Once you eat the honey

[Jarodaka]

He all of a sudden didn't approve of my job. Mainly because he thought I should be spending every waking momnet with him.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ok, whatever else may have happened, this is bullshit. I'm going into the "run far away" corner for now.

[Steven]

Jesi -

the "issues" are not THE issue.

THE issue is that this dude is controlling, manipulative, and a child. Wrap that up in the body of a man and you get "dangerous".

How much are you worth Jesi?

Your answer should immediately be - ALOT.

If you dont feel that way - maybe you should not be potentially shopping for a relationship right now, because you'll make bad choices.

So again - how much are you worth?

Not talking $$$ here - talking figuratively - think about it - and then ask yourself why would you receive someone who would steal the things you allready are?

Because he doesent embrace you - instead you seem to (in his world) need to fulfill some sort of "purpose" for him, ie: "Know Your Role."

Brenda gave the best advice thus far: Dont Do It.

can I add this?????: Your a smart girl, this has been very obvious to me from jump, so dont do dumb things, your worth more than that...

Steven

[Soulrev]

God yes I know this all, all, ALL too fucking well.. Read any of my posts about Kristina? There's like 50 of 'em heh. She was the most controlling person I ever met. For example- she didn't want me to look at porn, made me throw out any DVD's or mags.. If she thinks she's going to find a guy who doesn't look at porn she's insane.. Other examples include always making me do things for her and buy things for her. Most sane girls realize that a 20 year old guy doesn't have much going for him as far as money goes and she expected me to pay for every meal, every movie, everything all the time and I just couldn't do it anymore.. I mean I was blowing entire paychecks on her and it was just getting out of hand.

Ya know this is a long story and I'm going to cut it short and refer you to my previous posts about her if you really care to know..

All I have to say is you're smart for getting the hell out of that situation instead of being a dumbass like me and bending over backwards and doing everything and taking the pain she dealt me hundreds of times.. I still love her, I still care about her, but I don't want to talk to her, much less, see her, until she has grown up and I can trust her. Maybe when I am finished with the army.. We'll see..

-B

[Guest MsMaldoror]

His side of the story consists of this. Now mind you I am a very fair person.

The party on Friday.

We went. I was 'distant' I saw some of my friends and went and hugged them. He saw this as disrespectful to him. I should not be 'hanging' on other guys.

Understandable.

Saturday.

He accused me of being in love with someone else. He asked for the honest answer. I said yes. Fight insues here. I believe there are many forms of love. He believes there is only one. Only room for one in your heart.

Sunday.

He sleeps the weekend off. I try to go home to sleep for work the next day. He accuses me of trying to take off. Tells me to go 'before i get angry'.

Now both sides of the story are nothing without the other.

I understand his views. I just don't agree with them.

Most of my friends are guys. He knew that ahead of time. Now all of a sudden it was a problem with how I treated my guy friends. Hugging them and such. I was to be his woman. Respect him. Well I didn't sign up for marriage so I saw this as asking too much.

He all of a sudden didn't approve of my job. Mainly because he thought I should be spending every waking momnet with him.

This can be construed as harmless. Or as possessive. I don't know which.

He called me after work yesterday. We talked. Just as friends would. How was your day, how are you doing... that kind of stuff. It was nice.

Oh and by 'party favors' I meant we were royally fucked up over the weekend. Not that I was giving 'party favors' out in any sexual manner. Drugs people. Drugs. They can cause people to act funny.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[EvilEve]

i for one am glad to see that you got out of that bad situation before it got any worse. no more going out with possessive-jealous-psycho people. bad! you get 5 gold stars for getting out.

[wheresmypiggy]

Priceless. He sealed it last night. Sent a baby sitter to the club to keep an eye on me. He questioned my friends and such.

Ding Ding Ding

Game over.

[float]

good for you

you should be able to hug ypur friends, kiss your friends (to some degree) without it being an insult to him

ya know? Not everything is about him

why does he have to turn your relationship with your friends into his little private drama

He's a DICK

and doesn't deserve you

[CheezIts]

Once you eat the honey..., there's usually sugar cubes in the cupboard or cream cheese at the back of the fridge.

[Steven]

good for you

you should be able to hug ypur friends, kiss your friends (to some degree) without it being an insult to him

ya know? Not everything is about him

why does he have to turn your relationship with your friends into his little private drama

He's a DICK

and doesn't deserve you

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

this is the best post yet - perfect!!!

[wheresmypiggy]

Ok. So we talked on Sunday. Things were cool at first. Then came the drugs. Now I know why the other weekend sucked. So when everyone sobered up I expressed my feelings of how he treats me sober and how he treats me fucked up.

He says he is quitting. We'll see. He is actually making the effort to be friends. Pushes it sometimes but is still making the effort. That makes me have just a little more respect for him.

[Head Wreck]

why are you bothering with him?

he did send a minder ffs.

gah. thus further proof that women desire assholes.

[wheresmypiggy]

Not so much assholes. But its more a fear that no one else will accept them.

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

When I was a kid, my parents moved onto a horse farm. We used Electric Fences to keep the horses in.... you would be amazed to know that most horses are smart enough to stop touching the fence because it hurts.... cows on the other hand are not that bright.

[Head Wreck]

eventually cows get used to voltage zhuk. ended up having to put 390V fences in at the old farm.

freigans are dumb, but european beef cattle are very bright, but still *zap*

jessi: you seem bright for the mostpart. dont start thinking "no one else will want me" or you'll end up in a trap. i did for 4 years and now i'm digging my way out of it. i look back and see it as annoying how i coiuld ever fall in that pitfall, but i did, as with alcohol. you seem very strong, the whole quiting the junk thing shows this. you are stronger than this, dont ever doubt yourself or you'll make yourself ill eventually

[Medea]

10 *mooo*

20 *zap*

30 *ouch*

goto 10

/Story of my life.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yay for Basic...

[wheresmypiggy]

I now know what effect the drugs had. Or lack there of.

He is quitting right now. Thought he didn't have a problem. Obviously thats not the case. We'll see how things go when he is clean.

[Steven]

Not so much assholes. But its more a fear that no one else will accept them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

your smarter than this though.

YOU - have to create worth in YOU - and then be damn picky because YOU are worth it.

Sounds terribly cheesy I know.

But Its also true.

Dont give yourself away Jesi.

Steven

[TheLordShaper]

I concur with the peanut gallery hear. The gentleman is a classic compulsive control freak. He's most likely emotional dependent and very uncertain of himself. Add in a beautiful woman that shows interest and your throwing fuel onto a already raging fire. This guy needs to go and fast before he gets entirely to attached and does something stupid like abuse and or strike you. You are who you are and whom ever you take as a lover needs to respect that. Just watch the way in which you break things as he’s liable to go off rather immaturely or worse yet, violently.

~TLS

[Reaper]

Personally, from experience from female friends that have talked to me about their problems, he sounds like he is buttering you up and telling you what you want to hear and wish. 9 out of 10 men NEVER change. They only manipulate who they are or just make it seem like they change. The first sign of trouble was in the beginning when he became possessive.

[Daevion]

Alot of people here are saying you should just drop this guy, and granted I don't know the guy at all but......perhaps you should give the guy another chance.

Despite what everyone says about people not changing or that people won't ever change...I disagree with this. People can and DO change all the time. This is not a static unchanging universe we live in, its very dynamic. You effect the world, and the world effects you no matter how small. Also, just because you can't see immediate effect doesn't mean the no change occurred.

[Dollardave]

This is my thoughts exactly. Those people are called sociopaths.

And in response to everyone else:

See these are my thoughts exactly. Its just that when I expressed these to my closer friends who have known me for years they just assumed I was running from a relationship because I was afraid blah blah blah. They actually made me second guess myself.

I'm going to avoid contact with him for the next couple days. He knows my work schedule is busy this week.

I have been in abusive relationships before. They never seem to end well for the guy lol.

It was just nice to get out again. I've shut myself up for so long. He was like an outlet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Be nice I'm a sociopath diagnosed when I was 14. I hope things are working out good with you and david. Better to have a guy thats interested in ya than someone who ignores ya. Just becuz a man is possessive doesn't make him an abuser tho. I'm possessive but never touched my woman in 9yrs. Also having feelings leftover from other people is normal. I'm still in love with my wifes sister after our spring fling. The feelings mutual and we still talk. Oh well gluck with your relationship. I thought the talking to imaginary people at cc was pretty funny too.

[Reaper]

Oh I never said that they NEVER change, but most don't. This is only from my personal experience from hearing things from the women and seeing it from the guys. I made my change long ago, and that was not allowing myself to get stepped on ever again. Hence the bold attitude I have lol.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Been intentionally not responding to this thread as its very easy to try and turn someone's description of their relationship into a projection of our own relationships and give cookie cutter advice that may, or may not be relevant. It sounds so similar to a previous relationship of mine (with the gender roles reversed) that i was in danger of doing the same thing. Projecting my own situation(s) onto yours.

Your the only one that has anything remotely close to "all the facts". We can only try to be helpful, but in the end, your the one that understands the situation as it is.

Is he the one you want? Is he? That's the final question, after all the other stuff is out of the way, that's the last one. Its something you ask yourself, no need to answer us.

Whatever happens, hopefully you'll find happiness, relationship or no. =)

[Steven]

Been intentionally not responding to this thread as its very easy to try and turn someone's description of their relationship into a projection of our own relationships and give cookie cutter advice that may, or may not be relevant.  It sounds so similar to a previous relationship of mine (with the gender roles reversed) that i was in danger of doing the same thing.  Projecting my own situation(s) onto yours.

Your the only one that has anything remotely close to "all the facts".  We can only try to be helpful, but in the end, your the one that understands the situation as it is.

Is he the one you want?  Is he?  That's the final question, after all the other stuff is out of the way, that's the last one.  Its something you ask yourself, no need to answer us.

Whatever happens, hopefully you'll find happiness, relationship or no.  =)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good advice Troy.

Bad Advice Dollar Dave.

Steven

[wheresmypiggy]

I was informed that I am the reason he does Heroin.

(even though he did it before I met him)

I am evil. Vindictive. I make his life miserable. I do not respect him. I'm using him (for what I'm not sure. I buy everything).

I'm just like everyother woman.

I said ok. Lets end it. He blew up. Screaming, threatening, saying next time I see him I will get slapped.

Doesn't matter. My face is still healing from the last time.

Its not the drugs. Its him.

He had several chances. I told him I already knew the game he was playing and I didn't want to play. I havent' been hit in years. Well at least from a guy that I'm not in a physical fight with.

Just reminded me why I don't date. Open up or even care.

I guess I'm some all mighty god. I make him do drugs that he was doing before I met him. I guess I'm the devil. I ruin his life. I guess I'm some saint. I make everything perfect.

Bi polar what?