Do Looks Matter?

[JaneDead]

dork. i did say that though. dork.

[JaneDead]

oh and i believe that i have mentioned that i like no hair. long hair. crazy hair. something like that so i would never even say anything bad about not having hair.

[Scary Guy]

Maybe you should reevaluate your opinions and you may find that you're not an asshole at all.

You may be right, but I was 1/2 joking anyhow. I am an asshole but only when necessary. However I'm not one to rework or rethink much, unless I'm shown proof that I am in fact wrong.

I may not be an asshole but it is a fact that I'm a tactless SOB almost void of emotion.

[Hermine]

I think that looks do have a de facto impact. My "new" boi, well, when I met him, yeah, his looks were the first thing I noticed. Well, they would be, wouldn't they? Besides the fact that I didn't know what a sweet, wise, intelligent person he was when I first met him, he has the sort of looks you noticed. You know, enormous brown eyes, a double set of eyelashes, a nice, tight, flat belly, and legs from here to next Solstice. So they did provide some of the initial impetus to get to know him when a friend introduced us, but he wouldn't be my boi if he didn't have more on the ground than great legs. He's probably as smart as I am and, not to sound arrogant (it's just statistically true and a fact I have to deal with), that's really rare. He's one of the wisest people I know, lots of people turn to him. He's incredibly sweet, and a talented musician.

I've also dated people who were very far from that ideal. That's actually rarely much of a problem. I mean, I think that some things are beyond what I could find attractive, but generally, I really do find that there are different kinds of beauty. Not just that I don't have just one look, coloration, or body type. I've dated a beautiful blonde guy and and beautiful Black guy at the same time in my poly days. The one preference, and it has more to do with personality and...umm...err....weeelllll.....level of personal experience, is for men in their thirties.

I've also dated guys who were pretty and dumb. Wow, the most physically beautiful guy I've ever dated didn't last two weeks. Another only lasted a couple months. In both cases the relationships ended as soon as I figured out they weren't any smarter than they looked.

So, looks do have some de facto impact on the people I end up with, but they aren't nearly as important as brains.

[Brenda Starrr]

I've also dated guys who were pretty and dumb

Oh boy. Been there, done that. I can't handle having to explain everything. I have kids that are smarter than some adults, for Pete's sake!

[Fierce Critter]

First off, I've been on both sides of this issue. Been on the cruddy, depressing side of "looks matter" because I'm fat and have the sad, sparse relationship history that bears this ugly truth out. Nice bone structure, great facial features. But, as my grandmother (the bitch) used to say, "Such a beautiful face, such a fat body."

Contrarily been on that same "looks matter" side because though I've been a victim of that myself, I am attracted to a certain body type in a man - and it's generally skinny. Glass houses...

I have, however, met guys who would honestly be considered unattractive, even ugly, either through blind dates, classified ads, or just via group friendships who I became VERY attracted to once we were thrown together by circumstance. So I generally agree with Dyno, Ginevra and others who say you become attracted to those who you find inwardly attractive.

Also been on the "looks DON'T matter side" in that I met my husband of 6 years online, sharing only the most flattering pictures of myself. I had told him I didn't want to meet him personally until I lost weight. But we DID meet before I lost weight, and my being fat didn't matter one bit.

Also, just as Brenda said: "No matter how shitty I look, how sick I am, how premenstrual....he loves me and tells me I'm hot", that's VERY true of our relationship - he's always attracted to me, even at my worst. (FYI: My husband would overall be considered good-looking, even attractive. I've even had the experience of having some ho say, "your boyfriend's hot" when we were at the beach once, so I'm not just seeing inward beauty in him.)

That said, this sort of "even at my worst he finds me hot" evidence disproves your "You people who are not placing any value on physical beauty are missing out on something that those of us who do are" statement, Black Sunday. WE'RE not missing out on anything - we're finding it where YOU might not.

On the other hand, that sort of "he always finds me hot" thing nevertheless is a bone of contention for me with my husband. I never bother asking him how I look when getting all dolled-up for a special occasion. If he can find me attractive in a stained, ripped t-shirt, grubby sweat pants, stringy unkept hair, no make-up and just overall heinous, it kinda ruins things when it comes to his opinion of me when I might be feeling especially "hot".

There is a certain type I'm attracted to (well, WAS attracted to, before I met my husband. : ). I like guys who are thin, long hair, nice eyes, nice smile, even, dare I say, vaguely effeminate. I managed to luck out and bag a guy who was ALL of the above. Part of me wonders if my "attraction" wasn't more of a "premonition" of who I would end up with in this life.

But in any case, there ARE certain physical attributes that I find much more attractive than others. If you stood an ugly person and an attractive person in a room, with NO clue as to their personality whatsoever, I'd be lying, and I think MOST people would be lying, if they said they'd go for the ugly person over the attractive person. I DO believe that looks matter.

But I think the percentage of HOW MUCH looks matter to a person is a gauge of that person's own personality.

[Brenda Starrr]

VERY well said, FC!

[torn asunder]

far as i'm concerned, looks are very important - to me. not society's idea of beauty, necessarily, but mine. if i'm not attracted to someone, no matter how great a person they are, or how well we get along, it won't last. (for me) i know i want that physical intensity, lust, even, in my relationship, and i also know i'm a very visual guy, and "looks", appearance, rates high for me. fortunately for me, i find beauty in many different forms, styles, personalities, etc, so attitude will play an important part in attraction, too. (within a ceratin range) of course, it also depends on the intent of the "relationship" - dating, or even friends w/benefits? slightly different story, but i digress... :ermm: :whistling:

[Scary Guy]

So, looks do have some de facto impact on the people I end up with, but they aren't nearly as important as brains.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not to stray off topic too much but....

BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

www.brains4zombies.com

[LuluVox]

A jerk once said to me "Guys operate on a physical level, and women operate on an emotional level. That's why you're able to overlook all of my flaws!"

I still regret not slapping him for that.

[Brenda Starrr]

I sooooooo would have kicked him. NOBODY is that hot that I can just overlook personality flaws. It has never happened, and never will. What an ass!

[LuluVox]

Yeah, he was pretty jerky. I'm such a jerk magnet, it's not even funny.

But... I dunno.

[phee]

To answer the question: Do looks matter? Yes.

It matters how he looks at me across the room.

It matters how he looks at me across the table.

It matters how he looks at me first thing in the morning.

It matters how he looks at me when I get dolled up and even when I am sick.

Yup!!!!

[Brenda Starrr]

I'm such a jerk magnet, it's not even funny.

We must have been separated at birth, then. So many jerks, so little patience.

[LuluVox]

People just ain't no good.

[phee]

Well... I don't know about people being jerk magnets.... I know a lot of guys are jerks (Either on purpose, or as an accident like me) maybe you don't attract jerks so much as that there are just so many out there, that it is hard to not attract them.

[Brenda Starrr]

they'll drop you like a sack of bricks for the next hotter piece of ass

That's happened to me before. The grass isn't always greener.

[phee]

I don't think you should use grass unless you have a "medical" reason for it.

[Brenda Starrr]

Not only do I hope the grass ain't any greener, but that it's also full of dog shit

ROFL!!!! I'm with you, st_masey!

I don't think you should use grass unless you have a "medical" reason for it

Drugs are bad, mmmkay.

[LuluVox]

Well... I don't know about people being jerk magnets.... I know a lot of guys are jerks (Either on purpose, or as an accident like me) maybe you don't attract jerks so much as that there are just so many out there, that it is hard to not attract them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you're probably right about that. And of course I'm making a sweeping generalization when I say things like that; it's hard to be specific on a messageboard, I guess. And I don't mean to sound so 'woe is me' about it. I do know a ton of really good and sweet people. I just don't date any of those people.

I can be quite the jerk myself sometimes, too. Sometimes it just happens.

I think that's well understood

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You can see it everywhere you look! (I'm digging that record out now)

[Black Sunday]

ver 1.5

[Brenda Starrr]

LMAO

[JaneDead]

dork

[DisturbedMania]

I'm guessing HOTT as a typical day in Antarctica? (jk)

[Hermine]

I think his argument is that it makes him deep. Can't you tell how deep he is? He is so deep that we don't get how deep he is because we're not hot. See, all it takes is a little insight.

Oh, and ScaryGuy's "BRAINS" comment made me actually and literally laugh out loud :laughing: