Has anyone else here given up on love...

[Brenda Starrr]

I love Steven. He's my boyfriend.

[creatureofthenyte]

I Feel you absinth.  I have been in that situation quite a few times.  The first guy I waswith seriously wound up to be gay:(  The secnd guy told me we were too much like brother and sister but still wanted sex, and the last guy I was with for 5 years.  He dumped me 2 weeks ago, right in City Club........  I was so embarrassed, and all I do for this guy is buy him stuff and gave him everyting.  I guess Im just not good enough for any man......  So I understand completley.  And I am sorry for you, my deepest sympathies and condolonces...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't know you, but I have to say that you Are good enough for a man. The question is: are they good enough for you ?

[creatureofthenyte]

This is for those of us that don’t believe in love anymore. I have come to believe that there really are those of us destined to be alone…to find no one. I’m exhausted from giving my heart and everything I have to someone just to have them leave me and move on to someone else. In my lifetime I have been in a string of terrible relationships. Ones in which I gave every piece of my heart that I owned to someone, just for them to toss me aside. Each one using the same excuse…I’m not ready for a relationship right now…but when I am I want it to be with  you .Or, you are marriage material….just not dating material. Yet, immediately (it never takes more than a week or two) they move on to another girl. What makes it worse? The honesty.

I had an ex boyfriend/ friend with benefits tell me he was excited for me to meet the girl he had just met…the girl of his dreams. This came only 4 days after we had broken up. He said he thought I would understand…it wasn’t me…it was just the “way things are sometimes.”  He and I were together for almost 6 years, and he told me he loved me too much to hurt us with a relationship. Whatever that means. He then brought her to a poetry reading, the only one he ever attended of mine…even during our relationship. I had another boyfriend whom I adored in many ways…leave me for a friend of mine. Suddenly he ended up in a horrible accident and in a wheelchair. His girlfriend left him, and he came back to me. I nursed him and cared for him. I spent most of my days making sure he was cared for. I gave him another little piece of my heart, and he in turn got better and was soon walking around. He then left me again…for the same girl.

I finally had found whom I thought was the one. We made each other laugh hysterically every day, finished each others thoughts and sentences, and we enjoyed almost every minute of eachothers company. I cared for him, traveled an hour back and forth at least twice a week just to see him. I did everything I could to show him my devotion and love.  He cared for me too, this was obvious to me (he showed it in so many ways. Like the way he took care of me when I was sick. And how he trusted me into his world.)... and he had so much to deal with in his life that we agreed on a break. He told me, like the ones before, that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that when he was…he wanted it to be with me. It told him I would wait for him to get things straightened out...he said he would wait too...to spare my feelings, and that he could never really bring himself to be involved with someone else because he loved me too much. We loved each other...I believe this…and through the breakup still acted as if we were BF and GF. It was hard not to. We had so much affection for each other, and I believe both of us deeply loved the other. Than…not more than a week after the official breakup, not more than two weeks after our break…he found another. He was honest and had told me…he told me the joy he brought to his heart the second he laid eyes on her. My heart broke in two. Apparently I’m not capable of bringing that kind of joy. Don’t get me wrong, he still is a great guy in many ways, and I will always love him. As corny and stupid as all of this sounds, his face made me belief there was proof that there was a God. (yes…a Christian goth…leave it alone. Ha ha).

Right now the breakup I am going through is devastating…and I have resigned myself to just being alone.

I have heard the there is someone out there for me speech a thousand times, but now I’m just jaded…and I’m far beyond believing that can be true. I will continue on as every man’s friend…but never the one really worth loving. I will never be the sparkle in someone’s eye, I will never experience my name when said with the most ultimate feeling of love and devotion. I have now learned to resign myself to this.

So…with that said…am I the only one here that believes in giving up the dream? Am I the only one that realizes that there are some of us doomed to never really have anyone recognize our worth?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The dream is only lost if you give up. If you don't give up, that means there Is hope that it can still happen for you.

[creatureofthenyte]

Ok,

In my situation, especially recently alot of thoughts have raced through my mind and coincidently, they pertain to this topic. I know that I have alot of good qualities. However, I have been hearing things like: I cant do this because I have stuff I have to work on. And, You're such a great guy.... Then it stops right there. Anyone who gets to know me, will see the qualities I have. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life ? NO! I have though, made the decision that I am not going to jump through hoops for women anymore. Once someone totally gets to know me, and vice versa, either I'm the one for them or I'm not. I realize I may have to go through some bad experiences to finally find a good one, and I have already. But to answer the question of this thread; No, I have not given up on love.

[Rayne]

Nope. And now I have Phee.

[Ash Sangre]

I don't know you, but I have to say that you Are good enough for a man. The question is: are they good enough for you ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

LOL< thats what some friends have asked me, but being in those prior relationships has completely eaten away my confidence.... Te last guy I was with, the one who just split with me, when I met him, I was a small, cutsie thing, and he pretty much knew I had an eating problem, and he always bought me food and what not, he didnt like me being thin, then he got me pregnant, which added to my problem, got sick with Diabetes, and just lost the baby at an 8month term, so im all gross, then I get dumped. Irony..... So now, im all fat, and he knows that no guy will even look at me, so he got me there....... So to answer your question, looking the way I do right now, Im not good enough for anyone...

[Steven]

I love Steven. He's my boyfriend.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

some things are just meant to be.....

[Brenda Starrr]

Ok,

In my situation, especially recently alot of thoughts have raced through my mind and coincidently, they pertain to this topic.  I know that I have alot of good qualities. However, I have been hearing things like: I cant do this because I have stuff I have to work on. And,  You're such a great guy.... Then it stops right there. Anyone who gets to know me, will see the qualities I have. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life ? NO!  I have though, made the decision that I am not going to jump through hoops for women anymore. Once someone totally gets to know me, and vice versa, either I'm the one for them or I'm not. I realize I may have to go through some bad experiences to finally find a good one, and I have already. But to answer the question of this thread; No, I have not given up on love.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

While I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you, you seem to be a sincere man, which is a rarity these days. You're good-looking (very!), and seem to be quite a romantic. Any woman with even half a brain would see this. YES, you'll have to go through a ton of bad experiences. I sure did. I swore that love didn't even exist. But, I found out that it does. It's amazing. It comes to you when you're not even looking for it. As a matter of fact, when I left my ex husband, I ran from it. I didn't want to date, really. I was completely soured.

Amazing how life changes while you're telling everyone to go to Hell.....

some things are just meant to be.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You know it, hot stuff.

[Steven]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you tragic forelorn people!!!!

sometimes I dotn know if I should burst out laughing (pain and darkness and tragedy and loss is oh so romantic) or reach through the screen and shake you all.

Listen man - (and ladies).

your ALIVE OK?

You have every chance in the world.

Jesus go live allready!

look....if Laura died, it would devestate me. No Doubt. I might just disappear for awhile, hermatize.....but I'd come back.

And hell even if she cheated on me or left me for some other dude, I would still go on and let myself go again.

I cannot relate to wasting away due to fear of being hurt again.

we get hurt. ok!!!???

we get all fucked up and screwed over and lost and wounded. Everybody in this room can relate to that.

But to sit there and just waste my life in stagnation due to tragedy when I know I could instead be laughing and talking and sharing with a soulmate?

to waste that chance just because I've been hurt?

to just fricken give up???????

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.

[Brenda Starrr]

I'll save myself for you, Steven.

[creatureofthenyte]

LOL< thats what some friends have asked me, but being in those prior relationships has completely eaten away my confidence....  Te last guy I was with, the one who just split with me, when I met him, I was a small, cutsie thing, and he pretty much knew I had an eating problem, and he always bought me food and what not, he didnt like me being thin, then he got me pregnant, which added to my problem, got sick with Diabetes, and just lost the baby at an 8month term, so im all gross, then I get dumped.   Irony.....  So now, im all fat, and he knows that no guy will even look at me, so he got me there.......  So to answer your question, looking the way I do right now, Im not good enough for anyone...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Operative words being : Right now. Notice what those two words mean; right now. They do not mean: forever nor permanent. My point ? You could choose to get yourself back into shape(Yes you can do it if ya try) and if nothing else, restore the confidence in yourself that you say is lost right now. And you could exact alittle revenge and shock this person who dumped you with your revamped physique. Give it a try, once you start to see results, your confidence will return to you.

[BrassFusion]

I wasn't aware that physique was a determining factor in sexual attraction. Thanks for enlightening me.

In other words, ash, you're only as ugly as you tell yourself you are.

[Brenda Starrr]

I'm not exactly thin, and I feel as though I am completely deserving of love. Wayne doesn't seem to see that I have a bit of belly. And frankly, I'm pretty damned happy. It's all in how you feel about yourself.

He loves me, warts and all. No matter what time of day. No matter what color(s) my hair happens to be. With or without his glasses. That's cool as shit.

[Steven]

I'm not exactly thin, and I feel as though I am completely deserving of love. Wayne doesn't seem to see that I have a bit of belly. And frankly, I'm pretty damned happy. It's all in how you feel about yourself.

He loves me, warts and all. No matter what time of day. No matter what color(s) my hair happens to be. With or without his glasses. That's cool as shit.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

......it's all in how she carries herself.

there are lots of ways to be sexy.

[Steven]

I'll save myself for you, Steven.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

loyalty is SO hot.

[creatureofthenyte]

I wasn't aware that physique was a determining factor in sexual attraction. Thanks for enlightening me.

In other words, ash, you're only as ugly as you tell yourself you are.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think my words were misinterpreted perhaps. I didn't intend to use the term physique with any negative conotation at all. I was trying to be positive. I didnt mean to offend. My appologies.

[JaneDead]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you tragic forelorn people!!!!

sometimes I dotn know if I should burst out laughing (pain and darkness and tragedy and loss is oh so romantic) or reach through the screen and shake you all.

Listen man - (and ladies).

your ALIVE OK?

You have every chance in the world.

Jesus go live allready! 

look....if Laura died, it would devestate me.  No Doubt.  I might just disappear for awhile, hermatize.....but I'd come back.

And hell even if she cheated on me or left me for some other dude, I would still go on and let myself go again. 

I cannot relate to wasting away due to fear of being hurt again.

we get hurt.  ok!!!???

we get all fucked up and screwed over and lost and wounded.  Everybody in this room can relate to that.

But to sit there and just waste my life in stagnation due to tragedy when I know I could instead be laughing and talking and sharing with a soulmate?

to waste that chance just because I've been hurt?

to just fricken give up???????

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i have nothing to say really i just wanted to quote steven so everyone reads it again. and again. and again. until you get it.

[Daevion]

Luv sucks so wear a helmet!

[TheAbsynthFairy]

Ok,

In my situation, especially recently alot of thoughts have raced through my mind and coincidently, they pertain to this topic.  I know that I have alot of good qualities. However, I have been hearing things like: I cant do this because I have stuff I have to work on. And,  You're such a great guy.... Then it stops right there. Anyone who gets to know me, will see the qualities I have. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life ? NO!  I have though, made the decision that I am not going to jump through hoops for women anymore. Once someone totally gets to know me, and vice versa, either I'm the one for them or I'm not. I realize I may have to go through some bad experiences to finally find a good one, and I have already. But to answer the question of this thread; No, I have not given up on love.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly. I do the same. I give 100% of myself and loose myself completley in that person...then when its over I dont know who I am anymore, or if I am capable of obtaining happiness without that someone in my life. I wish I could be cold towards love, or use men, but its not in my nature. Its in my nature to love them with everything in me when I finally love. I feel like just giving up and being all alone. Alone sucks...but this just hurts too much. I wrote a poem for someone I dated once. It explains how I feel when I am that much in love. When you are this much in love with someone its hard to just avoid it or turn it off so quickly. I dont understand how the guys Im with turn it off so quickly. I guess they feel they are trading up. Anyway...here it is.

I only exist in ripples

The surface only stones skip

I am fragments

Shafts of light never considered for the sun

I am springs and plastic

A discarded disembodied childs toy

I am the broken darkness

Where all the dead stars hang

I am the line of ashes on an unattended ciggarette

waiting calmly to fall

I am the chips of gold

fallen from your throne

I am a whisper in your bedroom

and the wrinkles in the sheets

I am hands keeping time slowly

waiting for you to find me again, and never let me go

[Shade Everdark]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you tragic forelorn people!!!!

sometimes I dotn know if I should burst out laughing (pain and darkness and tragedy and loss is oh so romantic) or reach through the screen and shake you all.

Listen man - (and ladies).

your ALIVE OK?

You have every chance in the world.

Jesus go live allready! 

look....if Laura died, it would devestate me.  No Doubt.  I might just disappear for awhile, hermatize.....but I'd come back.

And hell even if she cheated on me or left me for some other dude, I would still go on and let myself go again. 

I cannot relate to wasting away due to fear of being hurt again.

we get hurt.  ok!!!???

we get all fucked up and screwed over and lost and wounded.  Everybody in this room can relate to that.

But to sit there and just waste my life in stagnation due to tragedy when I know I could instead be laughing and talking and sharing with a soulmate?

to waste that chance just because I've been hurt?

to just fricken give up???????

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are words of wisdom here, to be sure. I want to point out that I appreciate that, and respect it.

On the other hand, some of us just aren't wired to see things this way. Through whatever socializing we've gone through, we see the world differently. Some of us shy away from the possibility that we might find someone because we've been hurt too much. Others of us are just afraid to seize the opportunity when it passes by.

Or, maybe we can see things this way, intellectually, but our of being hurt or rejected or screwing up get in the way, or are even just too strong to get past right now.

[saechalyn]

...

[Steven]

There are words of wisdom here, to be sure.  I want to point out that I appreciate that, and respect it.

On the other hand, some of us just aren't wired to see things this way.  Through whatever socializing we've gone through, we see the world differently.  Some of us shy away from the possibility that we might find someone because we've been hurt too much.  Others of us are just afraid to seize the opportunity when it passes by.

Or, maybe we can see things this way, intellectually, but our of being hurt or rejected or screwing up get in the way, or are even just too strong to get past right now.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wasent wired this way either.

I just got sick of the way I WAS wired, because it brought me emptyness.

So I started learning how to change.

[bav]

awww phee. i am so glad you and rayne found each other!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Man...I thought Phee was talking about me....

Rayne, I'll get you for stealing my man! >grin<

----------------------------------

For clarification and seriousness, I think Rayne is one of the best things to happen to Phee.

[bav]

I wasent wired this way either.

I just got sick of the way I WAS wired, because it brought me emptyness.

So I started learning how to change.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

mmmm.....Meta-programming

[bav]

This is for those of us that don’t believe in love anymore. I have come to believe that there really are those of us destined to be alone…to find no one. I’m exhausted from giving my heart and everything I have to someone just to have them leave me and move on to someone else. In my lifetime I have been in a string of terrible relationships. Ones in which I gave every piece of my heart that I owned to someone, just for them to toss me aside. Each one using the same excuse…I’m not ready for a relationship right now…but when I am I want it to be with  you .Or, you are marriage material….just not dating material. Yet, immediately (it never takes more than a week or two) they move on to another girl. What makes it worse? The honesty.

I had an ex boyfriend/ friend with benefits tell me he was excited for me to meet the girl he had just met…the girl of his dreams. This came only 4 days after we had broken up. He said he thought I would understand…it wasn’t me…it was just the “way things are sometimes.”  He and I were together for almost 6 years, and he told me he loved me too much to hurt us with a relationship. Whatever that means. He then brought her to a poetry reading, the only one he ever attended of mine…even during our relationship. I had another boyfriend whom I adored in many ways…leave me for a friend of mine. Suddenly he ended up in a horrible accident and in a wheelchair. His girlfriend left him, and he came back to me. I nursed him and cared for him. I spent most of my days making sure he was cared for. I gave him another little piece of my heart, and he in turn got better and was soon walking around. He then left me again…for the same girl.

I finally had found whom I thought was the one. We made each other laugh hysterically every day, finished each others thoughts and sentences, and we enjoyed almost every minute of eachothers company. I cared for him, traveled an hour back and forth at least twice a week just to see him. I did everything I could to show him my devotion and love.  He cared for me too, this was obvious to me (he showed it in so many ways. Like the way he took care of me when I was sick. And how he trusted me into his world.)... and he had so much to deal with in his life that we agreed on a break. He told me, like the ones before, that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that when he was…he wanted it to be with me. It told him I would wait for him to get things straightened out...he said he would wait too...to spare my feelings, and that he could never really bring himself to be involved with someone else because he loved me too much. We loved each other...I believe this…and through the breakup still acted as if we were BF and GF. It was hard not to. We had so much affection for each other, and I believe both of us deeply loved the other. Than…not more than a week after the official breakup, not more than two weeks after our break…he found another. He was honest and had told me…he told me the joy he brought to his heart the second he laid eyes on her. My heart broke in two. Apparently I’m not capable of bringing that kind of joy. Don’t get me wrong, he still is a great guy in many ways, and I will always love him. As corny and stupid as all of this sounds, his face made me belief there was proof that there was a God. (yes…a Christian goth…leave it alone. Ha ha).

Right now the breakup I am going through is devastating…and I have resigned myself to just being alone.

I have heard the there is someone out there for me speech a thousand times, but now I’m just jaded…and I’m far beyond believing that can be true. I will continue on as every man’s friend…but never the one really worth loving. I will never be the sparkle in someone’s eye, I will never experience my name when said with the most ultimate feeling of love and devotion. I have now learned to resign myself to this.

So…with that said…am I the only one here that believes in giving up the dream? Am I the only one that realizes that there are some of us doomed to never really have anyone recognize our worth?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The only serious response I can come up with to this (I say serious because I'm a smartass and tend towards making a joke out of everything, especially the serious stuff) is part of the Godfather (the book by Puzo, not the movie).

There's a part where Johnny Fontane (supposedly the Frank Sinatra-inspired character) is looking at his past relationships with his last two wives. His first wife was a quinissental home-maker who loved him, took care of the kids, cooked his meals and in general performed all the duties/responsibilities/rights a wife should (remember, this book was written in 1969, set in the 50s and about old world Italian values). He cheated on her repeatedly and did not do much to hide it. His second wife was a famous movie actress who would fuck anyone that came across her path ("she'd give the cameraman a roll if she looked good in the day's takes"). He was divorced from both and then his voice started to go...he contacted his first wife and told her about the problems with his voice (which was a death knell to his career as a singer) and saw a momentary look of evil glee cross her face and was upset about it.

He spent some time thinking about himself and the women in his life. He loved women. He resigned himself to the idea that jilted women would live for his failures and take much joy about him falling down.

Where I'm going with this is here - he decided that he had two options: to either live a life of bitterness, emptiness, and lonliness but insulate himself from hurt or he could accept that in love he would be hurt but decide that the joy of being with women was worth the pain that would occur from it.

All sexist views from the Godfather aside, there have been points where I empathized much with Johnny Fontane. After very bad breakups, I would find myself withdrawing from everything and thinking that any future relationships would only end in pain.

Then I think about what I get out of being in love. Yes, breakups suck...yes, the pain is sometimes almost unendurable (or at least feels that way at the time) and there is persistant ache for months afterwords. But the feeling of being ALIVE, the joy of connecting to another person, the free-fall of exhileration that comes with finding 'that someone'...its worth the pain that may or may not occur. To let the emotional calluses build to a point to where you cannot feel or to let fear of being hurt in the future dictate your actions...that is merely existing, not living.

On a bit of a sidenote, sometimes the best relationships happen when you're not looking for them.

'Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all'/'Its better to regret the things you have done instead of the things you haven't done' and all that....

YMMV.