started to act like I was "his wee little helpless lady" it would be time to move on.

[paradox]

see what i mean... :innocent

[Head Wreck]

dont get me wrong. i hate docile women. i like women who can knock me on my ass if i step out of line.

but i was also brought up with manners drilled into me

[Onyx]

Everyone is different, but personally I feel that flowers on a first date would seem like a little too much. A single flower on a second or third date would seem more appropriate, and save the boquets for a bit later. Anticipation is a good thing I think.

The opening door thing is appreciated, but then I tend to open doors too when I get there first.

[Msterbeau]

I'm a door opening fool. *shrugs*

[Marblez]

Do wat you are going to do. If you were raised to treat a woman a certain way, do that. Don't put on facades that will eventually wear away as you get used to eachother - that does both of you a disservice.

Now, look at the type of women you pick up - and their ages. The youngr they are, the more likely that they have NOT experienced this before and look at you weird.

I tell you what... I had a first date where the guy asked me to call him so he knew I was home alright and I loved it. That led to another 4 hours of conversation after the date and eventually to a relationship... This relationship was full of him opening and closing doors for me (even opening and closing my car door). Recently, though we are not a couple anymore - we went for some coffee and he growled at me as I was leading him out "damnit girl. what kind of hoodlums have you been dating that don't open doors for you?".

A few weeks ago, I went for pizza with a certain highly ranking male member from DGN - and trust me, it was not a romantic thing - and even HE insisted on opening doors for me.

So anyway, yeah, big bonus points for some of us. BUT don't do it unless you are going to keep doing it!!!

[Guest Game of Chance]

Yet again another post about love and dating from the Imcomplete one.  I've noticed through my years of dating that when I try to do even the simplest gentleman action ( opening the car door for them ) I get the funniest look or I get that I can do it myself sneer.  At one time it wqas just accepted that you brought girls flowers on a date...even if it is a first one.  Now if you do that your coming on to strong.  When I tell a girl to call me after she gets home just to make sure I know she got home okay I get called obsessed...Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong or is my brain just screwed up

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have a friend who has a rule. He never opens doors, buys drinks, anything. Until they've had sex. Once they've had sex, then its different. But until then, no way. Its not really my style, but it seems to work pretty well for him.

[gothicmom]

I think a man should open or hold a door open for a lady all of the time. If I'm at a store and a man lets the door go I get very offened. Like I'm not worthy or lady enough to be respected. My dad has always opened/held doors for my mother and I. Bishop has done the same and has taught aymee that she should allow a man to open doors for her. Now he teaches my son that he should get the door. So he runs ahead to punch the wheel chair button to make the door open for us!

Flowers are great. I would welcome flowers on a first date and if a guy wanted to make sure I made it home saftly then I would feel that he cared enough about me.

[damagedangel]

I too feel that little acts of gentlemanlyness (lol I like to make up words) are greatly appreciated. However, some men can take the little acts too the extreme. Don't make me feel that I can't do something for myself, because I had been doing it by myself up until I met you, and I can certainly continue.

[saechalyn]

Unfortunately, in this day and age, there are still quite a few men out there who believe that, instead of a mutually pleasurable expression of attraction and caring, sex is something that a woman "owes" a man if he jumps through all the proper hoops. I have heard men complain "I don't know what I did wrong, I paid for dinner, opened all the doors and all that crap, and she wouldn't even blow me." If the woman you're with is reacting negatively to your (innocent, of course) gestures, chances are she's had a negative experience with one whose intentions were not so kind. Or maybe that's just her personality. Not all women like flowers! It can be as simple as that.

For me it all comes down to sincerity. Small gestures done out of simple kindness and consideration are wonderful. But if someone does it because "I am on a date and this is how I am supposed to act on a date" then it's really annoying.

[An_Incomplete_heart]

The things I do for Females ( old, young, skinny, fat, hairy, bald...you get it) are not because I want something out of just because I was raised to respect women and make them feel special because you never know if someone never did. The older ladies I open the doors for get the biggest kick out of me opening the door and wishing them a good day, and social secruity checks aside I don't get anything from them except a good feeling inside.

[Reaper]

Screw that. If she thinks that way, she isn't worth dating. She is too hostile in nature and probably doesn't want anything done for her at all on purpose.

[Nienna]

I really appreciate that sort of stuff. It's refreshing to me... but then I'm a romantic.. and oldfashioned.

[TomCat]

Chivalry isnt dead, the appeaciation of it is. I, until very recently, extended every courtesy to my dates that was conceivable. But as the efforts went unappreciated, I decided it was time to sell the white horse, melt the shining armor, and head for the hills.

[Shade Everdark]

Forget being a gentleman.

Misanthropy is the new chivalry!

(You will note I said misanthrophy, not misogyny. Thus, you may be a jerk to other men as well! Equal Opportunity jerkness, that's what I'm all about.)

[saechalyn]

The things I do for Females ( old, young, skinny, fat, hairy, bald...you get it)  are not because I want something out of just because I was raised to respect women and make them feel special because you never know if someone never did.  The older ladies I open the doors for get the biggest kick out of me opening the door and wishing them a good day, and social secruity checks aside I don't get anything from them except a good feeling inside.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wasn't implying that you were, I was just saying she may have encountered that attitude in the past and it has made her mistrustful of those behaviors.

[Steven]

Aw man, just respect her , LISTEN to her, and you'll quickly find out what she digs. If in so doing you're then moved to be "gentlemenly" and she takes it wrong, call her on it (but dont be a dick) - she owes you a degree of mutual respect as well. If she's worth her salt, you'll both be fine and you've both learned something about one another.

But is she still takes issue, then walk.

I personally like a woman who is self sufficient, yet can still let me in once she trusts me (an earned thing mind you). And if she's got a healthy sense of humour and an adventurous spirit, she can roll with just about anything. I like them boobies too......

Steven

[TomCat]

On A Personal Note:

I'm sick as fuck of dealing with other peoples fuckin' garbage. Next biotch that shits on me because her ex was a fuck is getting a stiff drink in her eye, she's picking up the fuckin' tab, paying me my billable hourly rate. I'm not a therapist, I didn't sleep in a freaking Holiday Inn last night, and I'm not doing free therapy for chicks with "issues" anymore. Fuck that, the carriage it rode in on, and the sister of the chick that cries to me about her past.

This has been an opinionated rant by Yours Truly.

You may continue as you were.

[soothsayer]

Chivalry is dying a slow and embarrassing death. Nice guys do finish last (if at all) and if a woman meets a guy that treats her like a princess she shouldn't shit on his efforts. *cough cough hint hint*

[Msterbeau]

On A Personal Note:

  I'm sick as fuck of dealing with other peoples fuckin' garbage.  Next biotch that shits on me because her ex was a fuck is getting a stiff drink in her eye,  she's picking up the fuckin' tab, paying me my billable hourly rate.  I'm not a therapist, I didn't sleep in a freaking Holiday Inn last night, and I'm not doing free therapy for chicks with "issues" anymore.  Fuck that, the carriage it rode in on, and the sister of the chick that cries to me about her past.

This has been an opinionated rant by Yours Truly.

You may continue as you were.

I'm going to take up a collection to buy you a punching bag and some gloves. You get to keep it until you: A. Get rid of that evil cloud hanging over your head or: B. Beat the stuffing outta the bag... :woot:

[paradox]

ive missed you TC. :grin

so about that beer...